Page 71 of The Jester and His Outlaw: Part 2

“You have to try to relax. You’re shaking, Outlaw,” Riggs says in a low, concerned tone. I curl into him instinctively. It’s funny how I already know he is my safe-haven when I don’t even have to think about it. “Relax…”

“Huh?” I breathe and as soon as the sound is out, I understand his worry. I sound like someone standing out in the frigid night air with nothing on but a baseball cap. It’s certainly alarming. “Oh shit, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for your fear, baby. There is no need for that. Is there anything I can do to help you through this?”

“I would love to go for a run. It’s like I have so much adrenaline running through my body, like it’s never going to go away. What if… God, what if Jonas plans on killing me, on killing you? What if what he is doing to my parents could land them in jail? What have they done?” I jerk upright, panic rising in my system. A weight sits on my chest, making it almost impossible to breathe. The thought of anything happening to anyone in my life is fucking unbearable. The‘what-ifs’are pouring through my brain at a frightening rate and I can’t seem to get any of them to slow down.

Ineedthem to slow down.

“Charley!” Riggs calls out. My eyes flick to him and that’s when I notice I’m up and pacing the room, pulling at the strands of my hair. “Please don’t pull your hair. That is for me to do in the bedroom.”

A mottled sob mixed with a laugh burst from me, and Riggs gives me a watery smile.

“There she is.” He joins me, invading my space slowly as if he is approaching a jungle cat, or the state I’m in, a wild boar. “Seriously though, don’t pull your hair. If you need tension, then take it out on me,notyour gorgeous hair. Okay?” I nod to let him know I hear him while not fully coherent to the world around me. I’m in a daze, my breaths scarce, my world tilting on its axis. “Breathe. Breathe. In through your nose, then out through your mouth. We can discuss all of your concerns when you are feeling better. Not now.”

“I—I can’t, Riggs. I can’t. I feel like… I feel like… like.” My frightened stare lands on him, frantic, unable to finish what I was about to say. He’s calm, relaxed, despite the whirlwind in my mind. The breath I was trying for slips from my lungs and I blink, focusing on him.

“Your body is having a response to all the stress you’re under. There is nothing happening to you. Trust in me. I’ve got you.”

I shake out my arms, wiggling my fingertips. I need this excess energy to leave my body. Another wave collides with my chest and I shoot from his hold, needing to move, to get it the fuck out. I lose track of my breathing, taking in as much air as I can because surely, in a minute, I’m going to die.

“Outlaw,” Riggs says sternly. “Breathe. Right. Now. You’re hyperventilating and that is only going to make you panic more.”

Panic. Panic.Right. This is a panic attack. I’m in my room with the man Ilove. Nothing is going to happen to me here. I need to breathe. If not for me, then for him.For him.

Back to him. I have to get my focus back on him, the room.

Warm hands cup my shoulders, long fingers embracing me in a gentle hold. Riggs dips his chin as he tries to find my eyes. When he does, when I make eye contact with him, he smiles again. I anchor myself through his touch, the spark that ignites in me anytime he is around, anytime Ithinkabout him.

“Hey,” I say on the exhale of the breath he guides me through. He chuckles.

“Hay is for horses. For me it’s ‘sup, stud’? And don’t forget the head nod. Got it?”

That makes me laugh. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Rude much?”

“It’s my job as your girlfriend to stop you from looking stupid. So, no, not rude.” Another wave of panic cuts through our silliness and my body twitches with the need for movement.

“Just breathe,girlfriend. It will pass.” I bob my head in response as I start another cycle of breaths. Riggs rubs his hands up and down my arms, then swipes up my neck, massages my scalp, and threads his fingers through my hair. My hand finds his cheek, our movements two souls searching for comfort in the only way that makes sense. I feed off that comfort, siphoning his strength. I’ve never worked through a panic attack this easily and have always ended up in the hospital to get something to help it go away. Riggs is my savior. “You’ve got this.”

My smile is weak and while I don’t believe him right now, I’m giving it my best.

“I wish you had your bike. I’d love to go for a ride right now.” He hums, sending the vibration through the spot where my hand rests on his cheek.

“I’d have to buy one for Chandler because he’d never be able to keep up in his Charger.”

“I bet he’d argue with you and tell you he could, but he’d also probably love it. Maybe we should do that. Do you think he knows how to ride one?” A sly smile creeps across his beautiful face.

“Of course he knows how to ride one. Did you ever notice how much he eyed mine before he even really knew me? Even when he hated the fact that you were on the back of it?” I lean my forehead against his chest as he fiddles with my hair, lacing his fingers into it until the ends slide through them to fall back on me.

“No, I never noticed. I was always looking at you.”

“Gross.” There goes that breath snatching chuckle again. “Why would you be looking at me?”

“Because you’re hot.” With that, he tosses his head back and wails with laughter.

“Thanks, Outlaw.”

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