Page 37 of The Jester and His Outlaw: Part 2

“Who is your company?” His sigh is heavy with hesitance and annoyance. I almost want to stop him because I’m not sure I want to know. The mood surrounding this day has been so great. I’d hate to ruin it, but I can’t help it. He clearly doesn’t want to tell me.

“Sometimes it’s Jensen, sometimes it’s Sam.” He doesn’t wait for my response and turns back to the rock he’s been defacing.

Sam.I haven’t heard her name for so long or even thought about her with everything else going on. I’m not sure what I assumed, but I had forgotten that he is friends with her. We’ve never talked about her or what happened, not since that day in the hallway. He might still harbor some negative feelings for me over it. The subject of Sam and what happened may always be something that lingers between us.

Jesus, I hope not. As painful as it is right now to think about, I feel she’s something we need to discuss.

“Sam paints?” I ask, hoping to open up the conversation. He stiffens, but collects himself and allows his hand to move freely.

“She’d never admit it, but she puts me to shame.”

“Well, that’s a matter of opinion. I don’t see how many could be better than you. Your work is brilliant, Jester.” Tense silence surrounds us and I regret bringing it up. I’m watching the image come to life, my chest tightening with unease the longer he lets me sit here without speaking. Finding it harder and harder to sit here and watch him without acknowledging Sam any longer, I slide off the log and lean against a tree.

I’m not sure how I want it to be handled. Sam is a sore subject for me. I just want to know if he is still upset with me over Sam or at least if he is, is it something we can move past? Are we past it?

“I will continue to be friends with her,” Riggs mutters.

I cross my arms over my chest defensively with his challenge. Was it a challenge? Is he opening this up as an argument? I have no right to ask him not to see her. They are friends and she has done absolutely nothing wrong. The way she has treated me, or not treated me, is something I fully expect from someone. Do I want her to forgive me and for us to talk? Yes. I want to apologize to her in person, but I understand why she won’t.

However, now, it might be something that needs to happen. Our tie to Riggs has us bound to cross paths.

“Okay. I would never ask you not to be. You know that, right?” Fuck, I hope he does. If he doesn’t, then we aren’t where I think we are. His eyes flick to mine, alarmed.

“Of course,” he says, setting the spray paint can down and dusting his hands off. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to imply anything. You would never tell me I couldn’t be. I’m just not sure how to handle this with her, and it’s something I’ve thought about, felt guilty for having feelings for you to begin with. What happened is behind us and while I’m upset that it happened and sometimes it still hurts to know it was you”—he tilts my head up to face him by placing his thumb beneath my chin—“I also know you’re not that person.”

“Are we going to cross paths?” Nerves make my voice waver and Riggs immediately takes me in his arms. Damn it. I have no reason to feel this way. I am the one that ruined her life.

“I don’t know. She doesn’t want to see you. I know that much.” I flinch at his honesty and he grimaces. “But I also can’t be friends with someone when I feel like I’m hiding them from my girl. It doesn’t—” I shake my head, pulling back from his embrace. He tries not to let me go, but I place my hand on his biceps and force myself back.

This is a tricky situation and I’m not sure how the hell to handle it. I don’t want him to see her when she doesn’t want me around, someone who dislikes me and who he is close to. That calls to my jealous side, but I also can’t expect him to disown a friend. I’m not sure just how close they are, but the way he defended her, she means something to him. I hate the warring emotions in me. This wasn’t something I should’ve brought up and ruined this day.

“Stop, Riggs. If she doesn’t want me around, that’s fine.”

“No, it’s not—”

I cut him off, getting desperate to change the subject, but I won’t. “I won’t ask you to choose. She’s your friend.”

He sighs, running his fingers through his hair, seemingly just as frustrated with the situation as I am. Then he steps back into my space and laces his arms around me.

“And you’re my girl. The one I want to be with. If I have to give up—”

Not wanting him to finish that statement, I press my finger to his lips. I’ve already done so much to Sam. I don’t want to take a friend from her, even if the situation is a little odd and I don’t want him around her. “Stop.”

“She approves of us,” he says with a half smile and licks my finger so I pull it away. That wasn’t at all what I expected him to say, and I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. Like somehow I’m a mean girl and seduced her friend to get to her again.Stupid.It’s silly, I know, but I can’t help it, that's where my mind went.

“What?”

“Jensen mentioned something about us, so she brought it up. She’s okay with us being together. She called it from the beginning that it wasn’t who you truly were. That they manipulated you,” he explains, dipping his chin to meet my eyes when I drop my gaze to the ground.

Manipulated.That sounds like a sweet excuse for how I acted, how disgusting I was. Maybe I was and with the way Jonas has been acting, it’s possible, but he never forced me to say those things to her. I did that all on my own. Those words came out of my mouth and my mouth only.

“I did it, Riggs. There is no hiding behind Jonas. Those choices were mine. I made them.” He kisses the tip of my nose, forcing me to look at him again. His grip on me tightens, and he pulls me in. This situation feels far from resolved, and I’m not sure it ever will be.

“Let’s not get into that. I just wanted you to know that she is okay with us.”

“I just wish she would let me apologize in person, so we can move on and your relationship doesn’t have to be strained, so you don’t have to keep us separate. I know it won’t take away what I did, and we likely will never be friends, but…”

“Maybe one day. We’ll figure it out, Outlaw, don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. Are you?” I shake my head, fighting off the wave of tears that are threatening to race down my cheeks. Riggs wipes my eyes. “You okay?”

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