Page 58 of Reclaimed

“I am sorry for it, Callie – you must know I am. I’m sorry that you were punished for something you didn’t do. But that doesn’t change the things you did do.”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“This is not the time to discuss that. You don’t need to worry about it right now. I said it wouldn’t happen until you agreed you were ready, and I stand by that, so you can put that out of your mind. Let’s just get through the next few days, okay?”

I was still reeling inside, but I knew he was right. I wasn’t sure what would happen when he eventually realised I was never going to accept his punishment, but we could cross that bridge when we got to it.

“Fine.”

“Good. Now, I trust that you’ve taken care of your leg, so I won’t make you show me. But the first sign that anything… anything at all might be wrong, you tell me – understood?”

“Yes.” It still felt odd not adding Master.

Ray reached across the table for my hands and sighed.

“We’ll work this out, Callie; we will.”

“Don’t you ever think that sometimes… too much has happened? Don’t you ever feel like giving up?”

Ray shook his head. “No. Never,” he said, smiling at me. “I know this can work. I know you feel the same way about me as I do about you, even if that’s hard to believe right now. I think the point we got to before I left was a reminder for both of us of how good we can be together.”

Whatever else could be said about Ray, he was unfailingly optimistic, and I would always envy that about him. And I knew it was true that he loved me. And he was right that I loved him, despite everything. I probably always would. But I still knew we couldn’t stay together.

Turning my attention back to the present moment, I wanted to keep the peace as best I could. We both needed to find some semblance of normality in our lives until I found a way out.

“Can I have a drink please?” My emotions were too tumultuous for me to be anywhere near sleep, and I felt like some dust still needed to settle before we parted for the night.

“Of course, what would you like?”

“Wine, please.”

Ray looked delighted to be able to do something for me. He poured us both large glasses and we managed civil conversation for a while before I asked if I could go upstairs to bed.

22

Hours later, I still wasn’t asleep, and my room was starting to feel intensely claustrophobic. Ray’s words played over and over in my head. I was certain it was over… I can’t feel that pain again… it’s only natural that you’d be drawn to each other. It was the first time I’d been able to really see Ray as a normal person – not a Master or a captor or a manipulator – just someone who’d fallen in love and had their heart broken. He’d hurt me, but I knew what it was like to do crazy things for love, and I was struggling to hold that against him. I saw again the look of disappointment on his face, when nothing he’d bought for me had seemed to cheer me up, and decided that the following day I would make up for it.

With sleep still feeling miles away, I decided to go and read my book on the sofa, just to relieve the boredom of tossing and turning, but when I got there it seemed Ray had had the same idea. I wasn’t sure if he’d be angry – there wasn’t a specific rule about roaming the house at night, but it felt like more freedom than he might have been willing to permit. But when he smiled up at me, it was with a weary gladness that I knew I was reflecting back at him.

“Can’t sleep, little one?”

“No. You?”

Ray shook his head and gestured to the spot next to him on the sofa. I went to sit beside him. When there’s only one person in your life, sometimes they have to be both your affliction and your comfort.

“Were you here all this time?”

“I knew I wouldn’t sleep.”

“Drink not working?”

“Not this time.”

I reached over and squeezed his hand. In the past, I would have expected conversations like the one we’d had earlier to make him angry, but he hadn’t hurt me, hadn’t raised his voice, hadn’t even sent me away from him. And now, instead of hurling more accusations at me, or demanding anything from me, he’d chosen to sit alone to try and soothe himself, letting me rest. He wasn’t angry this time; he was hurting.

“I understand why you felt the way you did.” I couldn’t tell him I forgave him, but I hoped this was the next best thing.

“You don’t have to make excuses for me.”

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