Page 151 of Knot That Serious

30. Finally

Eli

Eli’s chest tightened at his words as she saw the hesitation in his expression. She felt the gentleness of his touch, and she jolted. It was like she’d been slammed back into her body, the fog lifted, the rose-colored glasses broken.

What had she done?

She’d slept with Jack! Again! Outside of a heat!

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.

This was it. Jack was going to tell her he just wanted to be friends. And Eli was—

She slapped a hand over his mouth just as he went to speak. “I can’t,” she said softly, heart cracking in half. “I can’t keep doing this.”

His brows furrowed, eyes widening.

Eli cursed herself, wishing she wasn’t trapped on his knot, that they weren’t about to have this conversation with no escape. Threads of pleasure still tugged at her, making her squeeze around him, and her face had to be flaming because of it.

“Doing what?” he asked, muffled behind her hand.

“Pretending,” she said, wetting her suddenly dry lips. “I don’t wanna keep pretending that this is some casual thing.” Her eyes stung, tears welling, and she averted them to Jack’s shoulder. “I don’t wanna keep pretending that my heat didn’t change anything. That we’re just fucking friends, Jack.”

Because now, locked together like they were, it had never been more apparent that things were different. There was no going back; there was no use pretending.

Not when it felt like this, too big in her chest.

Eli’s gaze finally snapped to his. “I’m so stupidly in love with you,” she admitted, squeezing out a tear and shaking her head. “You’re the most infuriating alpha I’ve ever met, but you mean so much to me. And I am so scared it’s going to ruin everything—” Eli paused, dropping her hand from his lips to push away and glance between their bodies, knowing she couldn’t see anything but unable to resist the pointless action anyway. She could’ve sworn she’d felt…

“Did you just… twitch?” Eli looked up at him, while Jack’s face turned beet-red. “While I’m crying?!” Eli shouted, wiping at her tears.

“No, no, no,” Jack cooed, and shook his head away from her hand. “Not because you’re crying! Because—” he groaned, and tilted his head back to the couch.

Eli crossed her arms, retaining what little dignity she had while knotted in Jack’s lap, naked and glaring and chest aching.

His head snapped up from the couch so fast she startled, and she barely had time to recognize the sheen in his eyes before he blurted, “Because I’m in love with you, too!”

Eli stilled, eyes wide as she stared at him. Her own heart skipped a beat. “What?”

“I am,” he said, quieter. “I’ve been pretending, too. And it sucks.”

His hands ghosted up her sides, cupping her face. Being the focus of his attention, solid and warm, it was something like sunlight. “I’ve been fighting it so hard because… because I was so afraid you didn’t feel the same way. I was afraid that what we had only existed for you in the heat.” His gaze drifted to her throat, hesitation flashing in his eyes. Eli still couldn’t breathe. Was she going to pass out? “And then you met Raj, and things seemed to be getting pretty serious, and I thought maybe I’d missed my chance.” He chuckled, though the sound was far from humorous. “Imagine all these years together, and I miss the one shot—”

“You love me?” she echoed.

Jack’s hazel eyes were electric as he snapped his gaze up to hers. “Yes, I fucking love you.”

“But you said…” She trailed off, and smacked him on the shoulder with a huff. “Why did you tell Beckett you didn’t want anything to change? That you wanted to stay friends?”

“Ow!” he complained, rubbing his shoulder. Then his voice got quiet as he said, “Because I was panicking. I knew it was gonna be different, but I was afraid it was gonna go south, and I would rather—I would rather be your friend than nothing at all.”

Her heart seemed to seize at just the thought.

“You’re in love with me?” she clarified, circling her arms around his neck, pressing their chests together, staring down at him from her higher vantage point.

“I’m in love with you,” he said softly.

Eli’s eyes burned again, and she blinked away the blur. “That’s really good,” she said with a nod, voice shaky. “’Cause I guess you’re alright.”

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