Page 186 of Merciless

“Anywhere. I’d have gone anywhere they couldn’t find me. I was done. So fucking done with all the pain and the bullshit. They took everything from me. Every fucking thing.”

“Who did? Who hurt you, baby?”

I rest my brow against hers and stare into her eyes, pleading with her to tell me her secrets.

Her lips part, ready to say more, but then her eyes widen in horror as she realizes what she just said and she slams the door closed.

“You need to go,” she says, stepping back and putting some space between us. “They probably need you more than I do right now.”

“No, Dove. They don’t,” I argue, watching as she crawls onto her bed and curls up in a ball. “I’m exactly where I need to be. Talk to me, please. Let me help.”

“You can’t. No one can. It’s too late. Too late for me, and too late for all the other lives they’ve ruined.”

45

ALANA

I didn’t think he was going to leave, but I was determined to hold strong.

I knew that if I looked into his eyes again, then I’d break.

Hearing that Victor raised a gun to Kane shook me. If he could do that to Kane then I’ve no doubt he’d do the same to any of his men. No matter how close or loyal.

JD tried to get me to talk. Begging me to open up. But I couldn’t.

Everything the last few days has been so good. Spending time with him, getting to know him has been everything.

While we’re having fun, it’s easy to ignore the elephant in the room. But it’s harder to when you’re staring it right in the eyes.

I shouldn’t have said what I did. But the words just spilled from my lips. I regretted them before I even heard them, but it was too late.

The second he admitted defeat and locked me in my cell alone again, I breathed out a sigh of relief before the tears I was holding back erupted, leaving me sobbing. What made it worse was that half of those tears were for the fact I ruined my dinner.

I was so excited to discover what it was going to be. I should have been enjoying it, not once again drowning so deep in my past that I couldn’t even think about eating it.

A big part of me expected him to return. To have a second-go at making me talk and to let me spend the night in his strong, protective arms.

But he never came back.

I’m sure there was a reason.

One of his closest friends had just been shot for fuck’s sake. But still, I was a selfish, little bitch who craved his attention. I was quickly becoming a JD junkie.

It was hours after he left when I finally returned to my dinner. The fries were cold and soggy, but the chicken was still mouthwatering and I decided I’d risk food poisoning and demolished them all, followed by the chocolate brownie and the massive glass of wine.

I spent the rest of my night with the one companion that’s never let me down over the years. My diary.

It occurred to me while I was busy scrawling out my thoughts that the best way for Reid to learn the truth about everything I’ve been through would be to hand over my collection.

When I ran from home that day, I only took my current one with me. But I’d planned ahead, and I’d hid the rest of them in the old abandoned shed at the bottom of the yard that Dad used to lock me in when I misbehaved.

I had no idea if I’d ever get the chance to get back to them, but I needed to know that I could access them if I did.

My plan was to get as far away as I possibly could and never look back, but I knew it was wishful thinking.

A few weeks after moving in with Mav, he asked me if I needed anything before he went to work one day, and without thinking, I told him about my diaries.

It was a risk. A huge fucking risk, but I figured that Mav wasn’t stupid. And thanks to his position as a high-ranking Hawk, he had good intel on when Dad would be gone and a safe time to access my beloved books.

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