Page 92 of The Jester and His Outlaw: Part 2

I nod to him and take one last fill of her, soaking her in, and exit the room.

CHAPTER41

RIGGS

My feet dragme down the hall, begrudgingly, one step at a time, as my heart beats for the girl back in that room who is sobbing into her brother’s arms. I’ve fought so hard to be the one by her side, to let her know that I’m not going anywhere, but I can’t get myself to be the one to hurt her further. I’m sure if I turn back, I’ll see a trail of bloody pieces of my heart that Outlaw ripped from my chest, and I splattered over the tiled floor to be stepped on, because that’s what leaving her feels like.

The only way I can ever put it back together is if she accepts she is the one for me, until then, it will remain mangled, broken, destroyed, held together by tethers that are barely there, enough to keep it beating but not alive.

I’ll hurt myself before I ever hurt her again.

Fuck, this is painful.

I’m near the elevators, waiting for one to arrive, when I finally give in and lean against the wall. I slide down it, covering my face with my hands. Security is rushing all around, trying to locate the shooter and put all measures in place. The noise is loud, the sounds of their feet likely overwhelming, but I don’t hear shit.

All I hear is the pounding of my heart as it works to correct the damage done. Damage that will never leave.

I shouldn’t be leaving. Hell, I’m probably not allowed to and won’t make it out the front door downstairs because they’ll have everything blocked off until they can assess the situation, but I need to get away from here.

I’ve never felt something so final in my life.

“Riggs!” Jensen calls and drops in front of me. “What the fuck happened? Were you hit? Are you alright?” He’s breathless and panting, blood covering his white t-shirt. Blonde curls are sticking out in all directions. Frantically, he searches me.

My eyes are blank when I look up at him because I have to put my carefully constructed walls back in place if I’m going to survive this. Walls that she broke down, chipped away little by little, and wormed her way behind.

“Bullets didn’t hit me.”

“Why are you out here?”

“Because I’m going home.” My empty home on the first floor, handicapped accessible with ramps and everything she could need to make the girl that doesn’t want me comfortable. I’m going to lick my wounds in peace.

“The fuck you are. She needs you and you have to give your statement.”

“Tell them I wasn’t even here,” I mumble.

He chuckles and I could punch him. “That will not work and you know it.”

“I’m not in the fucking mood,” I growl and move to push myself up off the floor. Normally I would entertain him, but not today. I’ve grown tired of this fight.

“I don’t give a shit if you are or not. I’m not letting you give up on her.”

“I’m not giving up on her. I’m giving her what she wants. There’s a difference.”

“This isn’t what she wants. She’s going through some shit,” he argues.

“You clearly didn’t see the look in her eyes. She’s done, J, and there isn’t shit I can do about it,” I reply.

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

Frustrated, I slam my head back against the wall. “Please, J. I know you’re trying to help and I fucking love you for it, but I can’t do this today.” Something in my voice must tip him off to how little I am interested in bantering right now because his expression softens.

“Fight for her. Please, Riggs. You have to fight for her. You can’t go backward.” The desperation and worry that rolls off of him is almost palpable. He’s afraid that I’m going to go back to the person I was before Outlaw invaded my life.

It’s tempting, but I promised I wouldn’t hurt her or him. I keep my promises. At least the ones I can control.

I wonder how many times he’s had this conversation with our friends, with Outlaw, with himself.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going backward. I’ll be fine… eventually.” He sighs, placing his hand on my shoulder, and I watch as his tough love facade shifts to one of understanding and acceptance. “I need to get out of here.”

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