Page 150 of The Silence Lies

“Stop it!” I cry out, my body shaking. “Stop it!”

“You’re defending him?” Luciano barks an angry laugh as blood pours over his hands. “He fucking sold you out. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself!”

“That’s… not…” Giovanni croaks out, but his words are cut off when Luciano drives the knife back into his stomach.

I scream and scream, but Luciano doesn’t stop. There’s too much blood, too much pain.

My vision blurs, and I succumb to the sinister darkness, greeting it like a long lost friend.

Luca

I’ve felt pain before. I’ve felt loss like no other; my mother, my father. I didn’t think anything could compare to that feeling. Not until five days ago.

My whole world came crashing down the moment I saw Sera’s abandoned SUV. I’ve tried to compartmentalize, tried to remain level-headed, but when someone you care about is taken from you, and you’re on borrowed time to find them, there’s really only one reaction.

I run my hands through my hair for the millionth time, watching the ripples in the pool as the rain falls. The raindrops bounce around me; on the patio, on the furniture, on my skin. It’s the first time in months that we’ve had any rain and it’s just another punch in the gut of how fucked up this situation is. Not even the weather can contain its sadness over what has happened.

We had no choice but to tell Sera’s father. Well, it was Levi that told him, and he’s been sporting a black eye ever since. It could have been worse, though. Don Bianchi had every right to end our lives for what we allowed to happen to his daughter. We were supposed to protect her. The only reason he’s holding back from killing us now is because we made a damn promise that we would get his daughter back, and I’ll gladly take the punishment if we can’t deliver on that promise. I know I’m not the only one blaming myself for what happened. We’re all harboring some form of guilt, wishing we were there or close enough to prevent this from happening.

It’s almost four in the morning, and sleep hasn’t come to me. I don’t care that I’m just in my sweatpants, drenched from the rain as I stare into the distance and try to coax some idea of where Sera could be. I’m past the point of tiredness, even though I feel like I’m running on fumes. Five days of constantly feeling like a loose screw tends to send you down a dark path.

I’ve been there once before, when my father died. I reasoned my guilt with my anger and pushed my blame onto Sera. I lost myself in liquor and women to cover that fact I was hurting. But now… now I don’t have anyone to blame but myself. Now, I can’t even contemplate disorientating myself because how can you when you already feel so desolate?

I’ve had to sit and listen to Raf drone on about GPS and VPNs. I don’t have a clue what he’s talking about, which only confirms just how far out of the loop I am.

The twins have searched all known places with the help of The Vultures, and they’ve returned with nothing. We’re all slowly breaking, and as each day passes, we’re growing more and more desperate.

We don’t know what Luciano has planned for Sera, and truthfully, I don’t even want to think about it. All I do know is that she isn’t dead. He would have made a show about it by now because once a leader dies, the Elders request an emergency meeting with all the families to nominate a replacement. That hasn’t happened yet, and it’s the only silver lining I’m clinging onto.

“Luca,” Levi’s voice calls out through the torrential rain, just as broken and lost as I am.

I don’t look back though, I just focus on cascading water dousing the already full pool.

His arms wrap around my neck, pulling my soaked back against his chest, his legs framing either side of mine. “You need to get some sleep,” he whispers sweetly.

That’s the thing about Levi. I thought I was the stronger one of us, but it seems my doubts and insecurities run deeper when I’m around him. I chalk it up to the strange dynamic we’ve been thrown into, but I know it’s much more than that. I’m afraid; afraid of losing him as well.

“I can’t,” I grunt back. “I can’t sleep knowing she’s out there, hurting.” I swallow past the lump in my throat. I’m grateful for the rain that falls, blending with the hot tears rolling down my cheeks. I’m also grateful that my back is facing Levi, so he can’t see how broken I am.

Levi has already seen me cry. But knowing it hurts him just as much as Sera’s disappearance does, means I try to conceal it to avoid the guilt suffocating me.

“We’re going to get her back,” he replies with conviction, holding me tighter. The warmth of his skin soothes the chill from the rain, but it doesn’t warm the death-like grip on my chest. “But you need to rest. And when she’s back, we can get our revenge.”

“This goes way past revenge now,” I murmur. “I’m going to tear the Verdis apart. I’m going to make them regret ever touching her in the first place. This isn’t just for my father, but for her, too.”

Levi grips my chin, tilting my face sideways as he leans over my shoulder. “And I’ll be there with you, holding them down.” He presses a soft, rain drenched kiss to my lips. “But we can’t hurt people while we’re hurting. We can’t save Sera if we don’t rest.”

I hate that Levi is right. We’re no good to anyone exhausted and fragile, but sleep isn’t my friend at the moment. And the pain digging deeper in my chest at the absence of our leader keeps me wide awake.

Pressing my forehead to his, I revel in his touch. We’ve been so distant this past week, and I know it hasn’t helped matters. I’ve pushed him away, but like a goddamn boomerang, the idiot just keeps coming back. It should bother me that he won’t leave me alone, but the truth is I’m glad. I don’t want to think about losing him, too, and that only cements those thoughts eating away at me. The thoughts I try to ignore, but they only shout louder. My feelings for Sera are in equal measure to the way I feel about Levi. I’m falling for the asshole and there isn’t a single thing I can do about it.

“Why do you have to make sense?” I whisper, smiling weakly.

“Because one of us has to,” he shrugs. “I know you’re lost, I am too. But I need you, Luca. I need you by my side because I can’t lead this crew to Sera without you.”

My stomach twists into knots, realizing how selfish I have been. I’ve burdened myself with my own guilt, while everyone else has been pushing through to find our leader. I’m not the only one hurting, but I’ve done fuck all to help the situation.

Shame pulls at the knots, sadness threading its way through. “I’m sorry.”

---