Page 34 of Sean

“I think that sounds like a fabulous idea. I’ll come help.” Julia grabbed old T-shirts for herself and the kids and went into Emmy’s bathroom. A cabinet was open with several jars and bottles of dye.

“I think a natural color is best,” Emmy said, selecting containers and putting them on the sink. She boosted Amos up onto the counter and finger combed his hair. “I think you’d look pretty amazing with hair as dark as your aunt’s.”

“What about me?” Lucy asked. “I already have brown hair.”

“You’d look lovely as a redhead. I’ve got just the thing.” She grabbed for a jar and opened it. “You ready?”

Emmy worked efficiently, keeping up a steady stream of chatter with the kids, while she applied the color to their hair. She obviously had some experience with the process, leaving Julia with little to do other than make sure the excited kids sat mostly still.

“Okay, now we have to wait twenty minutes.” She draped towels around their shoulders and took them into her room. “You can watch a show on my laptop while the color sets. Then, we rinse and condition.” Emmy got them settled and came back into the bathroom where Julia was cleaning up.

“Thanks,” Julia said. “They loved that, and it might help.”

“I enjoyed it, too. I used to love to dye my hair. I tried out all the colors.” Emmy ran her fingers through her brown hair that was a shade lighter than Sean’s. “I’d be platinum blond, then pink, green, blue. Super dark, bright red. And then I stopped.”

“After JP died,” Julia ventured. As wonderful and vibrant as the Miller family was in so many ways, there were some aspects where the family seemed to have stalled, locked in a rut they couldn’t escape. It seemed that Tara and Kelly kept things going because of the business of the ranch and for Tara’s three girls. Julia wasn’t sure about Joe. He’d been affable, but reserved.

But Emmy…she was different from the others. She tried to appear content on the surface but she seemed stalled out in life.

“Yeah.” Emmy twisted one of the jars closed. “Lots of things stopped for me then. Losing a brother would be hard enough, losing a twin…too much.”

“Have you considered returning to art school?”

“Sometimes. I just don’t know.”

They’d talked a little about this another time, but Julia knew Emmy better now and felt she could push the issue a little. “After Mira died…was killed.” She was still getting used to that. “After that, my biggest source of solace was taking pictures. I channeled everything I felt into the images that I took those first months, and it helped. It gave me an outlet. I still struggle. You’ve seen that firsthand, but art helps.”

“Maybe…”

“A few weeks ago, before I sought help from Sean, I was feeling really down and overwhelmed. I hadn’t picked up my camera in ages—with everything that was going on, it had honestly been the last thing on my mind. But then a friend encouraged me to take some pictures, and I did. Do you want to see one of them?” Julia pulled out her phone and brought up the image of the seabird wading on the shore that she’d texted to Sophie.

“He’s a handsome bird,” Emmy said.

“He’s also fierce and protective, which is what I saw that day—and it turned out to be exactly what I needed to see. Just the act of picking up my camera made me feel normal again. I needed that. Maybe you do, too.”

Emmy checked the timer and mopped up the counter before speaking again, giving Julia a moment to worry that she’d pushed too hard. It wasn’t her place to tell any of the Millers how to grieve or what to do.

“I have thought about it,” Emmy said. “I even checked on what I’d have to do to be readmitted to the school I left. I’m just not sure that I’m ready to leave the ranch. This is so stupid, but I can’t get it out of my head. The last time I left, someone I loved died. What if that happens again? What if I’m meant to stay home and help everyone be safe?”

It was tricky to know how to handle this. Emmy had to know that her thought process wasn’t rational. It did, however, feel real to her. Instead of tackling that directly, Julia opted for a different approach. “I never had a home base like this. We moved constantly when I was a kid for my mom’s work, and then I was always on the road for mine. I kept a small apartment in Virginia Beach, but I probably only spent eight weeks a year there, and those on and off. It must be difficult to leave a place like this that’s so much a part of your family.”

“I loved growing up here,” Emmy said. “I love that Tara never left even though Sean did. I love the traditions we had.”

“Like your birthday party?” Julia remembered the conversation from her first day there.

“Birthday party!” Lucy and Amos chorused together from the doorway.

“Whose birthday?” Lucy asked.

Even Emmy had to laugh at their enthusiasm. “Mine. We used to throw a big bash every year.”

“When’s your birthday?” Amos wanted to know.

“Soon.” Emmy drew the boy to her and turned on the water in the sink to rinse his hair.

“Would there be cake and balloons?” Lucy asked. Julia was watching Emmy closely, ready to deflect the kids’ attention away from this conversation if it looked like she needed to. She held off, though, since Emmy had a half-smile on her face.

“Usually,” Emmy said. “The decorations would depend on the theme. We always had a special theme.”

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