Page 69 of Sean

Sean shook hands with the FBI agents and local law enforcement, then watched the van being used to transport Wilson to jail drive off the ranch. It was over.

“You coming?” Ethan asked. He and Owen were headed toward the bunkhouse for what was left of the night. As spacious as his parents’ house was, they’d run out of spare rooms to accommodate everyone there. Julia had given up her room to Helen and Sophie, settling on sharing with her mom, and the guys were going to sleep out in the bunkhouse.

“Not yet. See you guys in the morning.” Sean watched them go and stood under the dark sky. Dawn was just three hours away, but he was too wired to sleep.

Without consciously thinking about where he was going, he walked to the house and let himself in, fighting the urge to stick his head in the guest rooms and check on Julia and the kids. As much as he knew the danger was over, everything in him still wanted to make sure they were safe.

He went to the hallway outside their doors and sat on the floor, his back leaning against the wall, as he mentally sorted through the night’s events. If he’d been even a few seconds slower getting to Julia, Wilson would have killed her. Sean was amazed and impressed that she’d held him off as long as she had. The woman was fierce. But he still couldn’t shake the image of Wilson’s gun pointed at her.

Getting to her in time had been worth every risk he’d taken in jumping the divide. There’d been no choice when he’d realized what was at stake, and he hadn’t hesitated. Still, it could have gone south. The kids would have been saved, but Julia…

He had to get past that because it had him all messed up inside. She was so special to him, even if their paths would split within the next few days. He’d return to his house and life, and she’d take the kids and go. He scrubbed a hand over his face, not liking it at all when he imagined them parting.

He heard the rustling of clothing from nearby and went immediately on alert. It wasn’t coming from a room, but from the hallway that was around the corner. Silently, he got to his feet and moved closer. When he was just about to round the corner, he heard Tara’s voice.

“It’s just me,” she said in a whisper. “Can’t sleep.”

Like he had been, she was seated on the floor with her arms wrapped around her pulled up knees. She patted the floor next to him, an invitation for him to join her.

“Guard duty?” he asked, since she was outside her daughters’ bedroom doors.

“Yeah. I know I don’t need to be here, I know they’re safe, but…”

“Tough to shake it off,” he agreed as he sat. “I was doing the same thing outside of Lucy and Amos’s room.”

“And Julia’s.”

“Yeah,” he said, and they sat in silence for a few minutes. The old house creaked occasionally, but it was a familiar, nocturnal sound. The danger was gone. And yet, as much as he kept telling himself that, it just wasn’t sinking in. The residual fear was there along with some guilt for what he’d put his family through. “When I brought Julia and the kids here, I put you all in danger. I’m sorry for that. It created a situation that everyone had to deal with.”

“Hush.” Tara poked his arm. “Apologize for not telling us the whole story upfront, because that was a jackass move. But don’t ever apologize for protecting the people you love. You know I’m always going to help you with that. So will Emmy and Mom and Dad. We’re family.”

He didn’t respond. He felt too overwhelmed to speak—and he didn’t know what to say, anyway. He was glad, though, to feel like things were finally at ease between him and Tara. For the first time since before JP died, they were one hundred percent on the same page. That felt good.

“You do love them, right?” Tara asked into the silence. “Julia and the kids? Because it sure looks that way to the rest of us.”

“I do,” he admitted. It wasn’t nearly as hard to say aloud as he thought it might be.

“So…?” she prompted.

“So why’d I break up with Julia?” He got what his sister was asking. “Because I thought it would be easier, less painful. If they’re out of my life, I’ll get over loving them, and then I’d never have to risk falling apart again, like I did after JP. Loving someone gives you something to lose.”

“You really think it’ll be that easy to stop loving them?”

He sighed. “No. Not anymore. I’m always going to love Julia and the kids whether I see them every day or never again.” Never seeing them again seemed like a sentence to a perpetual solitary confinement. He’d chosen that for himself in the past, lived it, and tried to convince himself it was for the best. He knew now that wasn’t true.

“Is seeing them every day an option?” Tara prodded because that’s what she did.

“I don’t know. I was…I was a dick to Julia when I told her we were done. What if it’s too late? What if she won’t trust me like she did?”

“She trusted you to save her.”

“That was my job—it was the reason she came to me in the first place, back when she didn’t know me from Adam,” he said. “That’s not the same thing as trusting me with her heart.” Julia had hugged him in the aftermath of capturing Wilson, but that could be just her needing a little comfort after the trauma of the moment. She’d probably have hugged Ethan or Owen if they’d been the ones to reach her first—not that he wanted to think of her in anyone else’s arms.

“Never known you not to go for something you wanted,” Tara said. “You should at least try.”

“Do you really think she’ll take me back?” he asked hopefully.

But Tara just shrugged. “No idea. I believe she loves you too, but it’s her call whether or not she’ll forgive you. She was pretty broken up about it.”

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