Page 87 of Scoreless Nights

“You never came back.”

“You told them everything was okay. It wasn’t okay for me, but if you were telling the truth, then I wanted to make sure it was okay for you.”

“I was lying again,” she sniffed, making me laugh a little.

“You have to stop that. No more lying. No more sparing anyone’s feelings but your own. Tell me you’re okay, and I will leave. I promise. But please don’t lie again.”

“I’m not okay.”

I wrapped my arms around her and she buried her face into my neck. My hand made soothing circles on her back as I rocked her back and forth trying to calm her down.

“I’m not either. My friends have had me on a watch list for two weeks.”

“Why didn’t you call me, or text me?” She pulled away to look into my eyes.

“Because,” I said slowly, making sure she understood. “I thought you were okay.”

She nodded a little, like it was finally sinking in, and then fell back into my chest. “I thought it was what everyone needed to hear.”

“What else, Lil? I want you to tell me everything you are feeling, not what you think anyone else wants to hear.”

She backed away and sat on the edge of the bed, glancing past me out the window. “I used to come in here and sleep after you left. It smelled like you, and seemed like an innocent enough guilty pleasure. I’d sneak back into my room before Mom and Ivan woke up, and they never even knew.”

I swallowed, thinking of how I had intended to sleep on her bed at my place before I found the sketch pad. “Did you ever find my secrets in here?”

She smiled up at me and shook her head. “Did you have secrets?”

I got on my knees in front of her and reached down under the bed, feeling around for a few seconds before finding the envelope I knew was still there. Pulling it from between the boards, I handed it to her, wanting her to be the one that opened it and looked inside.

“Oh my god,” she sighed, pulling out a few pictures I had taken but knew I had to delete from my phone.

“I know,” I laughed. “I was creepy, but I knew if my mom or dad saw them on my phone I would be grounded for life. So I had them printed and kept them hidden here.”

There were five pictures, and all of them were of her when she had no idea I was around. One of her on the couch with her feet up, one of her laughing at the park, one of her across the fire from me on our camping trip.

“I forgot I had that shirt,” she pointed to the one of her sitting in the grass in the front yard. Her t shirt read, “I’m a keeper.”

“I loved that shirt,” I laughed. “I used to pretend you wore it just for me.”

“Maybe I did,” she mused, not remembering. But the next picture she remembered, and her eyes started to leak again. “I was at my dad’s grave.”

“Dad had asked me to tail you just to keep an eye on you. Obviously I just thought he was being overprotective for no reason, but I didn’t mind following you. It was one of my last long trips here before I graduated.”

“I was sixteen,” she nodded. “And I was so pissed. I barely even remember my dad, but he invaded every aspect of my life. I had to live with his disease while he got to live in heaven. For a while, it didn’t seem fair.”

“I never got close enough to hear you, but I knew you were talking to him.”

“Yelling,” she corrected me. “I was yelling at him because he was the reason I didn’t get to go on the school trip. Mom wouldn’t let me go because she couldn’t chaperone, and I hated them both for it.”

I was still on my knees in front of her, so I spread her legs and wrapped my arms around her waist. “I wish I had known.”

“We would be different people if you had known,” she ran a hand through my hair. “And I quite like who we turned into, Cruz.”

Looking up, I crooked a smile at her and then kissed her lips gently. “Come home with me.”

“Not sure my heart can take it,” she joked.

“Myheart,” I reminded her. “It's always been mine. And I promise it's safe with me.”

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