Page 14 of My Brutal Beast

“I was created long ago, in an age when the world was still new and barely populated. We were tasked with guarding humans from dark forces who wished them harm.”

“Dark forces?” The idea sounds incredible to me, but it’s not like I ever thought I’d be sitting in a bathtub naked after fucking a man who has wings and a tail.

He nods. “Things like demons and other dark creatures exist. They tempt humans and eat away at their souls. After enough time, those humans turn into a darker version of themselves, monstrous but still human. They are cruel, violent, and will kill and infect everything they can, spreading the darkness like a disease. It was our duty—is my duty—to eradicate those creatures before they can damage the populace.”

“You’ve gone through so much,” I whisper. I try to imagine if I could handle living Raven’s life. The first humans were recorded over a million years ago. He’s spent all that time seeing the darker sides of the world and having to save it with bloodshed. How is he still sane?

Raven picks up a Tangle Teezer, then takes a quarter of my long hair and begins to comb from the ends up to my scalp. The action and his gentleness surprise me. My gaze jumps to his face, but he isn’t looking at me. Rather, he’s staring intently at my hair, as if he needs the distraction. A part of me needs it too.

When he finishes, he sets the brush down. His voice is low, full of sadness, as he says, “It was difficult to see such heinous crimes. They were neverending. Many of my siblings fell to the darkness over time. They couldn’t handle the battles, the creatures, or the loss of humans they tried to protect. I have done my best, but my soul has also been tainted by the darkness.”

Raven picks up my hand and kisses it gently. “I have done horrible things, my little star, and at times—much like last night—I desired it and would have done more if you were not there. I was made for battle, for killing, to follow duty blindly. And for the time I’ve been alive, I have—mostly without question. But the moment I saw you, something changed. It was as if my soul recognized yours across time and space. I knew you were important. Destined to be mine.”

Raven’s hand slides to my cheek. “I understand that this may all be new for you. It is new for me too. I understand that I may make mistakes. I don’t know much about human etiquette, or even the name of emotions outside of fear and anger. But I want to learn. You have the most brilliant, radiant soul I have ever seen, and while I don’t deserve you, I will try my hardest to. If you will teach me, I vow to spend eternity cherishing you.”

He’s so hopeful, putting his heart out on the line, and I want to take it, I do, but—

“Raven…I—I—there’s so much you don’t know about me. So much I’ve gotten wrong in my own life, and I’m scared. I want to trust you, I want to believe in whatever this is that’s happening between us, but I’m terrified to make a mistake. To mess this up too.”

Raven cups my head, and I wrap my hands around his large wrists. “Why are you so sure you will?”

“Because I always have!” I cry. “I’ve let people into my life who shouldn’t be there, I’ve let people use me, allowed myself to be taken advantage of just because I was lonely. I was stupid and foolish and I have to do better, but that also means I need to heal. I need to see myself as someone worthy of more than that, but you shouldn’t have to go through that with me.”

“Cassandra,” he croaks, and the way he says my name is too much. I turn my head away, but he grasps my chin, making me meet his eyes.

“My little star, my beautiful, incredible, little star, do you think there’s anywhere else I’d want to be than with you?”

Raven brushes his hand through my hair, sliding his fingers down the back of my neck. He holds it gently and caresses my ears with his thumbs. I can’t turn away from him like this, can’t argue, can’t see anything but him. And as his eyes bore into mine, I know that’s why he’s done it. But I still can’t answer him, because I want to believe him—my heart is screaming for me to—and yet I’m so enraptured by this man that I don’t want to put him through all of that. It simply isn’t fair.

He rubs my ears again, then strokes my neck with his fingers as he says, “I know about the Reddit post and what you went through last night. But it wasn’t just that, was it? Tell me. Tell me all of it so I understand, and then you can see that I will still be here. That the choice I make will always be you.”

My heart is in my throat, and I can do nothing more than nod. He wraps his arms around me, picks me up, and settles me onto his lap. He grabs a towel and begins to dry my back. When I shift to move away from him, not wanting to make him wet, he simply tightens his arm around my waist and shakes his head. So I stay and begin to tell him my story.

“My family was middle class,” I start. “They wanted more for themselves. They were obsessed with it, and I think the only reason they had me was to try and further that goal.”

Raven doesn’t say anything, but his body grows taut. Still, his movements are gentle as he dries my arms and the tops of my thighs.

“As soon as I was born, they showed me off to everyone. One of my earliest memories is of them putting me against another child at our kindergarten graduation, sharing all the ways I was superior. I had to look the most elegant, enunciate my words the most accurately, never make a mistake, never look dirty, never complain or talk back. As I got older, they threw parties, places where I had to go mingle and make nice with the sons and daughters of anyone who had more money than us.”

I take a deep breath, wishing I could ignore this part, somehow say it in a way that won’t upset Raven. But I can’t, so I simply tell the truth.

“My parents arranged a marriage between me and a boy from a more prominent family,” I say. His chest begins to vibrate, his hand shaking as rage takes over his face. I rest my hand over his heart and quickly say, “It’s okay, it didn’t go through, and I’m sorry I had to tell you, but it’s part of why—”

“It’s alright,” he says as he runs his hand over my back. “I understand, and I promised you I would listen. Tell me the rest.”

I meet his eyes, see the certainty there, and force myself to swallow so I can speak again. “They wanted me to marry my father’s boss’s son, the next VP of the company. It would have secured enough money and status for a lifetime. But then my father found out my mother was having an affair with his boss, and she left. One day she was there, and the next she was gone. She didn’t even say goodbye.

“My father couldn’t handle it. He started drinking, doing drugs, and every day when he came home, he blamed me. For not being good enough, not doing enough. For not being perfect.”

“Cassandra—” Raven says, but I cut him off.

“It’s okay. I just…let me get through this,” I whisper. At Raven’s nod, I continue: “My father had two modes. He either neglected me or abused me; there was no in-between.

“I recognize that now, but at the time I just wondered, Why me? What did I do to upset him so much? Why couldn’t I be what he wanted? Why couldn’t I do more? Why was I such a bad daughter? But in the end, it didn’t matter. None of it did,” I shrug, “because my father, in his drunk, drug-induced haze, stole money and tried to hire someone to murder his boss, all to get revenge on him for sleeping with my mother. It didn’t work, of course, but my father got caught and is in prison now. I had to change my name at eighteen so I wouldn’t be involved or face any discrimination from the case. But that’s why I—”

“Needed someone?” Raven asks.

“Yes. I just wanted to feel loved, to feel important. To have someone tell me that I didn’t deserve everything that I’d gone through, that I am enough for someone, that I deserve to be loved. To feel safe.”

---