Page 74 of The Jester and His Outlaw: Part One

“No, she didn’t tell me. I thought they broke up because she realized he is a piece of shit.”

“She realized he was a piece of shit well before that. She was under a lot of pressure from our parents to stay with him. They still don’t care that he cheated on her. It’s creepy really. They are dead set on them being together. She hates herself for what happened with Sam, man. I mean beats herself up all the time over it. She didn’t come out of her room for weeks.”

Guilt settles like a rock in my stomach for how rude to her I was. Not knowing someone’s past should’ve been my first reason for not being a dick. Second, I’m not a bully, but I was acting like one. Charley didn’t deserve how I treated her.

“Really?” I lean up from the spot I took next to Kai on the couch and rest my elbows on my knees. After a few seconds of pondering what he said, I flip open the pizza box. I have even less of an appetite, especially now, but I need to eat. If I don’t, Jensen will throw a fit.

“Yeah, I was convinced Mom and Dad were gonna have to take her to the psych ward. It was that bad.” Jensen’s eyes flick to mine to gauge my response, but I’m locked up tight despite the turmoil rolling inside me. I’ll save my response for when I call her. I’ve grossly misjudged her and though I’ve known that for a while now, this conversation solidifies it.

We might not make it to a relationship, because how could we? I’m not the person a girl like Charley falls for.

I owe her an apology. There is no doubt that we will remain some sort of friends. I want her in my life, but I can’t promise her I can open my heart like that. Jensen was right when he said he thinks it’s her on top of everything else that is triggering my anxiety and PTSD. As much as I can’t seem to get her out of my mind and let her go, I have to listen to my body and my mind. I won’t make a good man for her. I just won’t.

Then let her go.The thought torments me. I want to let her go; I do. Noble is the right thing to be. It’s better for the both of us. But I’ve also never felt much for a girl. The simple fact that I can’t stop obsessing over her should say something. Will I ever be able to let her go? Is friendship enough? The possession that seared through me seeing Jonas’ arm around her made me want to crawl out of my skin. It was so potent, and we haven’t even established anything between us.

We kissed, sure, but declared nothing. She isn’t mine, and that’s for the best. Needing to move on, I tuck away my thoughts of her to unpack later when I want to torture myself some more.

Charley, the enigma who has invaded my life.

“I hate that for her. Guilt is a crazy thing. We’re not technically together, so even if she got back with him or is with Brett, she’s not cheating.” Both guys huff a laugh and look at me as if I’m missing something or they’re tired of my stubbornness. They’ll have to get over it. My stubbornness has kept me safe and has stopped me from hurting anyone else in my life.

Or it’s made you worse, kept you from really living or loving.I force the thought back into a box in the back of my mind because I’m not good for anyone, especially Charley. I say that now. When I see her again, my heart will sing a different tune. This war in me is never-ending. Good thing I have the weekend to figure it out.

“Regardless, you mean something to her so she would never do that.” Kai’s words ignite genuine fear in me. I can’t mean something to her, I can’t. I will only bring her down and I won’t do that to someone. Can we handle just friendship? And I mean we because I don’t know if I will be able to. My heart wants more from her. I should cut all ties.

“Hey,” Jensen calls, and his voice is stern. Even though it’s dark, he pins me with his gaze. The gaze that tells me to chill the fuck out. He wants to say it like he usually does, but he also doesn’t want to in front of Kai. We’ve been hanging out and talking more often, but we’re not there yet. I nod my acknowledgement of his help, hoping to portray how grateful I am that he interrupted my spiral. If Kai notices anything, he doesn’t bring it up.

CHAPTER34

RIGGS

Over the courseof the last hour, Gramma has called me into her room three times. By the third time and the snicker that echoes so quietly into the hallway, I know she is fucking with me. And by the sound of the bottle falling to the floor, she’s drunk. With the day she’s had, there is no way it can upset me. Like I would ever get upset with her regardless, but I’m glad the guys stayed at my place, no matter how small it might be. They understood when I told them I would not leave. They showed up with pizzas and have been here all day.

“Look here, old lady. You’d better decide if you have everything you need before I walk out of this room again or I’m sending Jensen in here next time.” Gramma wags her brows and an interested smirk sits lopsided on her lips.

“I was wonderin’ how long it would take you to threaten me with them. Send both of them in, the dark-haired one… I like ‘em tall, Riggsy.” I deadpan. She always knows how to make me laugh, drunk or sober, but when she is tipsy, there is a certain raunchiness about her humor. Thankfully, Jensen knows what she’s about so he can handle her. Kai, on the other hand, I don’t know if he gets she is teasing.

“They’re both tall, Gramma. I think that’s more than even you can handle.” I rest my hip on the side of her mattress. Over the past few days, I’ve noticed her slow decline. Her cheeks are sunken in, the hollows bruised and gauntly. The whites of her eyes are always bloodshot, and most of the time, her pupils are blown and glassed over. Her skin has taken on an almost translucent appearance. I’m certain I could push my finger right through it if I gripped her too hard. It kills me to see her so frail and not be able to do anything to help her.

Showering or doing anything has become quite the task for her and she refuses to let me help, so her hair is a little wild right now. Well, what’s left of it. She started thinning a long time ago and cancer has just made it worse.

“Riggsy, dear. Back in my day, before I met your grandpa, I was quite the looker.”

“You still are, Gramma.” Jensen sneaks in and stands behind me, a box of pizza in his hands.

Shortly after, Kai joins him. He takes in her appearance without a single emotion flickering across his face, then he scans the room and when he sees the empty bottle of Jack on the floor, he cracks a smile. Before he lets the reaction get too far, it’s covered by his hand. I meet his line of sight and bob a nod, rolling my eyes around and swaying my head back and forth like I’m drunk.

“I’m right here, Riggsy. I know you’re talking about me. And yes, I’m drunk. Excuse me for not acting all that lady-like right now, fellas.”

“No need to apologize,” Kai says and her floating eyes bob and weave as they find him. When she sees him, her sagging eyebrows shoot up her forehead, opening her eye sockets so we can actually see her eyes.

“Well, wouldn’t you have the power to sway me as you please?”

“Pardon?” Kai tries not to laugh at Gramma’s odd greeting.

“Lookin’ like you, dear, I’m sure you get any woman to do anything you want her to,” Gramma explains, to which Kai tilts his head in agreement.

“I’m afraid it’s the other way around when it comes to my lady, ma’am. I’ll do anything she asks me to.” Gramma’s mouth snaps shut with his response. Damn, he’s smooth. Way to throw her off with that answer.

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