Page 16 of Reclaimed

I obeyed and ran upstairs to my room. It said something about the insanity of the last couple of weeks that I saw that moment as an example of significant personal restraint for Ray. I’d seen in his face how close he had been to losing it, but he’d managed to send me away before he could do anything. Maybe our new way of life had been helping him too. I hoped I hadn’t derailed all our progress. I buried my face in my knees and waited on the bed for Ray to come. Sure enough, he came to find me a short while later. I raised my head enough to check how angry he looked. He looked… grave, but not violent. He sighed and sat beside me.

“I know it must have been hard for you to see that.” He seemed to be waiting for me to reply. What did he expect me to say? That I was okay with it? I was far from okay. “But listen, nothing’s changed – nothing’s different between us. Everything is exactly as it was when you woke up this morning.”

But he was wrong. Everything had changed. Couldn’t he see that? The outside world had shot back into my life with a vengeance. David was looking for me, so were my friends, my family, the police… It should have made me feel hopeful, but it didn’t. How long would they keep looking? It had already been nearly a month.

“You had no right to keep this from me.”

“I was trying to protect you. Surely you knew this was going on?”

I shook my head. I mean, on some level, yes, I knew that my disappearance would have been reported to the police, but nothing had prepared me for the sight of my own face on the news.

“I want to see it. You have to let me—”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not? Are you in denial about what you’ve done to me? If you’re really so proud of taking me back, then why not watch it? Why not gloat over—”

“You think seeing that is enjoyable for me? You think I want to hear over and over what I’ve risked by bringing you here? You think I enjoy seeing his face on my TV? Or yours, when they’re saying that you could be dead? You think I want to listen to them talking about how you were going to marry that fool?” I was taken aback by the force of his words, and I think my alarm must have shown, as Ray allowed his livid expression to soften slightly. “Why did you do this to us, Callie? What could he possibly have to offer that I wouldn’t have gladly given you?”

He sounded so plaintive that my heart twisted in my chest. I might not have done anything wrong, but I had caused him pain, and for once he was letting me see it.

“It’s not as simple as that.”

“It seemed simple enough when you ended our relationship and then went to live with him,” he retorted accusatorily. His voice had turned cold again; he clearly couldn’t bear to be vulnerable for long, not even around me.

“You think leaving was easy for me? I had no idea what to do. You were the first person I’d ever loved, and then someone else came along, and I loved you both so much – it felt like there was no good decision. You think it was just you who went through pain, but it’s not. It was hard enough saying goodbye to you, but then to watch you handle it the way you did… David warned me not to tell you, and I ignored him. I told him… I told him that I could trust you, and that you wouldn’t hurt me.” I smiled weakly, the irony of it palpable now. Ray said nothing, and for once, it was him who didn’t seem able to make eye contact. “I thought I knew you, but it turns out David had a better picture of you than I did. I know you felt betrayed, but I didn’t wrong you, Ray – I just left you. What you did to me afterwards, and to David… I could never have imagined that the man I loved could be so… malicious towards me. You’re the one who should be apologising, not me.”

I was surprised by my own outward calmness. It was the most open I’d been with Ray about what had happened, and my feelings about it, and yet, for once, I felt strong enough to express myself without fear and without shame. Ray seemed lost for words. The longer he stayed silent the more worried I got.

Eventually, he stood. “New rule. No news channels. Understood?”

“Yes.”

“Coming to the garden?” I didn’t want to be around Ray, but I wasn’t prepared to forgo my one chance for fresh air.

We didn’t talk about that incident again, but I could see Ray was still affected by it. It took a couple of days for things to go back to the way they had been before.

8

Our daily routine brought me some comfort, and I found that all my anxiety came back whenever it was disrupted. After about a month of being Ray’s captive, I came back from my morning shower to find him in my room. He normally waited for me down in the kitchen. My mind immediately jumped to sex. It had to be what he was there for. I knew I’d been lucky to get away without it happening for this long, but when I looked closely at him, he didn’t have that uncontrollable desire in his eyes that I’d come to fear.

“I need to leave the house today.” That was new. If I was ever going to get a chance at escape, this was going to be it. He’d be forced to either leave me behind or attempt to take me with him in the car. Either way, there was a chance I’d get the opportunity to run.

“Okay.”

“You’ll need to stay here. In this room.” I noticed then that he was holding the keys to my room. My heart sank.

“You’re going to lock me in?” I’d taken for granted the freedom to move around the house as I wished. Now, not only were my hopes of escape dashed, but I suddenly felt like we were back at square one.

“Yes. I need to know you’re safe while I’m gone.”

“I won’t do anyth—”

“It’s not up for discussion.”

“How long will you be gone for?”

“Not long. A couple of hours.”

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