Page 31 of Created in Chaos

She leans to the side and gives Nox a sweet little kiss before rising and facing me, tugging the hem of her shirt as if she’s unsure of her next move. “Thank you.” Her words are spoken so quietly, they are barely audible. When she moves to walk away, I circle her wrist in a gentle hold, then point to my face, needing the same affection she freely gave my brother.

When she leans down to brush her lips against the corner of my mouth, I hold her in place and admit, “I’ll never hurt you,” in a sorry attempt at an apology.

I watch her eyelids lower and her lips curl into a mien of doubtful skepticism. “Sure, pretty boy.” She shucks my light grip and strolls from the room.

I’m not even sure she clears the door before Nox is bitching at me. “God, you’re such a dick, Lucian. I have no clue why she puts up with you most of the time.”

The comment makes me defensive and sends a spark of panic through me. “She puts up with me for the same reason everyone else does.”

“Don’t,” he warns. “Don’t lump her in with everyone else, because we both know she’s not.” He’s pissed, which pisses me off.

“Why else would she put up with us?” I make sure he hears the inflection that includes him. “It’s certainly not because we’re good guys.”

“She doesn’t need you to be a good guy. I thought she already proved that to you, since she didn’t run for the hills any of the times you pushed her and forced yourself down her throat without an ounce of reservation. Here I am, take me…or take me because you certainly don’t have any other option, unless you want to die,” he mocks with his arms spread wide.

“Fuck you. I showed her the real me, unlike you. I knew she could handle it.”

“She saw the real you from the beginning, Lucian, whether you want to admit it or not. And just because I haven’t introduced her to my demons the way you have doesn’t mean she doesn’t see me for who I am. I just don’t feel the need to challenge her at every fucking turn to make sure she’s not going to leave, then punish her for my insecurities,” he spits out.

“I don’t fucking punish her.”

“Bullshit.” He calls me out before I’m even done speaking. “One day, you’re going to go too far if you don’t straighten the hell up.”

“I told her I wouldn’t hurt her,” I defend, hating his insinuation.

“After you rubbed it in her face that you wanted her dead not long ago and reminded her that she has no goddamn control over her own life. How is she supposed to see you any differently than her grandmother if you treat her like a tool? Like a piece of property?”

“She’s not a tool for anything.” I can’t deny the fact that I already see her as mine, because he would see and hear it for the lie it is.

“It sure seems like you’re using her to get back at the Umbras,” he sneers disgustedly.

“I’m not. I don’t give a fuck if the old bitch lives to the ripe old age of a hundred, as long as she doesn’t try to fuck with Nova.”

“Maybe try to show her that, because that’s not what I’m seeing, so I doubt she can see into that fucked-up head of yours.” He shoves off the bed and heads to the bathroom, slamming the door and cutting off the conversation.

I hate when Nox is mad at me. It makes me feel like my insides are all turned the wrong way, but I know he’s not going to let me off the hook for my shitty attitude like he usually would, so I leave him be and head up to my room to give him the break he clearly needs.

NOVA

I’ve looked over my shoulder at least twenty times, expecting to see Lucian storming up behind me with some stupid demand on his lips I’ll cave to, but I’m blessedly alone. I can hear the waves lapping at the shore and feel the cool breeze coming in from the water, and it helps drown out the noise in my head enough so I can focus on Astrid and the recent family developments.

I can’t believe her claim about my mom returning home and bringing me with her, but there’s this niggling doubt that won’t allow me to dismiss it completely. I think back to the days and weeks before the accident. Was she acting differently? Did she say anything that might have hinted that something was changing? It’s a blur of normalcy though, well, our normalcy anyway—her drinking too much, and Dad pretending not to notice all the trips she made into the garage or whatever room she stashed her liquor in at the time, while he sat on the couch, staring at the TV as if it held all the answers in the world.

It pains me to say it, but I can’t even remember the last time they told me they loved me or me them. We weren’t miserable, but none of us were particularly happy either, and it hurts to think about how much time we wasted.

I look up and brush a wayward tear from my cheek. I don’t even know why I’m crying, other than I just feel too full of emotions I don’t want to own and barely understand. The cheery yellow house in the distance becomes a beacon, with its bright white outdoor furniture and sandy surroundings. It has to be hard to feel lost in a place like that, or that’s what I tell myself anyway as I change directions and head toward the structure.

My legs are tired by the time I step foot on the wide, pale steps. Sand sucks to walk in, it’s exhausting. My heart is beating fast from the exertion, but now that I’ve made it here, I don’t feel the sense of peace I was hoping for. When I turn to look at the ocean, my hair blows around my neck and face with the breeze, and as I hook my finger to drag it away, the vastness before me registers. I don’t feel any more at ease than before, but I do feel infinitely smaller, which somehow takes a little weight off my shoulders.

I sink onto the steps and let the ebb and flow of the waves help wash away some of the hurt and abandonment that took hold while I was on the phone with Astrid. I didn’t think her rejection of my father, and ultimately me, would affect me so much, because in the back of my mind, I knew he was the reason my mom left, even if it was denied, but the truth does hurt.

You don’t realize how much you crave family until it’s ripped away from you. I thought I was fine alone, but the moment the idea was presented to me, I clung to it, only to find out it’s not me they want, it’s a scion to continue their legacy.

The door opens behind me, and I nearly fall down the steps as I jump up and spin around. Before the thought even registers, I assume it’s going to be Lucian, but I’m surprised again when I see Alden in the entryway.

“What the heck?” I mutter, knowing there’s no way he should be here. I scan the area behind him, thinking this is some sort of joke and Nox is going to jump out, but Alden is alone. “What are you doing here?”

“I used to live around here in a house right up the road, believe it or not.” He leans his shoulder against the doorframe, looking entirely relaxed.

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