Page 1 of Reclaimed

1

Sometimes when I remember being taken, I think I glimpse the men out of the corner of my eye when I first walk into David’s flat with the shopping. Other times I even see the door already ajar when I arrive home, the lock obviously tampered with. But in reality, it was cleaner than that. Would it be a kindness or a cruelty to pretend I’d had the option to prevent everything that happened afterwards? I never worked out how they got in, and in the end, I never asked.

*

My fingers had been going numb from the handles of the shopping bags cutting into them. It was fine – if I did an awkward kind of reshuffle every few minutes to shift the pain to a different part of my hand, then I always made it home. This was how normal people lived, so I’d just have to get used to it. If Ray could see me now – a housewife, and a poor one – perhaps he would realise that he didn’t miss me after all.

I let myself into the flat and dumped the bags down with relief, nursing my throbbing hands and wrists. I started putting away the groceries, leaving out what I’d need for that night. I had planned a special meal for David – as special as I could afford anyway. It was the only way I knew how to thank him, and it sated some of my need to… be of service. I knew I’d been a burden to him so far, not only with the trouble I’d caused, but just by being younger, and a student, and not having any of my own income. I think he was realising that having a younger fiancé wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I needed to find a way to make it up to him, and seeing as he didn’t approve of my usual methods of showing my devotion, I’d just have to find ways that were more… traditional.

I stared down at my engagement ring. David had chosen perfectly. He wanted to marry me. He’d only known me a year, but he’d already decided that I was enough.

A floorboard creaked in the hallway. I spun around in time to see a man lurch towards me. He slammed me into the fridge and forced his hand over my mouth before I could scream. His hand smelt of cheap soap, like hospitals. The flood of adrenaline was instant. I squirmed, desperately trying to get free, and let out a muffled yell of despair when I saw a second man approaching. Had I not locked the door? This was a safe part of town, but I’d been extra diligent about that kind of thing since last year. I tried to plead with the man using just my eyes, but he was unmoved. If he hadn’t been covering my mouth, I could have begged him not to hurt me, to just take what he wanted and go. But they weren’t there for any of our stuff; we had nothing worth taking.

They were there for me.

I saw a fleeting glimpse of rope in the second man’s hands before the first one flipped me around, pushing my front harshly into the door of the refrigerator, still covering my mouth. I tried to bite him, but his grip was too tight for me to move even an inch. I squealed as loud as I could while my hands were bound, praying that a neighbour or someone would hear me. It was still light out – weren’t they worried someone would see them?

The rope burnt my wrists – it was so tight I worried it would cut off my circulation. It was followed by a blindfold and a dry, choking gag. I tried not to hyperventilate. What did they want with me?

“I suggest you come quietly now, sweetheart,” a gruff voice whispered in my ear. I stilled immediately, automatically acquiescing in response to the threat in his voice.

“There’s a good girl,” he whispered. “Bring the bag.” He snapped the order at the other man. His fingers dug tightly into my upper arms as he guided me forwards. They were taking me out of the house. Someone would see. Surely someone would see? I felt one of the hands release its grip on my arm as a car lock bleeped somewhere in front of us. The sound jerked me out of my petrified trance and I took my chance, twisting suddenly sideways and down onto the ground.

“What the…?”

I scrambled on the concrete, but with my hands bound I wasn’t going anywhere fast. Rough hands – four of them this time – hoisted me up off the ground before setting me down in the boot of a car. There was a loud slam, and within seconds, the car was moving. There was no point struggling now; my chance had gone. All I could do was wait and confront the thought that had been nagging at me – surely this could only be Ray’s doing.

Ray had been my first. First everything really – first boss, first love, first lover. I hadn’t planned for it to happen, and despite what people thought, I don’t think he had either. But it had happened in a big way. All the things other people saw as red flags – his age, his authority, his dominance – had just made me more infatuated with him. I was eighteen when we got together, just trying to decide what to do with my life after school, but once he entered my life, I lost interest in everything else. Everyone around me went off to uni, but I stayed behind and moved in with Ray. He gave me everything my life up until then had been lacking – fun, sex, freedom, money. How could anyone leave that behind?

But I did leave it behind. Or at least I’d tried to.

Could he really have arranged all this? Just to get me back? It didn’t fit with the idea of him I had in my head – he’d always seemed so solid, so together, the calm to my chaos – but maybe it did fit with the man he’d been since we’d broken up… since I’d left him for David.

I had no sense of how much time was passing. The ropes dug into my wrist; my shoulders ached. I’d had to calm my breathing as best I could – the gag made it ten times harder to breathe. At some point on the journey, it had started raining, and I tried to concentrate on the sound of the rain beating against the car.

Ray wouldn’t do this. This was beyond even him. And it had been a whole year. Even if he was crazy enough to want to, he surely didn’t have the resources to arrange all this? But if it wasn’t Ray, then it had to be someone else. And if that were the case, why me?

*

Ray had become another person when I left. Watching his transformation had broken my heart. I didn’t know whether I hated, loved or pitied him. He’d thrown every possible emotional manipulation at me to try and get me to go back to him. He’d raged at me, guilt-tripped me, tried to make me jealous, even had his friends plead with me on his behalf… His need for me had made him wildly unpredictable, and where he had once been my comfort, he had become a source of true fear. He was so angry, so desperate, I had no idea to what lengths he would go to get me back. But it was such a leap from all of that to this. He’d been grieving then, so I could almost understand his behaviour, even while it was destroying me, but this… this was criminal. He wouldn’t risk this much just for me.

But then who else could it be? I hadn’t heard anything from Ray for months, not even when David and I had got engaged, so I’d assumed he was getting over it. I’d missed him fiercely, but I knew that, with the state he was in, there was no way we could have maintained contact. His feelings for me were just too strong… as were mine for him. There had been so many moments where I’d longed to call him, to say that surely we could just meet up as friends so I could see him again, but I’d held back, for his sake and for mine. He’d never left my head though, not even at night. I’d dreamt of situations like this, over and over again, sometimes even with longing, but I’d never truly expected him to do it. Could this just be another one of those dreams?

2

I heard and felt the engine stop. Doors opened and slammed shut again. When the door of the boot opened, cool night air hit my skin. I gulped it down when my gag was removed. You become grateful for small things fast. I stayed limp and quiet as I was lifted out. At least I’d have my answer soon.

Rough hands forced me down to my knees. No one spoke. There was a soft thud as something was thrown down on the ground beside me. Car doors slammed; an engine revved. They were leaving me there. Cold rain ran down my bare arms.

A dim light penetrated the blindfold, but not enough for me to see any of my surroundings. I prayed that I was alone. And then I prayed that I wasn’t.

The sudden crunch of gravel stopped my breath. There was no point trying to run, so I tried to make myself smaller, curling down on myself until I could smell the rain-beaten soil beneath me. I felt and heard the footsteps stop in front of me. I knew who I expected to see, who I desperately hoped I would see. There were no good outcomes here, but the only outcome where I wouldn’t fear for my life was if it turned out to be Ray standing before me. I didn’t want to believe he was capable of this, but a scorned ex-lover was more likely, more conceivable, than an unknown abductor.

Let it be Ray, please don’t let it be anyone other than Ray. Ray won’t kill me. Ray loves me.Please let this be just another one of my dreams, just a sick fantasy I can wake up from. But the hand that lifted my chin and brushed away a strand of damp hair was too solid, too electric not to be real. It had to be him. Please… I kept rigidly still, as my blindfold was untied, and steeled myself for whatever I was about to see.

The eyes that met mine were like molten rock – so ablaze, so blinding, that I had to look away.

Ray.

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