Page 38 of Dark Knight

“What do you want? You can tell me.” Because I know what I want, and it can't be. My hands flex, aching to cup her cheeks. To draw her close, to kiss her. Hard. Deep. For long enough that her knees buckle and she clings to me for support. I've never known a desire this deep, this overwhelming. It sits so heavy on my chest that I can barely breathe. My hands tighten into fists, shaking from the fight to hold myself back when it would be so easy to give in.

A soft, broken whimper escapes her parted lips. “I want it to all go away—all the memories. I just want them gone. How do I do that? Is it possible?” Her voice breaks, and she shudders, turning her face toward the water like that will do anything to hide the anguish she's struggling with.

I would kill him again here and now if I hadn't already done it. There she was: beautiful, intelligent, bright, and energetic. A royal pain in the ass, yeah, but she had the whole fucking world laid out in front of her. She was poised to take anything she wanted. And he turned her into this, and there is no escaping the memories because God knows I've tried to escape my own. You can only push them down for so long before something happens to bring them up, like having to confront them in your childhood home.

“Tatum... I wish...”That I could help you. Tell me how I can help you. The heart I was so sure I didn't have calls out to her, yearning to hold and protect her from the world and all its demons, but I can't force the words out.

And before I can find a way, someone calls my name. “Yo, it's him! Romero!”

Motherfucker. I want to pretend I didn't hear it, but that's impossible. She heard it, and now she looks over my shoulder while swiping her hand under her eyes to catch the emotion that overflowed in the form of reluctant tears.

“Romero!” With a soft groan, I turn around, scanning the water’s edge until I find Dex waving his arms over his head a few hundred yards from where we stand. “Hey, man! Come over!”

“Over to what?” I call back.

“We got a fire going and drinks and shit!”

“Who’s we?” I mutter. It's incredible how quickly my walls come up, and my defenses go into overdrive.

“We can't ignore them,” Tatum points out. “And really, how many people are there in the world who actually want to spend time with you?”

It's so easy to forget how broken she is inside when she gets smart with me. It could be for the best. It's easier to fight back the incomprehensible desire that keeps springing up when she's acting like a spoiled smartass.

“Yeah, sure,” I call back before reluctantly continuing the walk. The wind shifts, and I can smell the fire Dex was talking about. It's a shame I didn't smell it before now. We could have gotten out of here before being spotted.

It's more than just a couple of people. Five big tents are arranged in a circle with a fire crackling away in the center. There are multiple chairs, a couple of coolers, and ten people milling around, drinking, laughing, and having a good time.

“Hey!” I barely recognize Andrew, another one of the kids we hung out with back in the day. He was always the smallest of the group, but he’s grown more than a foot and put on a lot of muscle between then and now. Before I can register what he's doing, he throws his arms around me and even lifts my feet off the ground. Tatum’s choked laughter is no help.

“Hey, man. It's good to see you.” He sets me down and gives me a playful shove. “Where the fuck have you been? We thought you were dead!”

“No, I'm alive.” And that's all I'm going to say because that's all anybody needs to know. Looking around, I recognize the many faces and can't help wondering if this is where I would have ended up: getting drunk at the lake, chain-smoking, fucking around with people I’ve known my entire life. Not that there's anything wrong with that, and they all seem cheerful and happy, but I know now that there's so much more in the world. This world seems so small in comparison.

One of the girls comes over and gives Tatum a little wave. She’s a cute little redhead I vaguely remember–I’m sure she caught my eye when we were kids, but she couldn’t have made much of an impression if I’m left searching for her name. “Hi. I'm Chloe,” she announces after giving me an appraising look. Probably sizing me up the way I’m doing to her and trying to pair the past up with the present.

Tatum has no such thing to think about, instead offering a bright smile. “I'm Tatum.”

“Do you want a beer?” She nods happily, and they head for one of the coolers. Well, it didn't take long for her to warm up. Chloe introduces her to Brian, who jerks his chin in greeting when our eyes meet across the campfire. We were never close, but he always hung around on the periphery. The way they look at each other tells me they’re a couple.

“You want a drink?” Dex holds out a fresh bottle of beer, but I shake my head.

“Just water for me. I've got the bike out for the first time in forever, so I want to stay clear-headed.”

“Hey! There you are!” Austin emerges from one of the tents and drapes an arm around Tatum's waist on approaching her from behind. I watch closely, pretending to listen to Dex talking about God only knows what. Torn between wanting to lunge in and protect her but hanging back because she needs to handle this herself.

She flinches, but no more than a person normally would when surprised. When she recognizes him, she smiles and leans in a little in a brief moment of friendly nearness, and he's smart enough to drop his arm when she pulls away.

“I had my first motorcycle ride today!” she tells him. A smile lights up her face until she’s glowing brighter than the fire and, I swear to God, I would give anything to make her smile like that all the time. No self-consciousness, no fear, no ugly memories rearing up to slap her down and make her feel so low and small.

“I could take you for a ride sometime,” he offers with a grin that can only mean trouble.

It's not until Dex nudges me and laughs that I realize I'm staring daggers across the fire. “You said it was complicated, right?” he asks, reminding me of our dinner and how reluctant I was to open up about her. Reluctant and, let's face it, unable.

I don't answer, instead asking, “You guys come here a lot?” I have to ignore it. This is none of my business. She doesn’t belong to me and, hell, she’s enjoying herself for once. I’d be an unforgivable prick if I got in the middle of it.

“We try to hang out a couple times a month. This is probably one of the last times it'll be warm enough to come out here and camp overnight, so we figured we would take advantage.”

“Cool. It's good you’re all still hanging out.”

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