Page 40 of I'm Sorry

“Like hell you are. You’re not leaving without me,” he snaps. Resentment burns in my gut.

“I’m leaving.” I stay firm in my stance. “On my own, and you’re not going to follow me. Do I make myself clear?” Benny’s brows raise. He’s taken aback. Understandable. I’ve never been one to let people walk all over me, especially Trace, but I’m usually pretty tame and easy to get along with—non-confrontational. I don’t bark orders or demand shit, ever. Hell, I rarely stand up for myself. But I’ve reached a limit tonight and Benny’s actions didn’t help the situation.

He must realize this because he drops his shoulders and his commanding air diminishes.

“Lennox, think about this. It’s in the middle of the night and we are a ways away from home out in the city where anyone could be lurking.” My frustration builds because I know he is right, but I’m so tired of looking over my shoulder and worrying about this shit. It’s incredibly unfair. I just want to be someone who has graduated highschool and is enjoying a celebration with her friends but I can’t.

There is never a way out of this for me. Unless I quit doing what I love. But I won’t let them take that from me. I’d be nothing without my bike, without racing. Without the rush it brings me, that helps ease everything else.Such suffocating thoughts.

A tiny crack interrupts my voice when I say, “I’m sorry, Benny. I need to go.” I toss the words over my shoulder as I start back for my bike.

“Okay. I’m right behind you.” I whip back around to face him and hold up my hand. The rejection on his face is instant and nearly kills me.

“No. You’re not. I need some space, and I’ll text you when I get home.” Benny’s eyes narrow and his lips thin as his jaw pulses with the stress of this entire situation. It’s not my intention to add to it, but I need to do something for myself for once instead of worrying about everyone else. I don’t care how much trouble I’ll be in when I get home. At least I’ll be there by curfew.

“Nox!” I don’t stop, and I don’t look back. “Please stay with me, babe, so I can keep an eye on you.Please.”

CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

BENNY

I don’t even giveher a head start.Bullshit, I’m going to let her leave by herself.She’s insane if she thinks I’m going to. But I’m in a car—an old car—and she’s on a motorcycle with two hundred horsepower, less than approximately one sixth of the weight of my car, and she’s a professional on that thing. Plus, she isn’t thinking clearly.

As I expect, she loses me. What the actual fuck is she thinking? She’s clearly not. I know she’s pissed with me and while I don’t fully grasp it, she’s allowed to be pissed. But she cannot play with her life like this.

Growling, I continue in the direction she would take to get home. At least she didn’t drink. My girl has been so stressed lately that she isn’t acting like herself and she isn’t making smart decisions.

The roads are quiet once I make it out of city limits, with most of the population crammed into high rises and dense apartment complexes that overlook the highway. It’s darker out here, with fields rolling out on either side for long stretches. Feeling the need to fill the void of these country roads, I turn my radio on. Just loud enough I can make out what they’re saying, but not loud enough that my thoughts drown out.

I need to figure out a way to help Lennox. The path she’s going down isn’t a good one, and I feel like I’m losing her, losing a part of my soul. Sure, I’m young, but I’ve found the love of my life and everything I need in her.

I can try going to her parents and let them know she isn’t herself, that she needs help, but that feels like an epic betrayal. If talking about the guards with her father wasn’t enough of a warning to not go there, I don’t know what is. However, she can’t handle it on her own. What she’s been doing isn’t working. She just needs a little help. Maybe I’ll reach out to my psych professor and see if she has any recommendations, any coworkers that can find us someone for her to talk to.

Yeah. That might help. At least it gives me a little hope that maybe we’ll get my girl feeling better and work toward putting the attack behind her.

Shit, I need to reel in my protectiveness, because that certainly isn’t helping. I’ve thought about asking her if she would like to take self-defense classes. I’d do them with her—maybe that’s not what she needs. Perhaps it would be better if I bought classes she could take with Junie and Lauren. They could make it a girls’ night, away from my suffocating ass.

A glowing ball of orange about a mile ahead pulls me from my thoughts. I take another few seconds of staring at it to realize it’s a ball of flames licking up into the night sky with smoke billowing.

I blink.

A sudden onslaught of dread fills me to the brim before pouring over my threshold and making my stomach curdle with vomit.

It’s just one of those things that I know. I know that flaming ball on the horizon has something to do with my girlfriend. I swallow back the doom that threatens to come up with the thought. Not now. Not now.Not now.

Nox needs me.

I punch the gas, pushing my Prelude to the max. Which isn’t very far because the car is older than me. I come skidding to a halt and yank up the emergency brake before I swing the door open. I don’t have the car in neutral and it stalls out.

Whatever. I have to get to her.

The hissing ball of flames sends a heat so intense my way that I cringe and toss my forearm over my face to shield the ferocity with which it attacks. I’m only a few feet away when I see the tiny license plate confirming that it is indeed my girl’s Suzuki GSX-R1000.

I stagger back, one hand coming to my chest because all the air wrenches from my lungs. I try for a full breath but fail. With every ounce of breath I have, I scream her name.

“LENNOX!” I wheeze and scrub my hand down my cheek. “NOX! Baby, please tell me you’re okay.” There’s so much smoke I can’t see around the accident. For all I know, she’s laying in the grass on the other side of the road. Depending on how she went down, she could be anywhere. Possibly even walking down the street to find help.

If she even survived the crash.No. No. I can’t go there.

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