Page 95 of The Jester and His Outlaw: Part 2

“I’m laying with the girl I love. I promised her yesterday I wouldn’t let her go, ever. Don’t make me break my promise.” With the need to fidget through my rising fear, I situate myself and fight the urge to run my fingers through her hair.

“You’re in the bed with me,” she notes and the arm that rests over my torso tightens as if she is afraid I’m going to slide away from her. I return the sentiment, cinching her in my arms.

“Fuck the rules,” I say adamantly. She lifts her head from my chest, offering me the cutest sleepy smile I’ve ever seen in my life. Her gaze is stuffed with adoration and love, and it makes my heart swell.

“Fuck the rules.” Content with her response, I file away the vision before me in case her heartache from last night comes back.

“That’s my girl. How are you feeling?” I ask and tidy her bedhead by sweeping a lock of her raven hair back behind her ear. She nuzzles into my touch.

“I’m okay. I wish I could say I’m better, but I can’t. It’s just a little easier to process right now.”

“Then let me carry the hard shit, Outlaw. You’re not alone.”

“Riggs.”

“No. Stop that mess right fucking now.” Desperation claws at me. I can’t handle the mixed signals. She chose me as the one that calmed her but still wants to push me away? Fuck that. I can’t do the back and forth. “This, between us, is because of your heart, your drive, your willingness to help people and care for people. Not because you play a badass game of hockey. Even if you never walk again, even if parts don’t work for you again, I’ll always be here. Now stop trying to push me away because it’s only going to make me fight harder.”

“You’re persistent. I’ll give you that.” A laughing breath huffs from my nose. Now she knows what it feels like to be on the receiving end of things. Narrowing her eyes at me, I can’t help but kiss her forehead. Hazel eyes fall shut, and my heart pounds. This girl…

“Yeah, well, I learned from the best. You see, I have this friend, Mandy, who couldn’t take a hint and even though we hated each other at first, she still made me love her, and I tell ya what, I love this girl. She was persistent, needy, whiny,so goddamn beautiful.”

“Needy and whiny? I wasn’t needy and whiny,” she gripes, sounding a little exasperated as she lifts her head.

“I didn’t say you. I said Mandy, and I’m exaggerating to get my point across.”

“What point?”

“My point is, no matter how hard you try to push me away, it won’t work. Not again, anyway. You’re the only one I want. The only one on this earth that makes me feel like tomorrow could be even better than today. Please don’t make me give that up. I know it’s selfish, and I don’t want you to feel the pressure of my happiness, but just know that I’m happy when I’m by your side. When I have you in my arms, I know I can be there for you in a way that I hope comes at least a little close to the way you’re there for me. I’ll never be as good as you, never be what you deserve, but I want you–us. I want this.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” My hope rises, but I try to keep it at bay. Who am I kidding? Anything less than a ‘yes’ or an ‘I love you’ will crush me. “I don’t shut you out, you don’t shut me out. Got it? You can push me away, scream and yell, give me everything you’ve got. Hell, you can beat me until your arms give out. You need to hear me, and I mean really hear me when I say this. I’mnot.Fucking. Going. Anywhere. Do you understand me?”

“Okay. I won’t push you away.” Breath catches in my lungs, choking me, relief almost immediate. “But I can tell you now, this isn’t going to be easy.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, thanking whatever gods are looking down on me today.

“Now I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I have this friend. She’s uh… she’s a great friend, actually. Ripped me a new asshole on many occasions. She’s a badass. Her name’s Mandy, you might know her.”

Outlaw giggles, slapping at my chest.

“Don’t interrupt me.” I chuckle when her right eye twitches. She hates it when I talk about Mandy, but this is just too good to pass up. “Anyway, Mandy is a force to be reckoned with. She has the biggest heart you can imagine, caring, compassionate, empathetic. But damn, she is as stubborn as they come, relentless in her pursuits and made sure I didn’t shut her out. I couldn’t pull the wool over her eyes. That girl… She saved me in so many ways, and if I didn’t plan on staying because I fucking love her, then I would at least have to stay to return the favor. At the very least, I owe her the same treatment she gave me. And Mandy?” I can’t help but smile as her grin grows. “Buckle up, baby, because she waspersistent.”

“Riggs, seriously, quit playing. This isn’t going to be easy. I don’t want you to rese—”

My voice is even, calm, when I cut her off and say, “I work hard every day, honey, and now that hard work means I get you. I’m good with that.”

“I love you, and I’m a little pissed that you waited until my accident to tell me you loved me too.”

“I know. That was pure bullshit, but I saw you in that bed and I had to tell you. I’ve felt it for a while, but I fear it. Love hasn’t been the easiest thing for me.”

“I get it, but do better next time.”

Our laughter surrounds us, and I revel in the comfort that is being with her. The future for us is going to be rough, just like there are many days that I still struggle. I’m going to have to be here to lift her up and remind her I’m not going anywhere, push her when she’s frustrated, hold her when she cries, and pick her up when she fails.

I kiss her like my life depends on it, as if she is the very air that I breathe, which she is. No doubt about that. Our start was not an easy one, but being with her is easy. Loving her is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. We’re in this together, every step of the way. Two dark souls bound together as one.

I’ll be her Jester, and she’ll be my Outlaw.

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