Page 91 of The Silence Lies

I’m still caught up in Matteo’s discussion about sharing.

What are the dynamics?

How the hell do you not get in your head about competing against another guy?

There’s a knock at the door before I get the chance to think more on it. Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I head to the door and check the camera.

It’s Sera.

Without hesitation, I open the door, coming face to face with the last person I expected to see tonight.

“What are you doing here?” I frown.

“You didn’t stay for a debrief,” Sera answers abruptly, stepping past me to enter the apartment.

Closing the door, I turn to watch her examining my place. She’s only been here a few times. Nothing has changed, but I expect she’s hoping something has so it can distract her from whatever she came here to say. Because it sure as shit isn’t going to be about the weather.

“Did anyone?” I quiz because I’m pretty sure everyone just wanted to call it a night. We’ve been climbing, fighting and shooting for the better part of a couple of hours, we need to rest.

“We need to talk,” she states.

“Sera, I—“

“I need to talk,” she corrects herself, approaching me with determined steps. “And you’re going to listen.” She grabs me by my shoulders, dragging me toward the couch and pushing me backwards.

Before I know what’s happening, she’s straddling me. I don’t have time to remain angry or stick to my guns about keeping away from her, because my dick is getting harder by the second underneath my towel.

Sera ignores it, though, instead opting to rest her hands on my shoulders and look me dead in the eyes.

“I don’t like the silence. I don’t like that we aren’t talking. And I don’t like us like this. You’re my second in command, and I miss you.”

Looking at her and listening to her words, I see the war she has been battling inside for the last few days. I’ve been so hard on her about the fact she was open with me that I never gave her the chance to fully explain, or try to understand why she wants both of us.

“I want you by my side again, the old Levi that brightened up a room with his smile.” Sera cups my cheek, her warm palm soothing the sharp side of receding anger. “I know why you’re angry and hurt, and I’m so sorry that I did that to you.”

She’s right. I am angry. I am hurt. But the biggest emotion that cuts deeper than anything else is fear. “What does he have that I don’t?”

Sera’s brows furrow with confusion, sadness framing her eyes. “Nothing. It’s not about fulfilling what the other can’t. You’re both you, and that’s what I like. You both make me happy, and I care about both of you equally.”

“Then why do I feel like I’ll be competing against him?”

She tilts her head, her other hand running through my hair. “Is that how you feel? Like I’m going to be tallying up who’s better than the other?”

I nod. Since we’re speaking freely and honestly without the labels of who we are to each other, it seems only right that I lay out how I feel, too.

Sera presses her forehead to mine and for the first time since this whole situation rose to the surface, I feel at peace. The slice of proximity she has forced between us seems to buff away the edges of my jealousy and torment.

“I already told you,” she whispers. “There’s no competition. But if wanting this means I have to choose between you both…” she sighs heavily, closing her eyes and letting the words slip free and honestly from her lips. “Then we can go back to how it was before.”

I roll my eyes. The last thing I want is to go back to Luca treating Sera like she’s to blame for everything and me pining after a woman I can’t have.

“I can’t choose, Levi. I’ve already lost so much, I can’t lose you, too.”

“I don’t want to go back to how things were,” I rasp, running a hand over her thigh. “I just don’t know how this works. The logistics, the feelings.”

A small smile appears on Sera’s lips. I love that the slightest hint of a possibility seems to brighten her features. She relaxes against me, her chest pressing against mine. “I don’t know either. But I’m willing to find out. I need you by my side, though. I need both of you.”

Slowly, she lifts her head, her soft lips grazing mine. It’s a gesture that tells me she’s willing to make this work if I am. And I am, I think. I just don’t know how the hell I can put my jealousy aside, knowing she’s going to be fucking someone else. It’s not the societal norm. It’s not conventional in the slightest, but a part of me knows that this would make her happy, and fuck, do I want to make her happy.

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