Page 61 of Merciless Sinner

We both sit.

"I’ll start by introducing myself properly. I'm actually from LA." He nods. "But I have this office here in New York. Virgo has asked for me to stay for as long as necessary to help you. My appointments tend to be held at this office, but I can come to your home if that’s where you feel most comfortable."

"Oh, that sounds good." I return his smile. "Virgo tells me you're the best and that you came highly recommended."

"That's good to hear, but I'm only the best if I can help you. I got your reports from the hospital you were in when you first woke up."

I wasn't aware that Virgo had gotten those, but it's no surprise he did.

"Why don't you tell me what's happened to you?” Dr. Belmont nods. “Notes can be one-sided sometimes. Hearing you talk and recount your side of the story will help me to get to know you better and come to grips with what you remember. Just tell me everything."

"Everything?" I clarify.

“You can tell me everything you feel is relevant to you. Whether it's related to the incident or not. Or if you think it’s relevant to your life since the incident.”

“Will you be reporting back to Virgo?” I assume he will be.

“Everything you tell me can stay here in this room. I will only share what you give me permission to share. That part is entirely up to you."

On hearing that, I feel a bit more at ease. "That’s good to know. I’m okay with you sharing details about my condition, but there are some personal things I prefer he didn’t know." Which are all the things to do with him.

Dr. Belmont nods his understanding. “That is absolutely fine.”

“Thank you.”

“Whenever you’re ready, we can start, and if it's okay, I'd like to record our sessions."

"Yes, that’s fine."

"Great." He takes out his notebook and a tape recorder from his drawer. "Ready when you are."

I think for a moment and decide to start at the very beginning of my memories, which was that horrible experience of waking up. I tell him about that, then everything else that happened after, my life for the last two and a half years, including the horrendous experience with Flavio and the cartel. I tell him about the debt, my decision to sign up to be an escort, and I finish with Virgo.

I'm surprised by what I share because a lot of that are probably things I shouldn't really speak about. But I guess I feel more comfortable talking to him because I know what I say can stay here.

Once I finish, he explains the therapies he wants to use with me.

We spend well over an hour talking, and at the end, I feel lighter inside. I realize I probably needed the session more than I thought.

"I think it's best we arrange an appointment for a week after your wedding," he suggests." But I'd like to schedule a phone appointment next week just to check in."

"That sounds great."

"I'd like you to get a journal to document all your memories, your dreams, and emotions. It sounds to me like those dreams you keep having, especially the recurring one, is your mind trying to open up. We need to pay attention to that."

A chill runs down my spine on hearing that. "Dr. Belmont, I feel like..." I pause for a moment and steady my mind. "I feel like I witnessed something really horrible, and I'm scared to think of what that something might be. I think it's going to break me when I remember it.IfI ever remember it."

"Try not to worry about that." The sympathy returns to his expression. "Many cases like yours involve horrific incidents where the mind blocks remembering what will essentially destroy you. But we will only go as fast or slow as your mind will allow. We won't push too hard, and we won't fall back. Try to remember that you have support around you; you’re not alone anymore. That’s really important. This is not something that you have to deal with by yourself.”

Hearing that helps, so I nod. “Thank you.”

“Do you have any more questions for me?”

“No.” I shake my head.

Talking to him definitely helped to relieve some of the tension that has lived inside my soul, and I feel a little stronger to attempt to get my memories back.

But I still feel like I'm walking on thin ice.

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