Page 2 of The Jester and His Outlaw: Part 2

“Riggs…” He pauses for a millisecond and my hope rises, but then his boots move, and I watch him exit the cafeteria, silent as always.

The restof my day sucks. My classes drone on and on and when I get to creative writing, he isn’t there. The ache in my chest grows by the minute. I hope he is at least keeping up with his work outside of school. He’s a damn scholarship student. If he loses that, what will he do? Yeah, yeah, that’s not my issue to worry about, but it is, and I will. Right now, he’s making mistakes because he’s in pain. He needs help, and now that I know his past, that we never really got to discuss, I don’t want him to be by himself.

His past is so fucked up. I can see why he thinks he needs to save me from himself. Not like I can understand what goes through his mind, but I get it. What I need is him, and I’d like to believe he needs me too. He just doesn’t know it yet.

At the end of class, I get the bright idea of asking Professor Jones about him. I tell her I’m collecting his work for him and wasn’t sure if he has gotten the assignments from her yet.

In reality, I’m hoping he hasn’t, so I have a reason for a visit.

However she tells me that he already has the assignments—plan failed.

If I’m being honest, it will piss him off if I butt in like that. Hell, dealing with him pissed off at me would be fine. At least it’s some sort of attention.

Dear sweet baby Jesus. This is what I’ve come to?A dog… a lonely little dog that has to do anything to earn attention, regardless if that attention is good or bad.Pathetic.

I have to find a way to be there for him and myself without obsessing over him like this. It isn’t healthy.

I’m sitting in my room, obsess—studying—when my mother knocks on the door.

“Yeah?” I croak out, my voice rough from not using it and the lump that seems to stay in my throat constantly these days.

“Hi, my little girl.” My mother peeks her head in. Normally, her intrusion would annoy me, but now I need my mom.

“Hey, Mom. What’s up?” While she could open the door all the way, she slips through the crack and shuts it quietly behind her like she’s on some covert mission. I know what she’s attempting. Since my father started his shady business deals and I found out about them, they’ve been acting like this. Like they’re walking on eggshells around me. They’ve done that to a degree since they adopted us, and it’s only gotten worse. I’m convinced they’re afraid of disappointing me. Sure, I’m disheartened, but I also understand why my father has done those things. He wants to do more for the earth, but unfortunately, he can’t do that without the almighty dollar. What’s a few dirty deeds for the greater good going to hurt?

“Do you have a lot of homework?” she asks, curious and a bit unsure.

“No, not really. I did most of it during the day.”

“You’re such an excellent student, my love.” The smile on her dainty face becomes warm, motherly, and full of love, as if she is anticipating a different response and is now relieved.

I stretch my arms up over my head, then lean my back out, bending forward. My position on my bed has made me stiff and my hips are a little upset with me. Stretching my body after practices and games is something I’ve let fall to the wayside. Mom makes her way to rest her bottom on my bed with me.

“I have to be a good student, Mom. I wouldn’t want it any other way.” She reaches out and scoops a thick strand of my hair behind my ear. I can tell she wants to ask me what has been going on for the past few weeks. It’s been on the tip of her tongue for a while, but she isn’t saying anything for some reason. She probably thinks it has to do with Jonas, and well, we haven’t seen eye to eye on that front, so she is avoiding that conversation.

“Daddy’s gone. Kai is out doing whatever Kai does, working at the gym or something... I was wondering if you’d like to go see a movie with me, then we could get some dinner? I miss you and want to spend some time with you. How does that sound?” Her look is so hopeful it makes guilt ping in my chest. I’ve neglected my mother lately, and it isn’t fair. Sure, she’s made some mistakes on my ex’s front, but we can overlook those because I simply need the mom that has been overbearing, not this weird, meek version.

“I’d love to, Mom.” She practically bounces where she sits, her grin spreading wide across her classically beautiful face, and I can’t help but share her enthusiasm. It’s infectious. I need enthusiasm, even if it is just dinner and a movie.

“Get ready, do your hair, put a little makeup on and a nice pair of heels. I’m taking my girl out to dinner and a movie. We’re gonna get some popcorn, some dessert, then we can go shopping if you’re feeling up to it.” She stands, resting her hand on the rail of my bed as she rambles on about all of her plans. She’s pushing her limits by sneaking on a shopping trip, but she sweetened the deal with dessert and popcorn, so I’m not complaining too much. Still… shopping?Ugh.

The afternoon is more than nice. We watch a sappy chick flick, have a five star dinner with a giant piece of devil’s food cake that has thick syrup of the chocolate variety oozing from its inside with vanilla ice cream. Then, we shop for hours, laughing and misbehaving.

I buy some things for myself, Mom, Foxy, and Kai. I spend some of my money and plenty of Mom’s because if I even think about looking at something, then she puts it in our basket. There are things I want to buy Riggs, and I can’t lie, I do, but I buy them with my money because Riggs would never want me to pay for them, let alone her.

He’d never know either way, but the guilt would eat away at me because I understand exactly where he is coming from.

Mom is still not ready for our time together to end when we get back home. “We can snuggle on the couch and watch another movie, if you want. Invite Ashley. I’ll fire up the latte machine. We can caffeinate ourselves and have a movie marathon in our new jammies.” It’s been such a great afternoon and evening, an enormous distraction that I desperately needed so I’m not turning down that offer. Mom makes the best lattes. I feel like a little kid again when we used to do this with Foxy and Mama T on the weekends.

It makes me miss them, so I take her up on that idea and text Foxy to get her ass over here. She’s going to hitch a ride with Kai because they are together. I told her we did not invite him to the party, just her, and she laughed and said that was fine, but she would sneak into his room at some point.

I won’t argue with that. If I could sneak into Riggs’ room, I sure as hell would.

If we never see eye to eye again… If I give up on him… My stomach gurgles at the thought. Will I ever be able to go a day without him crossing my mind? Time heals all wounds, right? Then why the hell does this one feel like it’s going to stick with me forever?

Keeping my mind off Riggs, I stuff the things I bought him, a few shirts I think would look fantastic on him and a couple hats that he’s probably going to hate because they are expensive as fuck, into the bag and lock them in the downstairs bathroom. I can’t think about him now.One day…I have hope that one day I will give them to him.

He needs time to heal, and I have to give that to him. My brain can’t wrap itself around that concept yet, but my heart is dead set on the idea.Fucking heart. Who thought those things would be a good idea?

---