Page 22 of Cruel Love

It didn’t escape me that I’d told her about my dad and how I would never abandon my kid. In the pool, I did another lap. I was pushing myself past what I should have been doing, and I knew it but couldn’t stop. I was going crazy, and not being able to get ahold of Aspen wasn’t helping. Finally, Shane picked up after practice and promised to talk to her.

When my phone rang, I hauled myself out of the pool on shaky legs. Fuck this weak shit. You need to get better and stronger, and you need to do it fast. I hit the speaker button after answering Shane’s call. “Did you talk to her?”

“Yeah, she’s going to call. I just left the dorm. I’ve got to do some more bullshit errands. I just wanted you to know.”

“Thanks, man.”

No one would tell me if it was true. Worst-case scenarios ran through my mind at breakneck speed. She’d seen the house—maybe she thought our family had money. We did, but it was Grandad’s or Uncle Lucas’s. Mom didn’t have shit, thanks to my dad leaving her to raise two kids on her own and offering no financial support.

I wished Shane would just be straight with me. I knew he was worried. He’d told me some stuff and alluded to other things that were starting to make a tiny bit of sense. I needed to talk to someone. I was going to lose my mind.

After toweling off, I went inside to the smell of percolating coffee saturating the kitchen and my mom midyawn.

I fell onto the island chair, my legs protesting too much. “Did you know?”

“Did I know what, sweetie?”

“About Aspen and that she’s pregnant.”

Mom stood up straight, her mouth forming an O.

I had my answer even before she said a word. Fuck.

She schooled her expression but saw mine and clearly gave up trying to hide how she felt. “Yes. I found out at the hospital, after the accident. I saw her chart. And there was also a scene with her dad.”

“Am I the father?”

“She hasn’t told me you are, but… I suspect you might be.”

“What happened with her father? No holding back, Mom. Please. I’m losing it, trying to figure all this out.”

She gave me a small nod, poured herself a cup of coffee, and brought it with her to the island. She sat in a chair next to me, swiveling so that we faced each other.

“I came in at the end of it, but he was upset about her still being pregnant. I just”—she shrugged—“I don’t understand how a parent could hope that their kid miscarries.”

“He sounds like an ass.” If I’d been awake, I would have shut him up.

“I don’t want to make any snap judgements. There was so much stress and fear for those first few days… I doubt he meant it. Or there’s more behind his behavior that I’m not privy to.”

“It doesn’t change what he said.”

A sad smile tugged at her mouth. “We all say things at times we don’t mean, that we regret. He’s human. Don’t make any judgements about him until you know everything.” She held up a hand. “And I don’t know much. I’m just being honest with you about what I do know.”

I ran my hands through my hair. The dull hammering in my head wouldn’t go away, but at least the pains weren’t shooting through my skull anymore. There was nothing I could do about it—about anything. I had to find out if Aspen was pregnant with my baby.

Mom ran a hand over her mouth but dropped it as soon as she noticed me watching her.

“Are you disappointed?”

“Of course not. I’m no angel.” She winked. “You already know that I got pregnant with you and Shane when I wasn’t married. Things didn’t work out for me and your dad, but maybe they will for you and Aspen. I hope so.”

“I’m fourteen, Mom. That’s—fuck, I’m nineteen. It’s so weird.”

She squeezed my hand and held on tightly. “I know it’s strange. And that’s even more reason to take a step back and let yourself get used to the probability that she’s pregnant and the possibility that you’re the father.”

“I know you’re right, but I can’t stop thinking about her.” There was that shooting pain in my left temple. “Why would she lie to me about something like that?”

“Maybe she didn’t. You could have known all along. But we all were trying to be careful around you, to give your brain a chance to heal. And it will.” She stressed the last part so much that even I believed her, though hope was proving to be fleeting.

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