Page 22 of Heaven Leigh’s Little Halloween

It was hard to explain how she felt about punishment. She hated it when it was happening. And the dread beforehand, knowing it was going to happen, made her sick to her stomach, but the after part with the comfort was the best feeling in the world.

One eyebrow went up as Angel inclined his head. “But maybe you need it sometimes?”

“Yes. Sometimes.”

“Like today maybe?”

Heaven stiffened as her eyes rounded. “Uh, I mean, I don’t know that today specifically…”

“Because I couldn’t help but notice that when you got upset, which we are going to talk about in a minute, you immediately went to break a couple of rules. Now, I can understand not wanting to head back to the Littles’ Wing, but you came here.”

Her mouth dropped open and hung there for a few seconds before she snapped it shut again. What could she say to that? He was right. She hadn’t been trying to get in trouble on purpose though. It had just been an accident that her wandering had brought her to the dungeon.

Right?

Angel reached out and settled a hand over hers. “I think there is more to this than just feeling trapped, chica.” He hesitated and then continued, “Do you think it’s possible that being punished for breaking the rules, means someone notices and cares enough to do something about it? And maybe after getting upset today, what you needed was to feel that through getting spanked?”

Heaven frowned. “I got punished plenty when I was growing up and it never made me feel like anyone cared,” she pointed out.

Angel shook his head. “It sounds like you mostly got ignored. You said when you stepped out of line, your parents refused to talk to you and made your siblings ignore you too. Forgive me, chiquita, but that’s not what I call punishment. Punishment has a lot of important purposes, but making someone feel lost and alone should never be one of them.”

Had she told him that the “shunning” made her feel that? She didn’t think so, but she’d said a lot more than she’d intended to, so maybe he’d felt the emotion underneath. And he was right. Breaking a rule felt like being erased, being invisible.

It had worked in that she avoided getting in trouble out of fear, but… it wasn’t the same as what she felt when she was punished here. Being spanked did make her feel like someone cared enough to handle it. After it was over, she felt good.

Warm. Safe. Happy.

As a child she’d never felt that after. Just a need to be perfect so it didn’t happen again. Maybe Angel was right, but part of her rebelled at admitting it. “You don’t even know me. I mean, you’ve barely known me a week and you’re trying to unravel my head.” The tone was snippier than she’d meant it to be, and she winced and snuck a look, hoping he wasn’t mad.

Angel just laughed. His mouth turned up at the corners as he patted her hand. “That’s true and I look forward to getting to know you much better, but your response to punishment isn’t much different from a lot of Littles around here. Not much different from a lot of the other submissives either, for that matter.”

“It-it’s not?”

“No, why do you think they all get in trouble so much?”

“I-I thought, um… I don’t know. That they just liked it or something.”

He laughed again. “I’m sure some do ‘like’ it for various reasons, but from what I can see, a lot of times acting up happens because the Little needs reassurance that someone cares enough. The type of punishment that follows matters too. You can tell a lot about someone from what kind of punishments they dole out.”

The words made Heaven stop short. That was very close to the way she felt. Master Derek and Nanny J had both proven, multiple times, that she could expect fair and caring punishment from them. She trusted them both not to say harsh things and then ignore her.

Maybe she wasn’t so different from the other Littles after all. “But they do all those pranks. Those don’t seem like they’re for reassurance,” she pointed out.

Angel’s eyes seemed to sparkle and he grinned. “Well, there is ‘real’ punishment and then there’s play disguised as punishment. A lot of times I think pranks start out just from high spirits and having fun. Sometimes they go further than intended… and then they do end up in real trouble, but mostly it’s just regular mischief.”

“I’ve never really done that,” she admitted. “I don’t think I usually break rules on purpose, but maybe you’re right. Maybe today I did do it because I was looking for something.” Of course, it was possible she hadn’t needed to slip out of the Littles’ Wing every time she’d done it either, but she’d have to think about that some.

“Well, you found ‘something’. I’m not entirely sure you’re going to be happy with what you found.” His expression grew sterner for a second and then relaxed. “But we’ll talk about that in a second. First, I think I owe you an apology.”

“You-you do?” Heaven’s eyebrows went up.

“I’m sorry the joke about your name upset you, chica. I didn’t realize you were sensitive about it, but when you ran off, I was concerned. Hayleigh explained a bit. Maybe you could explain a little more…” He let the words trail off in invitation.

Heaven didn’t really want to talk about her weird childhood, but he seemed genuinely interested, so after a few seconds passed, she let the story come out. She tried to keep it brief. He didn’t need to unpack the whole trauma suitcase to understand. It was enough just to give him the basics—or at least, that was what she intended.

“My father was an evangelist type. Traveling around doing sermons in tents, sometimes churches would invite him in as a guest preacher. Me and my siblings were all part of the display and he liked to emphasize my name as being ‘Heavenly’ for obvious reasons.” She shrugged.

“Doesn’t sound like you were very happy.”

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