Page 96 of Dark Knight

“You know, I’m almost offended that you would say that. You know I won’t tell him. Like I said, I loved you first. I’ve always got your back.”

She stands all of a sudden and marches to the bathroom. “I’m going to run a bath for you. You need to relax for a little while. Maybe take a nap, too – after you get out of the tub.”

“Oh, thanks for clearing that up for me.” I can’t believe how much my wounded heart needs that little bit of love. Just knowing somebody cares enough to watch out for me. I need to stop closing myself off whenever things get hard. It’s so easy to tell myself nobody cares, that it’s easier to keep everything inside. I tell myself I’m saving everybody the trouble of worrying about me.

At times like this, I might even believe I’m not worth worrying about.

After soaking in the tub until the water goes cold and taking a nap, I feel much better. We are an hour away from dinner when I leave my room, dressed, makeup on, and ready to put on a show. So long as Dad doesn’t suspect anything, I’m fine.

There’s no time to obsess when I reach the kitchen, which is how I imagine a battlefield looking at the height of the fight. The sink is stacked with sloppy mixing bowls and there’s flour and sugar dusting on just about every flat surface. She's dripped pumpkin puree on the floor at some point – I grab a dish towel and wipe that up before something terrible happens.

Bianca is setting the table in the dining room while Sheryl pulls the turkey from the oven. The aroma makes my mouth water. “Let me help you.”

Once she sets the pan on the counter, she hands me a foil roll. “Tent that, please.” I do as I’m told while she slides a couple of baking dishes into the oven to take the turkey’s place. There’s an entire spreadsheet laid out on the tablet propped up on the counter, and she makes a satisfied sound after peering at it. “Right on schedule.”

I’m glad she feels secure in the middle of this madness. “If you’re on schedule, take a breather. I’ll load up the dishwasher and clean up a little bit for you.”

For once, she doesn’t argue. “You are an angel.”

No. It’s just that I have a conscience and can’t watch her run herself ragged. Plus, it’s something to keep me occupied. I can’t stop thinking about the holiday we were supposed to have. Just the two of us. I might even have brought up inviting his friends over, though I knew he would never go for it. But I wanted to suggest it anyway. I wanted to push him a little. I was hoping to show him life doesn’t have to be dark. That there are people who care.

What a waste of time. How stupid could I be?

“It smells incredible in here.” At the sound of Dad‘s voice echoing in the hallway, I fix my face so he won’t pick up on my sadness. How long am I going to have to put on an act? Through the holiday, at least. I can’t ruin this for him.

He finds me cleaning up and his eyes go wide. “Well. Look at you.”

“What, do you expect me to sit around and not do anything?”

“I’m not used to seeing you looking sodomestic.” He nods his approval. “It looks good on you.”

Yes. I’ll make a wonderful wife to some man he’ll eventually set me up with. I need to get rid of this bitterness. It’s eating me away inside. Why couldn’t he have asked what I wanted? And it’s not like I could’ve stomped my feet and thrown a fit at the house – not in front of Romero. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of witnessing me being shut down again, the way I have been so many times.

“Everything is just about ready.” Sheryl looks and sounds exhausted but proud. “We’ll have everything on the table in a few minutes.“ She already has serving dishes set out, some of which she’s filled and covered with foil. “If you could let the men know, I would appreciate it.”

“I’ll have Nathan do it.” He steps into the hall and whistles sharply. I have to grit my teeth against even more bitterness. He whistles, and everybody falls in line.

This is a problem. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to continue living here like this before I go on a killing spree. This is more than feeling bitchy and bratty – even I can admit I was a brat for a long time, pushing the envelope, seeing how far I could get before somebody reeled me back in.

But now, there’s more to it. This time, there was something I really wanted. I thought I saw a life for myself. And he took it away without asking what I wanted. He put me on the spot, and considering how much he hates when people do that to him, you would think he’d be a little more aware.

And yet, somehow, my best friend fell in love with him. Right now, in this dark mood, I don’t see it. I can’t imagine it.

By the time we gather around the dining room table while the guards eat in the kitchen, my face hurts from faking a smile this long. They’re all laughing and enjoying themselves in there – I sort of wish I was with them, honestly. They sound like they’re having a good time.

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you here.” Dad kisses my temple before continuing down the table to take his place at the head. “Something’s been missing all this time.” I notice how his gaze cuts to Romero’s empty chair across from mine. Something is still missing… for both of us.

The pity in Bianca’s eyes doesn’t help. I hate being pitied more than just about anything else. It’s part of the reason I didn’t tell anybody about Kristoff until I melted down. “I’m glad to be here.” That’s the most I can manage to choke out. I really wish it was true.

The table is beautiful. Candles flicker and make the China glow. The fragrance of roses in the centerpiece mixes with the aroma of turkey and all the other dishes in front of us.

“We better get started since I’m sure at least one of us is starving.” Dad winks at me before gazing across the table at Bianca.

“I guess it’s because I’m growing your child,” she points out with a loving smile that twists my heart until I’m surprised it can still beat.

“Then let’s–” Something catches Dad’s attention and cuts him off. Suddenly, he’s beaming, staring at the doorway behind me. Even his voice sounds different when he says, “Look who it is.”

I don’t need to look. I can feel him. The hair on the back of my neck stands up and now the heart that was barely beating races out of control. Bianca shoots me a face that could be either fear, dread, or excitement. Maybe all three at once.

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