Page 82 of The Jester and His Outlaw: Part One

“No, I don’t want to go home, Riggs. I want you to talk to me.”

I whip around to her, trying to cap my anger. It’s not her fault. But it also is. If she didn’t push so hard, follow me around, and keep showing up, I wouldn’t be like this. I wouldn’t have put my hands on her. She reaches out to touch me, but I jerk my head away. Tears instantly spring to her eyes, adding layers to my torment.

“There’s nothing to talk about. We’re done, Charley. This can’t continue on.” I don’t want to say it. I don’t want it to be true. No, I want to take her to my room right now, lie down next to her, and hold her in my arms. I never want to let her leave, and that’s the worst part. Sending her home—ending things—protects both of us.

She isn’t letting her tears go like I expect—like I’m preparing myself for. She barrels past me instead. I’ve never had her in my room, but she forces the door open, searches the wall, and flicks the light switch on. A gasp escapes her, which is no surprise. My room can be shocking to some.

Gramma’s trinkets fill the apartment, and there isn’t an ounce of me anywhere. But my room is where I express myself.

Neon-colored graffiti covers every inch of the walls. Pieces of my artwork. We’re not supposed to alter the appearance of the apartment, but I don’t give a shit. Before I leave, I’ll paint it back and they’ll be none the wiser. It’s not like I’m trying to sneak an animal in under their noses. It’s only paint.

She doesn’t let her interest in the walls stop her. Seeking the bed, she makes her way to it, slips out of her shoes and socks, drops her shorts and pulls back my black quilt, which is also painted with fabric paint in loud designs and colors.

Before I can say anything, I watch as she crawls into my bed and burrows in—her statement made, with no plans of leaving.

I don’t want to bother Gramma with an argument, so I follow and close the door behind me.

“Charley—” I start, but she holds her hand up, refusing to hear what I have to say. I drop my head back, annoyed. This is not what I want to be dealing with right now. I need her to leave before my heart breaks fully. At least right now there is a chance I’ll survive losing her long enough to see Gramma to her end.

“I don’t want to hear it, Riggs. Take your boots off, your pants, and get in this bed with me. I’ve had an amazing evening, and I’d like that to continue.”

“I’m glad you’ve had an amazing afternoon, now let’s go.” My words are cold, purposefully detached.

“Stop!” she yells, catching me off guard. I freeze in place. “Stop with this nonsense, Riggs. You didn’t hurt me, nor did you actually mean to put your hands on me. Now please, get in this fucking bed and snuggle me, right now.”

I rake both hands down my face.Who is this creature, and why is the universe siccing her on me? I want to take her home so I can lick my wounds in peace.

I also don’t want her to leave. It’s selfish. I don’t fucking deserve her. She’s so far out of my league, the distance is astronomical.

“I’m giving you two seconds before I get up and drag your ass over here, boots and all. I want you to touch me. To see that I’m fine. I want your hands to make me feel good, Riggs. Please,” she breathes, and I don’t miss the huskiness to her voice.

What the fuck is wrong with her?I push her to the ground and she wants me to fuck her? She should run home, slam her door shut, and tell me never to contact her again.

She’s in my bed. Sure, I’ve dreamed about sleeping with her. Who wouldn’t? She’s stunning. But I haven’t made moves because it’s dangerous. Once we do, there is no going back. I’m already doomed. Letting her go won’t be easy, that’s why I’m not pushing harder right now to get her on my bike and back across town. But if I sleep with her, I’ll never let her go.

“We can’t do this.”

“Riggs,” she warns. “If you don’t get over here, I won’t be able to hold my tears back.”

“Good, you need to cry. You need to realize I’m not the person for you.”

She holds up a finger, ticking it back with the opposite hand. “One, that’s my decision. Two, you are worthy. You just don’t know it yet. Three, I’m tired of this bullshit. We are in this together, no matter how fucked we both are. We have tricky, gross pasts, both of us. But I’m not going to let them come in between something so fucking real. Now get in this bed with me, please, so I can have you against me. I need to feel you, Riggs.”

Need. Such a gross and wicked concept.

I need her, too. That’s why I haven’t been able to let her go. She has filled a void that I’veneededfilled for far too long.

Her chin quivers, and her eyes glisten.

“Okay. okay.” I put my hands out, palms down, in an attempt to surrender and to calm her. I don’t want to see her cry, especially not if it’s my fault.

I kick my boots off, remove my socks and my pants, then slip into some sweats. I pull the covers back and make her scoot over. Before I can even get settled, she’s latching on to me, pulling me in. Her warmth surrounds me, soothes me.

A sob slips from her and I hold her tighter. “Outlaw, what is it?” I almost hate how easily her nickname slips from my lips. Being so selfish like I am right now is something I’m not used to. I’ve never allowed myself to be selfish, but with her, I can’t stop, and it’s going to be the end of me one day.

“I don’t want to lose you, Jester.” She sniffles.

“I’m right here. Just rest, okay?”

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