Page 89 of Only for Christmas

Seeing the hurt look on his face was awful. He deserved so much better than her, and knowing that was the only thing keeping her on track. He’d be much better off without her messing up his life.

‘Lucas, I’m more grateful to you than I can express; you’ve been amazing. You’ve helped me so much over these last few weeks. You’ve given me the push I needed to start living my life again, and I’ll always be grateful for that. But this is only the beginning of my recovery. I’m still finding my feet. I can’t deal with the pressure of you relocating your life for me; it’s too much.’ How could she convince him she was doing him a favour? ‘This was never real, remember? It was fake dating. Pretend. Things have become blurred because of everything that’s happened. It’s fooled us into thinking this is something real, when it’s not. It can’t be.’

‘It could be, if you let it. But you’re too scared to even try.’

He’d got that right. ‘Scared? I’m bloody petrified.’

Both his hands were gripping his hair. ‘There’s nothing I can do, or say, to change your mind?’

Sarah shook her head. ‘It wouldn’t be fair on either of us.’

‘Right.’ His jaw twitched. ‘Okay then. Thanks for letting me know where I stand. Good to know.’ He headed into the hallway. ‘Merry Christmas, Sarah. I hope you have a fun time with your family. Take care.’ The door slammed behind him, making the mirror on the wall rattle.

The flat descended into silence, and once again Sarah found herself collapsed in a heap on the rug and crying. It was all too much. She had to protect herself. If this was how she was after a few weeks with Lucas in her life, what would she be like if she let herself fall in love with him? She’d never recover.

Using the coffee table to steady herself, she noticed a small wrapped gift with her name written on the side. Ripping away the paper, she discovered a bottle of the perfume she’d sampled the other day. The one Lucas had said suited her.

There was a note attached.

I tracked down the perfume you liked.

You deserve the world, Sarah.

Love always, Lucas x

And she’d thought she was done crying.

Chapter Eighteen

Monday, 26th December

It was early evening by the time Lucas arrived back from his sister’s house, having spent an exhausting couple of days entertaining the boys and playing with Fred – who had adapted to his new home surprisingly quickly. It was reassuring to see his nephews smiling and running around the garden, getting muddy and squealing with delight without a care in the world. Fred’s presence seemed to have had a positive impact on his sister too. Harper pretended to be infuriated by the dog’s mischievous antics, but Lucas could tell she secretly loved it. Fred matched her energy. He was a welcome distraction and just what the family needed. Lucas was sad to be leaving it all behind.

Tired from a lack of sleep, and having drunk far more wine than was good for him, he exited the cab and paused to look up at Sarah’s window, before heading down to say a final goodbye to Mrs Kelsey.

He regretted the ways things had ended with Sarah on Saturday. He needed to make amends before leaving tomorrow.

Mrs Kelsey answered the door in her usual gruff manner and ushered him inside, sporting a pair of new floral slippers. ‘And close the door behind you; I’m not paying to heat the entire street,’ she said, shuffling down the hallway. ‘Make yourself useful and put the kettle on; I’m parched.’

With a rueful smile, he headed into the kitchen, glad to note gleaming work surfaces and a lack of washing-up. She obviously hadn’t kicked the help out as yet. ‘How was your Christmas, Diana?’

‘Started out terribly. Ended a bit better.’ She lowered herself into the armchair and reached for the Quality Street. She had chocolate stains down the front of her red kaftan. ‘Both my kids phoned last night for a chat. Can’t tell you how surprised I was. I’d only spoken to them in the week. They don’t normally call so often.’

Lucas opened the fridge door, glad to see plenty of food staring back at him. ‘Nice that they did.’

‘I suppose. My daughter, Keeley, is planning to visit next month.’

Lucas stuck his head around the lounge door. ‘That’s great news. You must be thrilled?’

‘No need to rub it in. You were right. They needed to know about my health problems. They told me off for not telling them I was struggling.’ She pulled a face. ‘Where’s my tea – you gone to China to fetch it?’

With an eyeroll, he returned to the kitchen. ‘Coming right up.’

As Lucas finished making the tea, he read through the chart attached to the fridge door, listing all the times her liaison worker, Kath, would be visiting this week. He could imagine Diana’s disgruntlement at being checked up on so often. Hopefully, she’d get used to it. It was a weight off his mind knowing she had a support package in place.

‘Why did yesterday start off badly?’ he asked, returning to the lounge with her cup of tea. He hoped the reduction in the smell of cigarette smoke meant she was cutting back.

‘Nurse Ratched showed up and dragged me off to the local church hall for lunch.’ Diana grimaced when she sipped her tea. ‘Not enough sugar.’

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