Page 115 of Dark Knight

“I won’t. Not until you listen to me.”

“What could you possibly say? There’s nothing that would make this acceptable.”

“I love him.”

It’s out there. I said it. There’s no taking it back now. Not when Dad practically sways on his feet like he’s had a severe shock. Not when Bianca gasps sharply. They all heard it.

And somehow, Romero is the only one who doesn’t react. I guess I shocked him too much.

I’ll deal with that later – if Dad lets him live long enough.

What am I doing? How do I stop this? How do I get through? Frantic questions bounce around inside my skull so loud I can hardly hear myself think.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Dad growls. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

Bitter tears well up in my eyes, though I force them back. I am not going to break down. Not now. Even if it breaks my heart a little, hearing him say that and knowing he means it. He genuinely thinks I’m incapable of knowing my own heart.

“And there you go,” I whisper, shaking my head. “So sure you know best. One minute, you’re telling me I’m smart and capable, and the next, you’re talking to me like I’m some stupid kid who doesn’t know which end is up. I’m tired of it. I am so tired, Daddy. I need you to actually give me a little credit for once, for real. Not some encouraging words you don’t really mean.”

Either he is shocked that I’m speaking up for myself, or I caught him off guard. Regardless, he goes silent, and I jump on the chance to be heard. “I know you mean well. I really do. But sometimes, you’re so sure that what you’re doing is right you don’t think about what it means for everybody else. Like back home, in your old town. All that work that’s being done, all those improvements? They’re a great thing, and I know it's coming from a good place. But there’s another side to it. People are getting pushed out of their homes because they can’t afford the taxes now that the property values are increasing. Did you ever stop and think about that? No, because you’re so busy patting yourself on the back that you forget there are consequences. You keep me away from him–hurt him, threaten him, whatever–and it will break my heart. You’ll think you did the right thing, but you might as well kill me.”

I touch a hand to my chest again. My heart is still pounding away, but I’m not trembling anymore. And I’m not going to cry. Every word I manage to get out without him arguing or shutting me down makes me a little stronger.

“I know it scares you to think of me being with a man like you. Somebody who does the kind of work you do. I know you want me to be with somebody else.”

The whole idea is so ridiculous, that I have to laugh. “But Dad, this is the world I grew up in. What did you expect? I love him. And I know what I’m doing.”

Do I? I’m not so sure right now, with Romero nothing but silent and Dad looking like he wishes I’d get out of the way so he can commit murder.

“I know you want things your way,” I tell him, “but your way isn’t always the best. And I know Romero would’ve fought to stay away from me because of you. He doesn’t want to disappoint you. But we couldn’t help it. Can’t you understand that?”

Dad blinks slowly, studying me like I’m some mystery he just discovered. Surprise, his daughter has needs and desires of her own. What a revelation. “You don’t have the first idea what you’re talking about.”

The old me would’ve chosen this moment as the perfect opportunity to scream my head off. Who could blame me if I did? I now know what it’s like to talk to a brick wall.

I’m not going to fall back on old habits. Not now, when I’m fighting for something that matters. “I know it would make things easier for you if that was true, but it isn’t. You can either accept that I’m a grown woman and can make my own choices, or we can fight like this for the rest of our lives. I don’t want that. Do you?”

“No. I don’t.”

But for some reason, he’s still furious. And he’s still glaring over my head at the man standing behind me.

“You,” he snarls at Romero. “You’re coming with me.”

“Dad!” Am I talking to myself? He didn't hear a word I said. Just like always. “How can you ignore me?”

“I’m not ignoring you.” He reaches around me to take hold of Romero’s shoulder. “I’ll deal with you later. Right now, I’m dealing with him.”

I grab desperately for Romero’s arm, but he shakes me off like I’m nothing. Just like Dad, he finds it easy to ignore me. Dad marches from the room, and as usual, Romero follows right behind him like a faithful employee. And all I can do is stand here, feeling small and useless and disregarded.

Bianca flies to my side and wraps her arms around me, as I cover my mouth to stifle a sob. “I’m so sorry. I am so sorry.”

It’s not her fault. I would tell her that if I wasn’t crying so hard. If it didn’t feel like my heart would burst out of my chest at any second. What’s left of it, anyway.

“It’s not enough,” I finally choke out. “I’mnot enough.”

And I never will be. I might as well get used to the idea.

CHAPTER39

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