Page 16 of Forgive Me For I Have Sinned

I laugh, baring my teeth, and tap my temple with my finger. "You don't know what I am." I pause. "I-I don't know what I am. The Bible says if you kill yourself, you go straight to hell, but God didn't specify what that hell was." I get up and angle my head, trying not to break down in front of him. The sound of the water gets louder as my heart beats erratically inside my chest.

He tries to move forward, but I step back under the spray, looking at him boldly. "Go home, Valen."

"I'm not. I'm not leaving you here." He rolls his eyes. "Fine," he mutters, removing his shirt, pants, and shoes.

"I'm not going to kill myself," I say with wide eyes, instantly turning around.

"Tell me what's wrong, Veronica. You can't go home like this. I can't leave you like this. Tell me what to do or what you need."

He stands behind me when I turn around and shut my eyes, hoping he gives up and goes away. I don't know why he followed me or how he knew I was here, but it doesn't matter right now. I feel dirty, ugly, and worthless.

"Do you think I'm a good person?" I ask, my voice breaking.

I know he doesn't. No one does, but I need to hear it. I need him to say it. Because one thing Valen is, he's honest. There is no bullshitting with him. He just has a sex addiction. A woman wouldn't know if he wants her for real or if he’s just trying to feed his demons, but when he's done, he regrets it as soon as it's over. I've seen how he shuts down right after at Kenyan parties when he comes out of a bedroom after fucking some girl. It's like an off button. Everything shuts down, and the lust in his eyes dies like it never happened, except for Jess. He fell for her, but he saw how Jess looked at Reid and he looked at her. I think we all did.

"I think we all have good in us…you know." I nod. "But whatever you are going through right now, I just need you to trust me. I need you to give me the blade, sweetheart."

I nod again and hand it to him, watching him place it on the brown bench attached to the tiled wall beside his shirt and jeans.

"I'm not trying to kill myself. I need you to know that."

He nods. "You need to feel the pain."

Tears slide down my cheeks because he gets it. He gets me.

"All I've ever known is pain."

He looks confused under the water, causing his hair to stick to his forehead. Water slides down his chiseled chest. Valen is built like a swimmer with little to no body fat on his tall frame. He's good-looking but a heartbreaker.

"What do you mean?"

I cringe inwardly because I said too much. I place my finger over my lips. "Shh." The skin between his brows crinkles, so I slide my finger to my ear and tap slowly and whisper, "It's not what you know but what you see and hear."

"Da-fuq?"

I shake my head, frustrated that he doesn't understand. I look down at my feet, the blood slowing its descent on the tile and walk to the next stall and turn on the water and then the next one, so the sound of water echoes louder against the tiled walls. I walk back, not caring I'm leaving footprints stained with blood on the floor.

He wipes the water from his face and steps close. I place my finger over his lips, telling him to be quiet. I pull his head down, so our lips almost brush and whisper, "They can hear you if they are listening." He raises his brow like I'm fucking crazy, and to most people, I sound like I am. He stands numbly when I turn around and slide my naturally dark hair to the side, and I hear the audible intake of his breath.

My hands begin to tremble at what he sees––what I’m allowing him to see. I turn around to see his expression and widen my eyes while keeping my finger to my lips, so he will remain quiet, shaking my head. His eyes widen in disbelief.

"You can leave now. I need to get back home. You were great, by the way." His lips drop open. "This stays between us," I drone on. "You wouldn't want Melissa to know about us."

Crazy talk. All of it.

But he knows.

He gets it.

He gets me.

And he knows he can't utter a word.

To anyone.

CHAPTER 7

Alaric

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