Page 53 of Sean

“I want to see them for myself.” Lucy’s lower lip stuck out. She was usually cooperative and sweet, but she loved horses and to see the foals would be a treat for her.

“I know, sweetie, but—” Julia was interrupted when Eden dashed up to them.

“Time to hit the pinata,” the older girl announced. “Come on.”

Lucy left with Eden. The idea of swinging at a pinata filled with candy and trinkets was apparently too much to resist.

“Should I go?” Julia asked, looking toward where the kids had gone. The children were gathered around the pinata that hung from the branch of a tree.

“Tara’s got it.” His older sister put a blindfold on Amos and kept the other kids at a safe distance while he wielded the bat.

Julia watched for a minute before turning back to him and resuming their dance. “I hate disappointing them,” she said.

“Maybe you all could come back for a visit,” he suggested. “Cinnamon’s foal is expected in early July. Marilyn’s a little later.”

“Marilyn?”

“Monroe. She’s a palomino—the blonds of the horse world.”

“Clever.” They danced in silence for several minutes, occasionally looking to where the kids batted at the pinata. “If we come back later,” Julia eventually said, “will you be here?”

Would he? He’d expected to go back to his home when Julia no longer needed him for protection. But so much had changed since then. Would he be able to separate himself from his family so completely again? She was watching him, waiting for an answer. Was her expression hopeful? He thought it was, which registered deep inside him.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “Maybe.”

She accepted his answer and tucked in closer as the dance finished.

Soon, they got called away to eat cake and watch as Emmy opened her gifts. The guests didn’t stay long after that. Soon it was only family left. The sun went down, and the kids declared that it was time to watch a movie. Tara supervised them getting makeup washed off and into their pajamas before settling them in the family room.

Joe got a fire going, and he and Sean pulled chairs close to the firepit as the stars came out. It was so much like parties Sean remembered from the past. They’d talk far into the night, eat leftover party food before finally going to bed well past midnight. The joint birthday parties for JP and Emmy had always been kind of magical. Maybe it was the springtime air and soft weather, but those were nights he’d never forget. And ones that he’d missed in the past four years.

Julia took the chair next to his, and he couldn’t resist reaching for her hand and holding on to it. He wanted to declare to his family that this woman was important to him. Having her by his side did things to him. He felt stronger, more confident, more willing to face what he’d been running from. Which he knew was the past with his brother and the rest of his family.

As the fire crackled and snapped, his sisters told stories about JP and past birthday parties. All he could do was listen as they recounted the time they’d all gone to the barn and climbed into the loft with the intention of sleeping there for the night. They’d taken blankets, snacks, and a lantern. Since they were kids, scary stories and dares had become part of the night.

“Do you remember?” Tara said to Sean. “You told JP that he had to go down the ladder blindfolded to prove he was tough.”

“And he did,” Emmy chimed in. “I remember watching him. He never hesitated. Straight down and back up, working only by feel. He wanted to impress you.”

The memory was vivid in Sean’s head. He thought how stupid and risky it had been for him to give a challenge like that to a kid who never turned down a dare. At the same time, he could see JP’s grin when he reached the top again and removed the blindfold. He’d been so proud of himself.

“My favorite was the year you all pitched tents in the woods down by the stream,” his mom said. “JP and Emmy must have been all of six at the time. Your father and I waited on the porch until daybreak expecting someone to come back to the house.”

“I was so frightened,” Emmy admitted. “We all ended up in the same tent because I got spooked by the howl of a coyote. JP convinced me to tough it out.”

“But he promised you that he’d go home if you wanted to,” Tara added. “I remember that distinctly.”

“Yeah, he did. He was sweet that way.”

“You were his twin,” Tara said.

“I still am his twin, even if he’s not here anymore.” Emmy said emphatically. “Just because he’s gone doesn’t change that he’s our brother.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Sean said. That was all he was capable of adding to the conversation. The memories of his brother that he had been blocking flooded back as he sat by the fire with Julia’s hand in his. Over the past four years, he’d only let himself feel guilt and grief, and even those he’d limited as much as he could by closing himself off from everything that reminded him of his family. He’d never let himself recall JP as he was—a daredevil kid who’d matured into a brave man.

Maybe he should have been with his family during these past years. Maybe trying to wrestle with his loss by himself had been a huge mistake. Sharing the feelings with others somehow lessened the bad and helped him to focus on the good moments. The happy days when they’d been kids playing and working on the ranch. JP was here in the house, the barns, and the woods. Denying himself access to that might have just compounded his own grief.

Julia’s hand tightened around his as if she understood his inner turmoil. He glanced at her. She wore one of his sweatshirts over the white dress since the evening had grown chilly. Her delicate features were highlighted by the glow of the fire, and he had the sense that she belonged here, too.

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