Page 32 of Reclaimed

“Let me see.”

I sat up in bed and lowered the covers so he could examine my back. I heard him suck in a breath. “I think you should look at these in the mirror later; I think you’ll like them.” He stroked a hand down my back, causing me to flinch.

It hadn’t hurt until he ran his fingers over my skin, the contact making it sting, and I could feel exactly where the marks must be.

“And I’ve got some war wounds of my own,” he said, smirking. “Look.” He pulled his T-shirt down to reveal the back of his shoulder where there were several small marks – pink and crescent-shaped.

“Was that me?”

“Well, it wasn’t anyone else.”

“I don’t remember doing that. Sorry.”

“Don’t be, means you enjoyed yourself.” I looked away but he turned my face back towards him. “Hey, what are you so ashamed of?”

“That I gave in.”

“Didn’t you want to?”

“In the moment, I did.”

“Do you wish now that you hadn’t?”

“No,” I said truthfully. “I just thought I was stronger than that.”

Had I thought that? I don’t know that I’d ever truly felt it. I hadn’t been able to resist Ray the first time around, and even after everything he’d done to me, I still couldn’t.

“I know you’ve got this idea – and I have my guesses about where it’s come from – that submitting means being weak, but it doesn’t. Last night, you gave yourself to me completely, you ‘gave in’ as you put it, and I enjoyed you submitting to me, but I never once thought you were weak. I know you had mixed feelings about what we were doing, but you trusted me, you let me take control, you let yourself be vulnerable, and you eventually let yourself admit, to yourself and to me, what it was that you really wanted, regardless of what anyone else might have thought of it. I think all of that shows strength.”

“But afterwards…”

“What happened afterwards was my failing, not yours. I should have stayed up with you and made sure you were alright. You were”—he seemed to be searching for the right expression—“struggling with your emotions, and you thought you had to do that on your own. Of course you were overwhelmed. I should have told you that you could wake me.”

“But wouldn’t you have been angry with me if I’d told you how I felt afterwards?”

“Not as angry as I was to see what you were doing to yourself downstairs.”

Being admonished by Ray only served to make me feel more pathetic. Why couldn’t I take care of myself? “It was only a couple of drinks.”

“It was destructive. And I thought maybe you’d done more, or that you might have hurt yourself.”

“That’s what you were angry about?”

“I was angry to find that you weren’t in my bed when I woke up, angry at myself for not having kept you safer, and angry that you deliberately disobeyed me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologise again. You already accepted your punishment for that, which was another show of strength by the way.” I wanted so badly to believe what he was saying, but my thoughts kept straying to David, and I knew he wouldn’t see it that way. He would only see all of this as weakness. He’d understand, of course, that in the circumstances I might not have had much choice, but he’d never see any of it as strength.

Ray seemed to be able to read my thoughts. He leant down and gently kissed my shoulder. “Callie, you are strong, and beautiful. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.” I smiled weakly back at him. “I’m going to make us a big breakfast. Why don’t you freshen up a little, finish your coffee, and then I’ll bring it up to my bed for us.”

“Okay.”

“And make sure you get a look at your back – it’s beautiful.”

And then he was gone. I’d expected the morning after so much upheaval to be more dramatic, but Ray had seemed… reasonable, less the vengeful ex and more like the boyfriend I’d been in love with. It was rare to have an interaction with him where I came away feeling better rather than worse, but I felt strangely relaxed. He seemed able to accept that I would have some feelings of regret about what had happened, he was okay with me not knowing how I felt, he didn’t seem to be expecting anything more right away, and most importantly, he hadn’t mentioned anything about me calling him Master. I’d been worried that that would be the expectation from now on, but it didn’t seem that way.

I finished my coffee and retrieved my robe from the floor. In the bathroom, I had a brief shower which stung my back like crazy, and afterwards, I turned to look at it in the mirror. Ray was right – it did look beautiful. Littered across my behind and my back were eight red marks, all at different angles. I definitely wasn’t going to be able to wear a bra for a few days. There had to be something wrong with me for liking that sight. Attaching yourself to someone stronger than you made good sense, but there was just no good evolutionary reason for getting a kick out of seeing yourself injured. I wrapped the robe back around me and waited for Ray on his bed.

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