Page 69 of Play Maker

“You outgrew it,” she said softly.

My lips twisted. “Yeah, that feels right. Then after I said yes, I was struggling to fit it all in. I didn’t want to admit I couldn’t handle it. I thought if I just pushed a little harder, nothing would drop.”

She finally crossed the distance between us, tracing my jaw and running her fingers over my stubble. “I could have helped.”

The urge to touch her became too much. I wrapped my hand around hers and kissed her fingertips. “What if you thought it was stupid? What if I lost my shot with you because I couldn’t be Adam and Mac at the same time?”

Blue gave me a scolding look. “I deserve more faith than that.”

“I know. Believe me, I know. Turns out, Icouldn’thandle everything. I don’t know how much Alex told you, but we finaled in the contest. The last step is a live performance in front of the judges. I fucked up the days though. The live performance is the same night as your mom’s party.”

She frowned, but she didn’t pull away as I’d feared. “Adam, that’s fantastic. I’m so proud of you.”

I used her hand to pull her closer, taking a chance by curling an arm around her waist. “I’m not going.”

Her jaw firmed. “Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not. Alex will go with a video of me performing. We’re last on the playlist, so he has plenty of time to try to schmooze the judges into letting us slide, or at least reschedule.”

Frustration flashed over her features. “Adam, you have to see how this competition is more important than a party.”

“It’s not about the party. It’s about showing up for you. It’s about Shad making you feel hunted, and not-Archer making you feel inferior, and your mom making you feel abandoned.” I patted my chest. “I want to make you feel loved. When everyone else is piling on, I want to be your safe place.”

Blue dropped her forehead to my chest, shaking her head slightly. “You are impossible. Does anyone tell you no?”

I smiled at the feel of her against me. “Well, you still haven’t agreed to marry me, so I don’talwaysget what I want. Words are easy. Actions speak the truth. I’m not going.”

She took a deep breath and nodded, lifting her head to meet my eyes. “I can’t make you listen, but I can decide for myself. I’m going alone. You are officially uninvited. What you choose to do with your sudden free evening is up to you.”

“Blue—”

“No,” she interrupted me. “You’re running yourself ragged trying to be everything for everyone. Stop. Take this one night for yourself. Actually, take every second between now and the performance. I don’t want to see you until then.”

My arm tightened around her, panic starting to churn in my stomach. “Ido notagree to this deal.”

“It’s not a deal, and you won’t get your way this time.” She rose to her toes and brushed my mouth with hers, walking me back toward the door with a hand on my chest. “Once you’ve kicked butt at the competition, we can celebrate any way you want.”

I cupped the back of her head, pulling her in for a real kiss. Blue sighed and tilted back, giving me the access I wanted. I breathed her in, the fresh green scent, and came back for more. The swirling, trembling emptiness sitting at the bottom of my ribcage insisted I take and take, like if I let her go, she’d disappear.

“I love you,” I murmured, hoping it was enough.

She grasped my wrist, pulling my hand from her hair and kissing my palm. “Tell me again on Sunday.”

Blue stepped back and closed the door between us, leaving me with no other option but to return to my Jeep. I tried to console Big Mac, but he pouted the whole way home.

* * *

Saturday dawned overcast and muggy.I didn’t see the actual dawn because I’d stayed up worrying half the night and spent the other half having increasingly erotic dreams about Blue. We hadn’t spent this long apart since the beginning of the summer, and I wasn’t a fan.

I missed her. She was trying to give me space to get my shit together, and I was using it to mope around thinking about her. She wasn’t even answering my texts, though I could see she’d read them. My saving grace was the temporary aspect of the situation. I could do anything in short bursts.

I’d spent two days waffling, pulling double workouts, and torturing Haskins. Alex didn’t call me to come over for the first time all summer, and I thought I saw Luis cross the street to avoid talking to me during one of my runs.

Unfortunately, the time apart made me question my plan, which was probably what she’d intended. I’d made massively bad decisions before, namely getting involved with Eva, and I didn’t want to lose Blue to my own arrogance.

I didn’t want to lose Blue.

The last few days had made it abundantly clear my life was better with her in it. I wanted her cheering for me in the stands and arguing with me over breakfasts and lying next to me every night. I’d marry her in a second if she’d let me.

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