Page 3 of Cruel Love

“No. She knows I’m pregnant, though. If not from my dad’s big mouth, then from my chart.”

“She doesn’t work there, though.”

“Doesn’t matter. She talked with the nurses and doctors and checked on me. I’m sure she knows. We don’t touch that subject, so maybe she doesn’t know it’s her son’s baby.”

“One good thing, I guess.” Max threaded his fingers through mine.

“Then Mom”—this part was so weird—“defended him. Said some stuff about him being under a tremendous amount of stress at work. Like that makes it all okay.”

“You’re the scapegoat. Lucky you.”

“Yeah, lucky me.” I was done. I didn’t want to rehash that colossal nightmare anymore. “Anyway, it was a big scene.”

“I’m sorry, baby girl.” Max raised an arm, making room for me. “Come here.”

I scooted closer and leaned against his side, contemplating the situation. I liked Phoenix’s mom a lot. She was kind and patient. Not once had she made me feel less than others or seemed like she thought I was trying to take advantage of her son—not that I’d admitted I was carrying his kid. She didn’t ask, but I swore she knew. She also kept me updated on his progress and asked about mine, making sure I knew she was available should I need anything.

“Have the headaches stopped?”

“No.” We’d taken a massive hit in the car accident. “But I feel normal otherwise. And the baby’s okay.”

“I’m not surprised about that. From what you said, Phoenix saved you, shielded you with his body.”

Aside from the horrific accident, it was the stuff of dreams. Heroic and protective, he had sacrificed his safety for mine and our unborn child’s. “Shane was so lucky he was thrown from the car.” If he hadn’t been, he wouldn’t have survived. The front end and side where he was sitting were crushed. I’d been tucked securely under Phoenix, but the door had rammed into his head from the force of impact against another vehicle. Shane had landed on the hood of a sedan, and their dad was partially thrown out of the car through the windshield. Both had sustained contusions but nothing too severe. It was nothing shy of miraculous.

“Is your dad talking to you yet?”

Speaking of dads. “No, not after making sure I was okay when I was in the hospital last month after the accident. He can’t let it go that I got knocked up.”

“I don’t get it. You’re self-reliant, still in school, and starting your own business. What’s not to be proud of? He needs to get over his shit.”

I agreed, but I also understood, in a way. “He’s hurt. He wanted better for me than he could give Mom, my sister, and me.” I hadn’t known the extent of his feelings until Mom explained it at the hospital. Once he knew I was okay, Dad didn’t visit. I got my stubbornness from him.

We fell into a companionable silence, and I rested my head on his shoulder. Each of us stayed lost in our thoughts as waves broke along the shoreline. The sun was high in the sky, and I was beginning to think about lunch. I wanted to surf a little more before we headed back to hit the cafeteria. I wasn’t a huge fan of cafeteria food, but I’d paid for it and was going to use my meal plan until I had to move out. Even with my part time job at the diner, I couldn’t swing living on campus next semester.

Phoenix had been giving me envelopes of money he earned from the underground fights. The last event—the fight he’d lost—had been on the night of the accident. I hadn’t touched any of the money. I couldn’t use it. Nothing about it felt right, so I opened a savings account for the baby. It would be her money someday, a gift from her dad. And if she never got to know him as her father, then there would be even more meaning behind it. Because before the amnesia, when he knew who I was and how she’d come to be, I knew he would have given her the world.

Max squeezed my shoulder. He’d come along to make sure I was safe while surfing, which was where I found solace. Knowing how important it was to me, the doc said it was fine as long as I wasn’t careless. My friends and I had a group chat set up so that someone could be with me if I wanted to go. Even more than before, lately, I wanted to lose myself in the waves every spare moment I got.

“Are you going to go back to the hospital?”

I sighed. Phoenix was all we’d talked about, and a part of me couldn’t forget how I’d taken advantage of my friendship with Max, making everything about me. “I’m probably not going to go back. He doesn’t remember me, anyway.” That was hard to admit. “The doctor has no idea if he’ll get his memory back.” I gestured at my belly. “And I’m showing and don’t want to spring it on him.” I wouldn’t mind seeing him again, especially after the way he’d protected us that night.

After the accident, I’d taken a long, hard look at our situation and stopped being stubborn. I had feelings for Phoenix. It had hit me like a Mack truck one day as I sat at the hospital and talked to his mom, listening to her tell stories about Phoenix when he was young and how he’d struggled knowing his dad abandoned them. The stories she told showed me how tough he was and how he tried to protect everyone he cared for.

“Maybe Phoenix not remembering is a good thing. You can help him remove his head from his ass so he can be a part of the baby’s life.”

Max wasn’t Phoenix’s biggest fan, beyond enjoying what a smoke-show he was—those were Max’s words. But he wasn’t wrong.

I would have liked for him to be part of the baby’s life and not get in his own way with his attitude, but I wasn’t going to push. The thing was, I never really had him in the first place. We’d shared one explosive night at the cove last July, resulting in my getting pregnant, and then we’d tried to be fake boyfriend and girlfriend, but that had been full of misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

So no, I wouldn’t try to make him remember or be a part of our lives. Even if it meant I lost him for good.

CHAPTER THREE

PHOENIX

Holy shit! Shane is huge! Built like a truck and fucking old!

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