Page 142 of Mad As Hell

I turned slowly and blinked at Ryan, bristling at his command. “I wasn’t asking your permission.”

His eyes narrowed. Even his chest seemed to get bigger as he breathed harder. “Goddamn it, Maddie.”

Bex eased away from us with wide, concerned eyes. The only person she should have been concerned for was Ryan, because he was out of his mind if he thought I would just go along with whatever he decided.

“You don’t get to order me around, Ryan. That’s not something I agreed to, and Gary didn’t give me a choice.” I glanced at the digital clock near the TV. “It’s going to take us, what? An hour to get back to campus from here? He’s picking me up at five, so we have to leave soon.”

“No, we don’t, because you aren’t fucking going,” he snapped.

“Yes, I am,” I insisted, closing the distance between us. He might’ve had several inches and a lot more muscle on me, but no way was I backing down. “You clearly heard what he said. He threatened my mom. I’m going.” I whirled away, my long hair slapping his chest. I barely made it a step before his hand clamped down on my arm and spun me back.

“You’re out of your damn mind if you think I’m letting you anywhere near him alone after what he did to you last time,” Ryan seethed, his teeth clenched and jaw tight.

My brows arched. “You mean after you tossed me aside and left me alone with him?”

Ryan stared at me for a beat before letting me go and pacing away. He paused by the window and looked back as Bex slipped from the room.

“Is this how it’s always going to be?” he finally demanded, glaring at me with burning eyes. “You constantly throwing history in my face? I’ve apologized, Maddie. I’m doing everything I can to make up for what happened before.”

I huffed out a low breath, feeling a smidge bad. “I sure as hell don’t want to keep bringing this up. Don’t you think I wish I could forget what you did?”

A muscle in his jaw popped as he clenched his teeth. “Maddie… Dammit.”

“You hurt me,” I added, holding up a hand when he started to interrupt. “No, you betrayed me. And yes, I’ve forgiven you, but…”

“But what?” he demanded, blue eyes flashing dangerously. “You said that you trusted me, Mads. I thought we’d moved past this.”

Shit, I’d kind of backed myself into a corner here, but I couldn’t just roll over. Yes, I’d forgiven him, and I was trying to move on, but the way he was acting, like I couldn’t make my own decisions was really freaking irritating and totally uncool. We were supposed to be in this together.

I looked away as I wrapped my arms around my torso as vulnerability crept in. “Look, the last time I felt this way about you? The last time I trusted you? You abandoned me when I needed you most. You didn’t trust me.”

He flinched. “Baby, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that.”

“I know you’re sorry. But sorry doesn’t erase the pit in my stomach or keep me from habitually wondering when you’re going to jerk the rug out from under me again.” My chest ached as I told him my biggest fear.

“I will never do that to you again. Mads, we’re past that,” he said, his voice trembling with the effort to convey his point. He crossed to me in two long strides, sliding his hands up my neck to cradle my face. “Jesus, how much longer are you going to hold that shit against me?”

“That shit?” I echoed, resisting the urge to step out of his touch, but damn. My body craved it like a drug, even if my brain was shooting off don’t be a dumbass warning bells. “That shit,” I clarified, meeting his gaze and legit proud of myself for holding it steady, “damn near ruined everything. I think we can both agree I paid a much higher price than you did.”

Fire lit his eyes as his whole body tensed, except his hands. The hands resting on me were infinitely gentle, like he was holding delicate glass between them. “That’s exactly my point. You can’t go near Gary, Maddie. Not alone.”

“The only way I’m going to survive this is by doing exactly what he wants, Ry. If I don’t go, he’s going to hurt my mother. You know that.”

“I know he isn’t going to win,” he retorted coldly. “I know that I’ll snap his neck with my bare hands if he hurts you again.”

I leaned my cheek into his palm and smiled sadly. “You say the sweetest things.”

A smile ghosted across his features. “I know I fucked up, Maddie. Royally. Epically. But I’m not going to let you down again.”

“That’s good,” I whispered, “because I don’t think my heart can take it again if you do.”

He rested his forehead against mine and exhaled.

“I need you to trust me, Ryan,” I added, my hands gripping the soft fabric of his shirt.

He let out an aggrieved sigh. “Fine. But I’ll be there, too.”

“Ryan—”

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