Page 2 of Heaven Leigh’s Little Halloween

“Heaven Leigh, when you arrived almost two months ago you were positive that you were a Little and that you needed to completely submerge yourself in being a Little. You wanted a chance at a real childhood since you never really had one. Is that correct?”

Of course it was. Master Derek had a nice thick file on her with all the little details of her life. He’d shown it to her on the day she’d arrived and there were things in it that even she’d forgotten. The man was nothing if not thorough.

“Yes, Sir.”

“And has that changed? Do you still feel that way?”

She nodded so enthusiastically that her strawberry blonde braids bounced on her shoulders. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she needed the childlike headspace and the chance to let go of all the adult worries and fears.

“So what is the problem? I could understand if you were doing it for punishment. Some Littles have more of a need for that than others, but that doesn’t seem to be the case for you. Which means… there must be a different problem.”

Heaven drew in a deep breath and held it for a second before letting it out in a whoosh. It helped when she got anxious. “I just get so antsy. The rules, especially the one about not being allowed to go wherever I want, make me feel trapped. I try to ignore it and push it down, but the next thing I know I’m… here.”

Master Derek looked at her thoughtfully. “What would be the ideal situation for you, Heaven Leigh?”

She winced as he used her full first name again. Lots of people did, but from him it always felt like trouble. At least he pronounced the second part like “lay” and not “lee”. She’d only had to correct him once and he’d remembered.

“I guess… more freedom? I know most of the Littles are happy to be kids all the time, but I’m just not. I need the Little time badly, but I can’t handle it all the time. Maybe it’s because, like you said, I never really had a childhood.”

She stopped, thinking about how to phrase it. It was so hard putting this into words. “I would steal a few minutes whenever I could while the younger kids were sleeping or while my parents were busy. I packed all the fun into those little bursts and then had to go right back to being an adult in a small body. I—”

Heaven shrugged her shoulders. “I really just don’t know how to handle having no adult time, no adult responsibilities, no… work. I’m frustrated and bored.”

Master Derek nodded like he was actually listening. Maybe he even understood because he was quiet for a minute or so. “You know, we’re not really set up for part-time Littles here, Heaven Leigh. We do our best to keep our Littles safe and that means keeping them supervised. We have the rules we do because they’re necessary.” His tone was firm, but regretful.

Heaven held back a sigh. “We’re not really little kids. Every single one of us is an adult, and I just… I don’t get why we can’t have more freedom.”

“I know it can be difficult to understand, and you’re right, Littles aren’t children. They are adults who are choosing to live a life where they have rules and protection, but for many, Little headspace can be…” He stopped, obviously weighing his words carefully.

“When someone is deep in a childlike headspace it’s very easy to make bad decisions. They have fewer inhibitions. Caution and safety are not exactly the first things on their mind. Aside from that, the rules and structure that limits their freedom and behavior, is part of the whole experience. It wouldn’t feel like a real childhood without rules. Now, would it?”

He had a point. She knew all of that, but it was just leading up to him putting her back in the same place again. “This sucks.”

Out of frustration, she kicked the leg of his desk hard and then winced. Her sturdy uniform shoe hadn’t quite protected her toes from the painful jarring. “Ouch!”

His eyebrow went right up, and he frowned. “That would be an example of throwing caution out the window and making a bad decision, young lady.”

She looked down quickly. “Sorry, Sir. I just… I do like the structure and sometimes the rules help me feel safe and cared for. It’s part of what I love about being a Little. It’s just that when I’m not feeling like a Little they are confining.”

“I absolutely understand. The problem is we can’t have Littles wandering around unsupervised. They’d end up causing mischief and getting into trouble left and right. It’s not like there’s a sign over your head to let everyone know when you’re feeling like a Big girl.”

It was like she’d thought all along. As much as she’d wanted to fit in here, as usual she was going to be a square peg trying to stuff herself into a round hole. Eventually they’d get tired of the rule breaking and send her away.

She was sinking deep into dark thoughts and almost missed what he said. Her head shot up. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“I said… it’s pretty clear what the solution is here,” he repeated.

Heaven blinked twice. “It is?”

“Yes. We’re going to have to find you a Daddy of your own. While we’re not really able to create a unique situation for you that bends all the rules, your own Daddy would be able to work with you to make things fit.”

Heaven sat back in her seat and stared at him for a long moment. Her own Daddy? She’d never really considered that. Part of her hadn’t really thought that anyone would want to take responsibility for her and the dorm situation with the various adults had always been ideal in other ways.

It helped that she was paying to be here, so she didn’t feel like a burden. Not that they were charging her. When she first made arrangements to come and stay, she’d tried to pay them and been denied. “Littles don’t pay to live here,” she was told.

But she didn’t feel comfortable having people do all the work of bossing her around without putting something into it. They’d been able to meet in the middle with a hefty donation. It eased her worries and would be used to fund the stays of other Littles.

She’d paid it gladly. Money was the one thing she had more than enough of now and she wasn’t doing anything else with it. So she’d settled into the Littles’ Wing and made friends. She enjoyed the playground and other unique facilities that were built for adult bodies. The thought of having to leave all of that was painful.

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