Page 119 of The Silence Lies

I half expect him to cast this shit aside and say it shouldn’t have happened, but like me, he seems just as torn about it as I am. Let’s face it, shit like this doesn’t happen if there isn’t some attraction, but Levi is Levi, and we don’t see eye to eye on most things.

“It’s okay,” I answer. “I’m just as fucked up about it as you are.” A laugh bubbles out of me. I just can’t help it. It’s fucking ridiculous that, out of all the people in this fucked up world, my attraction reaches to not only to Sera but Levi too, now.

“Cazzo,” he groans, carding through his dark hair with his fingers. “I don’t like guys!”

“Neith—“ my words are cut off when Levi wraps his hand around the back of my neck and tugs me to his lips. With bruising pressure, he parts my lips with his tongue, pushing in with wild abandon. It’s rushed and hot, filthy in the best kind of way.

My heart thunders in my chest as I give into the sensation, knowing Levi was the one to start it this time and I don’t seem to mind one bit because…I don’t like guys, but I like Levi.

Giovanni

“Please, Papa,” Gabriella cries. “Please don’t go!”

“I have to, Angioletto.” My voice is gravelly, aching from the effort to control my anger and guilt. I hate doing this to her, I hate leaving her. All it does is create another barrier between us.

“I don’t want you to go again,” Gabriella whimpers, clutching my shirt. Her big green eyes are glassy with unshed tears, melting me, coaxing guilt to burn in my chest.

“It won’t be forever, prometerre.” I go to wrap my arms around her but she pushes me away.

Her face is red and blotchy, her golden skin tainted by her frustration and tears.

It’s like this every time I have to say goodbye to her. I don’t want to. No part of me enjoys the last few hours with her because I know how much it’s hurting her, hurting me.

“It’s not fair!”

“I know, Gabriella.” My eyes drop to the floor. There’s nothing else I can say. I’ve always been honest with her, and while she’s still young and innocent, she’s not stupid. She’s smart enough to know that this is our life now. She understands more than most kids her age do. Gabriella is a child that was thrust into a life of uncertainty as soon as she was born.

“Tell them no.”

If only it were that simple. But I can’t provide the life she deserves if I don’t do this. It’s all I’ve ever known. From a young age I played a part in this life, protecting those that couldn’t do it themselves, or didn’t trust their inner circle. Employing the likes of me, searched out for this sole purpose, creates a level of integrity and trust. I’ve built up a reputation over the last ten years to the point that people come to me and not the other way around. The only problem is that this job takes me further away from my daughter, further away from San Antonio.

“I can’t, Angioletta.”

Gabriella hangs her head, her bottom lip thrust out in a pout. I wish I could tell her that better things are coming. But the truth is, nothing in this life is certain. Every day I pour my energy into creating a better life for her. For us. Every day, I wonder if what I’m doing is even the right thing anymore.

Her mother would be chastising me, telling me ‘this has to be the last time’. But we both know it won’t be.

“Please, Gabby, it won’t be forever.” I tug her close to my chest, and she lets me, her tiny body curling into mine. She’s looking more and more like her mother every day now. Her big green eyes and curly brown hair are reminiscent of the woman we both lost, the woman who made my life complete and empty all in the same breath. Even after all these years, Gabriella still reminds me of the woman she’ll never get to meet. Sadness tears through my chest, another level of guilt I’ll never be able to rid myself of.

“You say that every time,” she sniffles into my chest. I can sense the anger bubbling under the surface. Just like her mother, Gabriella has a short fuse and no-nonsense attitude. It’s another reason how my being away affects her.

I kiss her head, taking one more inhale of her scent and relishing the similarities she holds with her mother.

“You’ll have lots of fun with your Tia, though, hmm?”

Gabriella pulls away from me, her sad eyes rounding with anger.

“When I’m back we can go to the fair.”

I look up at my sister, knowing her heart breaks just as much. It can't be easy looking after someone else’s daughter, but this is the life I’ve fallen into. When this opportunity came my way, it was too good to pass up. Working for the first female Mafia leader is something I’ve never been offered before—probably because it’s unheard of. I’ve only ever come close to the women of La Cosa Nostra when I’ve been protecting them as their leaders’ spouses. This is something entirely new.

I clutch Gabriella harder to my chest, soaking up this moment because I don’t know how long I’ll be gone this time. Usually, it’s a term set out by the employer. Six months at best. But I don’t know the duration of this one because the conditions weren’t set clearly. All I know is someone is trying to take out Serafina Bianchi, and my services are required.

I’ve second-guessed myself over and over about my decision, but I know this is the right thing. This job will set us up for life, and I know I shouldn’t be putting a time limit on how long I have left, but I want Gabriella to have the best life possible. With or without me.

By the time night falls, I find myself gazing at my daughter, wondering where she gained all this strength to accept this as her life. Just looking at her sleeping form has me rethinking my decision. She’s peaceful, barely a flicker of a dream fluttering her eyelids. Her long eyelashes fan out, reminding me so much of her mother.

It has been eight years, but I’ve never forgotten her. I remember every perfect intricate detail, and I have a photo for the times I start to forget; for when I need a reminder of why I’m doing this. I trail a finger over my daughter’s soft cheek, reminding myself this will be the last time. It has to be.

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