Page 44 of Voyeur

“No, I told her myself the next day. She ended it, and we went our separate ways after that. The door was also locked so that no one would walk in. I wish I could say that was for my girlfriend’s benefit, but it wasn’t. It was for mine. I was eighteen, and I didn’t want to be with her anymore, so I acted like an asshole and hurt her.”

“Was that your first time?”

“No,” Silver replied. “I discovered things earlier than that, if you catch my drift. The older sister and I hooked up a few more times after that, though, and I had my first threesome with her in her apartment off campus. That was when I started to figure out that I didn’t just want the more traditional view people had on sex; at least, not all the time.”

“What does that mean, exactly?”

“I would imagine it’s something you’re discovering for yourself right now,” Silver suggested.

“I don’t know what I’m discovering.”

“Yes, you do. You’re figuring out that you don’t fit the mold, and that’s scary. It sounds like your parents raised you to not only fit the mold but to cram yourself inside it and to hide every other part of yourself that didn’t fit.”

“I think that’s close.”

“And coming out might have been hard, I’m guessing.”

“They tolerate it. My sister doesn’t care, but they’re adequate in their support, at best. I have no idea what’s going to happen when I bring home my first girlfriend.” Honor laughed a little. “I might not want to subject a woman to that.”

“I’d go,” Silver told her.

Honor laughed loudly.

“Why is that funny?”

“You’re not my girlfriend, Silver.”

“Didn’t say that I was. Just said I’d go to meet them with you. It could be fun. They’ll say rude and passive-aggressive things. I’ll do the same in return to give them a taste of their own medicine. Then, when you bring home an actual girlfriend, they might be a little nicer to her.”

“Maybe not. I’m still getting used to being gay.”

“How’s that going?”

Honor leaned back into the arm Silver still had over the back of the couch and said, “There’s this guy at work. His name is Alec.”

“Okay.”

“He’s in IT. Well, he’s our only IT guy, and we share him with two other non-profits, but that’s not important. Anyway, I think he has a crush on me.”

“Oh, yeah? Poor Alec.”

Silver’s hand moved into Honor’s hair and began playing with the strands.

“He hasn’t directly asked me out, but it’s obvious. Even my co-workers have noticed. Anyway, when it first started, him hitting on me, I wasn’t out yet, but I knew I needed to finally just admit it to myself. The thought of having sex with another man made me miserable.”

“I hear that,” Silver joked.

That made Honor laugh before she said, “I thought about just asking him out, though. There was a minute where I just told myself that I wasn’t his boss; I had no control over him at all in a professional capacity. I thought that he was cute, which he is. He has that nerdy hot vibe working for him. I could see him on top of me after a date, taking what he wanted, and me lying there, just accepting it, and as much as I knew I didn’t want that, I still thought about it.”

“Giving in?” Silver asked.

“Yes. What does that make me? A coward, right?”

“Did you do it?”

“No,” Honor answered.

“Have you been with another man since?”

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