Page 79 of Break for Me

“Jersey?” I asked when he was upright in front of me again.

Why?

“What now?” I asked instead, in case the answer was one I didn’t really want.

The way that he smirked made me think he probably knew that wasn’t what I really wanted to ask.

“Memphis will have a place setup for us for the night,” he said. “And I guess we’ll figure the rest out tomorrow.”

He scooped his arm around me to support the weight of my left side and helped me back into the car before he went around to his own side. He called Memphis again on the drive to the hotel, but he didn’t seem to have a reason for it. He asked if she was really in Memphis, she told him that she was. She said she was already locked out of whatever software systems their organization used. He asked if that would stop her from doing anything that she really needed to be doing, she laughed like he was an idiot for doubting her. But mostly, they were both quiet. Neither suggested hanging up. Neither suggested that we could just check in with her when we made it to the hotel. It dawned on me that they were both afraid that something was about to separate them permanently, and that maybe if they just stayed connected on the phone, they could prevent it from happening that way. Jersey never struck me as the kind of man who was afraid of being alone, but I’d spent a ridiculous amount of time with him over the last week and I’d never once seen or heard him talk to someone other than Memphis. He tried to tell me that she was just his handler, but she was his literal lifeline. He wasn’t afraid of being alone. He was afraid of being without her.

I couldn’t stop my hand from reaching out to squeeze his where it sat on the gearshift between us. I felt the tension from my contact with him fire all the way up every muscle in his arm. Nobody knew better than me how it felt to have no choice other than solitude. No one knew better than me that it was absolutely something worth fearing. Being entirely alone against your will changed who you were on a cellular level. The ability to understand other people disappeared completely, and was instead replaced with a crushing suspicion about the motivations of every human that you encountered.

I laid my head against his shoulder and kept my hand on his for the rest of the drive. I swallowed the sudden urge to ask him all the questions about what made him this way that were trying to rip their way out of my heart to break it open for him. I couldn’t imagine what he must’ve lived through in his life to leave him choosing a job like this one, what he must’ve survived to be in a position to enjoy this kind of lifestyle.

He carried me every step of the way from the car to our hotel room. He sat me on the edge of the bed before he shrugged my backpack off his shoulders to place it on the floor at my feet and then he turned back for the door.

“What are you doing?” I asked, attempting to stand to follow him and failing miserably.

“Going back to Seph for my bag?”

I looked around the entire room, confused by every bit of what was happening. I laughed at how ridiculous it was when I realized why this felt so strange. He’d brought me in here first, he was leaving me with my own backpack. He hadn’t left me locked in the trunk to carry all of our stuff inside, he hadn’t scoured every inch of this room for things that I might use against him, and he was about to leave me alone in here to go back outside.

“You don’t have to stay anymore, Triss.”

He was gone before I could even say anything. It was jarring to realize that even if I was fully capable of walking right out that door, I wouldn’t have done it. It was even more unpleasant to realize in that moment that all I really wanted was for him to come back in here to tell me about his world. I pulled his black shirt from my backpack and crawled my way to the bathroom, in absolute disbelief at how things had turned out over the last few hours.

fifty-six

JERSEY

Dumbass.

No. She didn’t have to stay with me now.

But I didn’t have to tell her that either.

Because no. There was no fucking way that I really would just let her leave.

Even if she decided she wanted nothing to do with me, there was no chance I’d let her just walk away. I was unemployed now, and fully prepared to dedicate every spare second of my time to knowing what she was doing with every second of her days. Whether she knew about it or not was really the only choice that she had in the matter. Whether she stayed with me and willingly made me a part of her daily routine, or I stuck to the shadows until she needed to be saved again, I wasn’t going to just let her go.

I considered calling Memphis again for this walk back outside, but I figured I was making her uncomfortable by this point. I had no doubt she was in danger now. She wouldn’t have been if we’d just failed the job like the others had done. We would’ve been retired and removed from the organization, but she at least would’ve been safe. Nate Evans didn’t strike me as the kind of man who was above seeking revenge. I imagined now that I’d taken a shot at his only remaining son’s life and wiped out everyone who’d been in that building with Trista, we probably all landed squarely on his hunted list. And if they couldn’t find me, they’d use Memphis to draw me back out. Stopping tonight was probably a mistake. We should’ve already been on our way to Tennessee for her. She could find anyone under the sun. She had the ability to erase my existence from the face of the world. But she had no idea how to hide herself. The likelihood of her being able to defend herself seemed even smaller. Her best chance at safety now was to be where I could keep an eye on her.

I pulled my phone out to text her once I was headed back toward the hotel entrance.

Me: We’ll leave for Tennessee first thing in the morning. 14 hours or so of driving from where we are now. Be ready to come with me.

I stopped to stare at the screen until the phone told me the message had been delivered. And I didn’t breathe again until those bubbles popped up to tell me that she was responding.

Memphis: Thank you, Jersey.

I smiled as I made it back to the door of the hotel room when I realized that by this time tomorrow, I’d find out what Memphis looked like.

But that smile could’ve blown a fucking hole through the floor with how hard it fell from my face to find the room empty. I slung the duffel bag at the wall across the room while the anger threatened to blind me another time, working its way toward shifting my brain out of its control over my body.

She actually fucking left.

The click of the bathroom door right beside me managed to pierce the rage cloak that was closing around me and let just enough light back in for my brain to grasp hold of it. Trista stood there blinking at me, wearing only my shirt.

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