Page 88 of Dark Knight

He looks away, staring out the window over the sink. “Don’t tell me what I know, little girl. You don’t have the first clue.”

“What, are you planning on burying yourself here? Hiding out from the whole world? That’s what you would be doing, too, isn’t it? Living like a hermit. Watching the rest of the world moving while you’re too stuck and too stubborn to actually join in. Or too afraid.”

The muscles in his cheek twitch and his nostrils flare, but he won’t say a word. “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you aren’t doing this to run away from me, more than anything. You would rather stay here and be miserable and surrounded by awful memories than take a chance at living a life. Don’t you know you’re better than that? You’re worth more than this.”

Cold, uncertain silence fills the room. I don’t know what else to say. I could beg, but what good would that do even if I was willing to degrade myself? I could remind him of how happy I thought we were lately. How well we fit together and fill in the other’s empty places. How I have never felt more myself than when I was here with him.

All he would do is find a way to make fun of me. To turn it into a joke. I can’t believe he would mean it – that’s the worst part of this. He’s lying; I know he is. There’s no way I made up everything I felt coming from him. It was more than lust or chemistry or even loneliness. I’ve been through all of those.

This was different. I know it in my bones.

“Are you finished?”

Is there a wounded puppy in the house? No, that whimper came from me before I could stop it. “Fine, then,” I whisper as I watch everything I thought was mine dissolve like wisps of smoke in a stiff breeze. I step up until we’re toe-to-toe, forcing myself to look him in the eye one more time, no matter how my heart screams in agony. “That’s fine. I want you to know you won’t see me again. I won’t put myself through it. I don’t know where I’m going. I only know I won’t risk seeing your face.”

His jaw ticks. “Am I supposed to believe that?”

“I don’t care what you believe. I’m just letting you know.” Even now, when I hate him with all my strength, being this close to him is torture. Not being able to touch him.

The creak of the door hinges barely registers my awareness. It’s the voice following the sound that gets my attention. “What the hell is going on here?”

My heart seizes at the sound of that familiar voice. No, no, this isn’t happening.

But there’s no denying the sight of my father standing in the living room, the front door still standing open. In one hand, he holds a key. “What the hell did I walk in on? Tell me. Now.”

My brain is going to short circuit. There he is, wearing the sort of polished outfit Mrs. Cooper described: gray slacks, a black turtleneck, a long coat I know cost a small fortune. All at once, the massive difference between this house and the world I’m about to return to comes into sharp focus.

“Nothing,” I somehow manage to choke. “Just… we were…”

“The secret’s out.” Romero gives me a filthy look that pretty much wrecks me. I would swear we went back to where we started. Like nothing has changed at all. “We never did learn to get along.”

“I was hoping you would.” My father scowls at me. “I hoped you would try your best.”

“It’s not her fault.” Romero shrugs. “I’m not easy to get along with.”

“Well, it’s over now.” Dad’s expression goes from stormy to elated. “Are you ready to come home? Where are your bags?”

I’m supposed to act like everything is normal now? Who was I before I came here? My God, I can hardly remember her. My father stares at me, still smiling, waiting for me to respond with… What? God damn Romero. This is all his fault. The spineless bastard.

“I… was going to go up and get everything together now.”

“Are you feeling all right? You’re not sick, are you? I thought you were taking care of yourself while you were here.”

This is all too surreal. I have to be alone. I can’t stand here in front of both of them and still function. “I’m fine. Surprised, that’s all. I had no idea… I mean, I didn’t know things were…”

“I didn’t want to tell her until I was sure everything was settled – and I figured you would rather be the one to tell her, anyway.” Always the kiss ass, isn’t he? And here I am, wishing he was dead.

But not nearly half as much as I wish I was dead.

“Of course. That makes sense.” Everything is fine in Dad’s world. Any decent daughter would be happy to see him looking so happy. However, I am not a decent daughter. I’m not a decent person, period.

“I better go upstairs.”

“Wait a second.” I’m so close to getting past him when he stops me. “Don’t I get a hug after all this time?”

That is the last thing I need to do. I reek of sex–I’m sure he’ll pick up Romero’s scent on me if we get too close. “I don’t think you want any of this right now.” Somehow, he even manages to laugh. “Let me take a quick shower first. But I am really happy to see you, Daddy.” And then I flat-out flee for the privacy of a room that was never mine in the first place. Right now it’s my only comfort.

My heart thuds painfully by the time I reach the front bedroom and close the door, then lean against it and gasp for breath. So this is how it ends. Who am I kidding? Nothing ever began. How could it have if the cold, empty shell down there could push me out of his life like I’m a fly he’s swatting away? That’s all I am to him. An insect. Something small and annoying and useless. I was kidding myself to think I would ever be more than that.

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