Page 14 of Forgive Me For I Have Sinned

The night my whole world turned to shit and has been since then. My life keeps getting better, but not in a good way. Every time I think I’ve made friends, it all turns to shit because of my past. Because of Alaric. I tried texting Adam, but he ignored my texts and calls. I probably lost a friend, but if he knew who I really was, he probably would tell me to go to hell and fuck off anyway. I did what was right, I tell myself. It felt dirty, but it was worth it.

I hear a roaring engine from a car coming down the street behind me, but I keep walking, ignoring the sound getting louder. I look straight ahead, counting the concrete slabs from the sidewalk in my head, walking past the frat houses on fraternity row.

I watch the sleek black car pull up ahead by the curb. The taillights glow red like evil eyes. I pause for a second but continue to walk and decide just to ignore it. The dark-tinted window slides down when I'm about to pass the car, and I recognize the tattoos on the hands gripping the steering wheel, which only causes me to walk faster.

"Where's your driver?" he calls out.

I keep walking. I've never spoken to Alaric since that night and don't plan to. Ever.

The car crawls forward, but I keep walking.

"Stop being stupid and get in. It isn't safe walking out here alone. I'll take you home."

He didn't care that night, and I made it to hell just fine. This night is no different, but my father isn't waiting to make me pay for my so-called sins this time.

I don't stop and he continues to follow me until I reach the bus stop. I sit and check the time, fifteen minutes until the last bus for the night. If I missed it, I would have to call a cab or an Uber. I like to avoid spending money if I don't have to, so I'll wait for the bus.

"Are you joking right now? The bus?"

Yeah, asshole. It's called public transportation, but a stuck-up dick like him probably has never been on a bus.

"So you're going to sit out here alone until a bus comes with who knows what on it." I roll my eyes and look away. "I'm going to call your father."

My head snaps in his direction as sheer terror flows through my veins. "Fuck off!" I yell angrily.

"She speaks. That got your attention, didn't it? You don't want to piss off Daddy, huh?"

A brief gust of rage flows through me, but I tamper it down. He's just patronizing me. Trying to get under my skin.Refrain from showing him a reaction, Veronica.

His gray eyes slide over my crossed legs, making me wish I had pants on. I don't want him looking at me. It confuses me. And the fact that I hated what he did to me doesn't help. I've paid for it with my body and my blood.

"I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't surprised to see you there, but then I saw you with the Ohio State QB, I figured you must have run out of cocks to fuck. I thought you would have toned it down by now, but I guess I was right the first time. You are a whore.”

“So I’ve heard,” I reply sarcastically. “Are you done? Because it seems like you love to keep tabs on me since you know how many cocks I take.”

“Not at all. That is just what I overhear. I was being generous since I saw to it Valen made it home. I owe it to the Order and all.”

“You mean you don’t want people pointing fingers if something happens to me and you happened to drive by. Trust me, no one would care.”

“That is not true. Your father would be devastated.”

A maniacal laugh bubbles out of my throat, and I do what I do best, act like they expect me to, so I don't fall into a self-deprecating puddle of self-pity. I widen my legs so that my panty-covered pussy is exposed. I watch his eyes flick between my gaze and my panties. Maybe he'll leave. "Is this what you were hoping for?" I purr, pasting a fake salacious smile on my lips. "You know, ever since you fucked me like a rabid dog and told everyone what you thought about me, it’s made them curious to see if it's true. All they want is to fuck me." I slouch on the bench, widening my legs, and watch him blink in confusion when I finally say, "Thank you for making me their filthy whore. It reminds me of how much I hate you." I snap my legs closed. "Now fuck off."

He shakes his head offended but grinning. "You're just pissed off that you were outed and couldn't trap me. Come to think of it, are you still desperate and fuck random guys on your period?"

I'm relieved the lights of the bus appear, and he will have no choice but to pull away from the curb. After all this time, he still thinks of me the same way. I was so stupid in thinking he was different from the rest. He was a mistake. Poor judgment because I was trying to find someone to feel something genuine with just once. But it's too late for me. The damage is done, because I chose wrong.

I get up when it gets closer and walk toward the curb, not answering him, waiting for the bus to open its doors so I can get on. I sit in the back, relieved there are only two other people on, and watch as Alaric pulls away from the curb, roaring down the street.

I close my eyes and remember the night I walked in on him with another girl. It was at a Kenyan party after a swim meet. I was surprised he showed up since he had graduated. Reid was acting his usual self. It was six months into our freshman year, and Alicia was already gone. They killed her for eloping with Prey. It was a message. Loud and clear, and my father was part of it because he voted like an executioner.

Nothing has mattered since Alicia's death. I hide the pain along with my little notes of self-pity. I have no one but my regrets to keep me company. I should have told Reid when she promised me not to tell anyone she was leaving with Chase, but I didn't. I promised her I wouldn't and that I would make sure Reid found his happily ever after.

After I found out that my father voted for them to kill her, I knew it had everything to do with me. No one knew, but I did. Charles Devlin voted yes because of me. If I wasn't her friend to begin with, maybe she would still be alive, which makes it all my fault. I should have known Charles Devlin would take the one pure thing I had: my best friend.

That night at the party in Kenyan, I walked up to the house looking for the bathroom. I didn't think anything of it when Reid looked at me, but I knew it wasn't really Reid. His eyes told me it wasn't. They were dark and malicious with intent. They told me I deserved what I would see and feel. I opened the door, and he was fucking Becca Hales from behind. She hated me. But I’ll never forgot the look in his eyes when he saw me standing at the threshold or how he told her she was beautiful and felt good. The way he held her and placed soft kisses on her neck. The way he never was with me––the way no one has ever touched me.

Because girls like me didn't deserve pleasure. They deserved pain.

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