Page 26 of Forgive Me For I Have Sinned

"I'm aware," I say but don't meet her gaze, afraid of what she might see.

Fear.

"What is she doing here?" I jolt and find gray eyes flash at me in disgust.

"Alaric, you remember Veronica."

His face tightens. "Mother, I know who she is, but that doesn't answer my question. What the hell is she doing here?"

Claire straightens, holding the hanger in her hand. "I invited her here. She was just stopping by to pick something up."

He glances at the dress and then at me. "I will say this once and won't repeat it. You can manipulate and fuck everyone in Kenyan like the whore that you are." I inwardly flinch. He backs me up toward the archway leading to the exit.

"Alaric! What has gotten into you!" Claire yells. But it falls on deaf ears.

"Get the fuck out. You're not welcome here." His jaw is set in a hard line. He opens the front door and almost rips it off its hinges with force.

I should have never come. I keep telling myself to ignore her calls, but it's hard when all someone has done is be nice and give you the most beautiful things because they find they love your company. I remember Claire telling me she wished she was able to have more children. She wanted a daughter. A little girl she could nurture and dress up. Tell her stories about her days in high school and how she fell in love with her husband because she said having a boy was hard. Alaric is not the romantic type by any means. But I would listen to her because I secretly wanted a mother like that. One that would tell me I was loved and that I mattered to her. All my mother did was tell me I was a mistake she wished she had never made, but I could make it up to her by keeping Daddy happy. Do good, Veronica.

"I-I'm sorry," I stammer.

"Your kind is never sorry. Stop fucking with my family." He grips me by my throat, and dread fills my veins. The look in his eyes is hard and cold. "Alicia didn't deserve what happened to her. The one thing I wished for is for you to be in that grave instead of my beloved cousin. I thought you should know that."

I couldn't agree more.

"Get your fucking hands off me," I say through clenched teeth, trying to tear myself out of his grip, but he squeezes harder, leaving just enough for me to breathe.

"If you come near my family, I'll kill you, Veronica."

I blink rapidly from the cruelty of his words and begin to shut down. The need to cut taking over like an addict seeking an escape. For some, it's a high, but for me, it's a need for pain. The sting from the wound of a cut bleeding the hurt out of me. Maybe it would be better if he did it. He could finish me off.

"There is nothing I wish for more than for that to happen. I got my spot all picked out. You wouldn't even have to do it, but you see, the funny thing is, it never happens. Because I'm still here. Because they all love to watch."

He shoves me away, and I almost trip on the last step. "The fuck? You're a crazy bitch."

I laugh. It's an ugly laugh that bubbles up my now sore throat as I rub where his fingers gripped me hard and point mockingly at the heat spreading over the area. "You know, my future husband wouldn't like you to fuck up the merchandise."

Everyone will be at the Order's meeting tomorrow night, including him. All members have to attend. I don't care who they pick because it doesn't matter. I have two choices: live with it or die from it.

"I can deal with your little childish games, throwing my phone in a bucket of ice water while you ruin a lunch date with my regular fuck because you're still pissed after all this time that you didn't succeed with Daddy's bidding by trapping me. But I will not let you use my mother. Trust me, the man cursed to marry a bitch like you would expect you to be all used up. I dodged a bullet, but know that everyone who looks at you knows you're just Daddy's puppet. A spoiled little rich girl with nothing better to do than make everyone's life miserable."

* * *

I cut myself that night on my way home and when I took the bus after my shift. I had a paperclip in my purse when I received my paycheck the day before. At first, I didn't know why I had saved the silver paper clip in the little pocket next to the bottle of sleeping pills, but deep down, I knew why. It was a band-aid I needed, just in case the wound would reopen, and last night, Alaric's words triggered the wound.

Thursday night would only get worse. I cried in my room before my father was ready to take me to the church.

"I have chosen someone respectable for you, and the members will vote tonight. I'm sure they will have no issues approving the alliance. All I ask, is that you don't embarrass me or your mother. The Devlin name is part of history. You should be honored you are to represent this family as my only heir. You will do as you are told and accept the union. Understood?"

"Yes, Father," I whisper in agreement.

"Good. Don't listen to any of them, Veronica. They might have an opinion of you in a negative regard, but none of them are perfect. Remember that. No one in that room is a saint. You have nothing to be ashamed of, Veronica."

"Yes, Father," I repeat, knowing deep down that I feel ashamed but have no choice but to agree.

Walking into the church feels like I'm walking into my own funeral. All the members are in attendance, including all of the classmates I grew up with from important families. The eyes of the Bedford twins, Gia, Jess, Reid, Garret, Melissa, and the last person I want to see, Alaric, are all on me. Valen is seated in the corner; his lips turn into a frown when he watches me approach the center of the room by the altar. No one can object to the Order's decision unless they have already taken their family's place and have graduated. They also have to clear up any issues interfering with world leaders. Translation, they need to make sure they are mentally stable to rule in society.

"Welcome, Mr. Devlin. I see you are ready to begin. We have accepted your request and will bring it forth to be voted on. Miss Devlin, will you please remain."

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