Page 68 of Mad As Hell

“I’ve missed you,” he confessed. “I miss this. Talking to you and seeing you smile. I know I sound like a broken record at this point, but I’m going to make it up to you, Maddie.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d said as much in the past two days, but something about this moment made the words land a little different. Maybe because my back wasn’t completely against the wall…or maybe because I felt the same way.

A sad smile crept across my face. “I’ve missed you, too.”

CHAPTER 19

MADDIE

After Ryan dropped me off in front of my dorm, I took the stairs to Bex’s room on the fifth floor. Judging by how winded I was when I reached the landing, the last two weeks without cheering had killed some of my stamina. Maybe I should start running again.

Not that I really had any extra calories to burn, but I needed something.

I knocked and waited for Bex. The door was wrenched open a second later and revealed my still visibly annoyed bestie.

“Not a good time?” I gave her a small smile.

She let out a groan and waved me inside. “No, come in. Sorry. I’m still just so freaking done with… everything.”

I entered and closed the door behind me. Her room was standard for an academy student, which meant it was a third the size of my suite and she shared it with a roommate who never seemed to be around.

Bex’s side of the room was messy. Papers and books lay in piles on her desk, effectively burying her laptop. Despite Bex sleeping in Ash’s room last night, her bed was unmade. Her closet doors were open, and I could see a pile of clothes at the bottom.

“Stop looking at my mess,” she ordered playfully, pushing my shoulder a little. “You’re such a neat-freak, Mads.”

My eyebrows lifted. “Yeah, well, when you come from a place that is never clean, you like being able to control it once you’re free.”

Ha. Free. That was such a joke. I was more caged now than I’d ever been.

I tried to change the subject. “Heard you slept with Ash.”

She whirled, her jaw dropping open until she saw I was barely holding in my laughter. She threw a pillow at me. “Jerk.”

I tossed it back. “Sorry. Couldn’t resist.” After a pause I added, “Ash unlocked more stuff on Madelaine’s phone.”

Her eyes widened. “What’s on it?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t even know if I can stomach seeing any more than I have.” I could feel my intestines twisting into knots.

Bex watched me carefully, as if trying to get a read on my head space. Ultimately, she opted to change the subject. “How was brunch? Is Ryan still being an ass?” She turned around and yanked up the covers to messily make her bed, then tossed the pillows on top.

“Bittersweet?” I frowned, remembering how Ryan had tried to give me some of his breakfast when he’d seen me picking at mine. The bland food felt gelatinous when I tried to swallow, and I’d nearly gagged. He knew something was off, something beyond my hurt feelings, but he wasn’t pressing the issue.

Yet.

I knew eventually I would have to come clean. Ryan wasn’t the type of man to let something slide, especially when he knew it was upsetting me.

Bex sat at the head of her bed and thumped the mattress. “Come sit. Unless you want to go hang out in your room?”

I shook my head. After dropping my purse by the door, I crossed the room and crawled onto the foot of her bed. I kicked off my shoes and pulled my legs to my chest, wrapping my arms around my shins and resting my chin on my knees as I looked at her.

“I have snacks,” she offered, pity and concern shining in her eyes.

I shook my head. My stomach was upset, and I was getting disturbingly used to not having food again. It had been years since I’d let my hunger turn to numbness. As soon as I’d been old enough to hold down a job, I’d made sure I got food. Usually it was from the places I’d worked, because it was free or heavily discounted. But over the past few months, I had gotten used to living in a world where excellent food was available at the ready.

“Okay,” Bex murmured, “what happened with Ryan? Did you tell him more about what went down with Gary?”

“No.” I sighed a little and glanced away. “I don’t know what a difference it would make, and I’m not sure I trust Ryan. Today was just about figuring out a schedule so I know when and where I’m expected.”

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