Page 59 of Reclaimed

“I’m not. I know what it’s like to do crazy things for love. I was worried about you too, remember?”

“I know you were. You were being sweet, and loyal, and I didn’t believe you.”

“You had good reason not to trust me.” It felt odd being the one to comfort Ray. Normally, he was the one trying to reassure me. “It made sense that you thought I was trying to escape. God knows, any sane person would have been doing just that.” I gave a weak smile, but Ray didn’t return it.

“You shouldn’t say that about yourself.”

“Don’t you think we must both be a little bit crazy?”

“Not for what we want. Maybe for how we choose to get it.” I breathed out a small laugh. It said a lot about our lives that we were getting to the point where abduction only seemed ‘a little bit crazy’. “Look at you. You still have so much strength. You’re still smiling, still trying to make me feel better, after everything I’ve done.” For once, it was Ray who was looking away.

“Maybe your optimism’s contagious,” I joked, and then added more seriously. “And there’s the annoying fact that I still love you.” When he turned to face me, his eyes were glassy. It felt like my chest was disintegrating. My Ray, all intensity and passion and rage – it felt so incongruous to see his tears I couldn’t quite believe they were real.

“Ray—”

“No, wait.” Ray’s voice was thick and strained, and he took a moment to compose himself before he spoke again. “I will probably never say this to you again, so just listen. I did the wrong thing. When you left. You didn’t deserve any of it. I’m sorry.”

I let go of his hand and sat back, stunned. I knew he felt bad about the cane, but I hadn’t thought he was capable of feeling guilty for the rest. He’d always seemed so vengeful, so convinced that I deserved it all. If he could finally see that he’d done wrong, maybe there was some hope for him, after all. Maybe there was even some for me.

“Thank you.”

I edged back over to him and tentatively leant against his chest. I’d never been more certain that he wouldn’t hurt me, but I wasn’t sure whether he was prepared to let me get close. He wrapped an arm around me and squeezed painfully tight, and I knew that he was taking solace in our closeness, the same way I had on so many occasions.

*

We woke up on the sofa in the early hours of the morning. Both exhausted, we dragged ourselves upstairs for more sleep. Ray seemed surprised when I joined him in his room, but he didn’t comment. It felt pointless to sleep in separate rooms when I’d spent the last few hours asleep on his chest, and something about the act of caring for Ray was soothing some of my own hurts. Being naturally submissive wasn’t just a kink; it was a personality trait, one side of which was being too caring for my own good, but at least that was the side I could feel proud of.

*

Ray had a cautious smile on his face when he came to find me in my room the following afternoon.

“Put your shoes on. We’re going for a walk.”

“Really?” I had to have misheard. There was surely no way he’d take me anywhere.

“A short one. In the woods. But Callie—”

“I won’t—”

“Don’t talk. Just listen.” That dangerous look was back in his eyes. “You will walk right beside me the entire time. If you go out of arm’s reach for even one second, I will bring you straight home and you will be punished. Severely. We are unlikely to see anyone, but if we do, you will not speak, you will not look at them, you will not attempt to communicate with them in any way. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Come here.” He turned me around so that he could braid my hair. Once he was finished, he handed me a pair of sunglasses.

“Do not take these off until we are back inside the house.”

I nodded and slipped them on. Ray put on his own pair and headed for the door, but I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him. Even though we both knew that any attempt at escape was futile, it still felt like he was taking a big risk for me. I stretched up and gave him a quick kiss.

“Thank you.”

Ray smiled and stroked my cheek.

“You deserve it. Just don’t make me regret trusting you.”

“I won’t.”

And then, just like that, we were outside – finally outside the confines of the house boundaries. Ray was leading me along a path at the side of the house that trailed off into the woods at the back of the garden. I brushed my hand against the rough red bricks of the garden wall as we went past. It felt odd to be on the other side of it. Ray took my other hand and gave it a firm squeeze.

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