Page 50 of Merciless

“Do you even know where she went before disappearing?” he asks.

“Of course,” I lie.

The way his smile grows tells me that he can see right through my bullshit.

“She’s really done a number on you, hasn’t she, Mav? Have you checked your bank accounts since she vanished to see if she left you with anything?”

“She’s not a thief,” I argue.

Alana has never stolen from me. Hell, for the first few years she was with me, she point-blank refused to accept even the cheapest of things from me, stating that I didn’t owe her anything.

She was right. I didn’t.

The person who did was still searching for her. He should have been the one to give her everything she needed. But I was quickly learning that the only thing he ever did was take things away.

Her innocence, her self-esteem, her self-worth, her childhood.

I wanted to show her that not all men were monsters. That they didn’t only see one thing when they looked at her.

I wanted to be better. To be worthy, despite my position with the Hawks.

And more than anything, with every day that passed and the more I learned about the life she’d been living, I wanted revenge.

I hated my father for the way he chose to live his life and the people he hurt in the process. I hated him for the things he did that I was meant to just go along with. I hate the person he tried to make me.

A little version of him.

Being with Alana allowed me to be the person I wanted to be.

Behind closed doors, where no one was watching or expecting anything of me, I could attempt to repent for my sins and do something good.

I thought it was enough. I thought I’d given her the life she needed. Well almost.

There’s something I’ve always held back. Something I’ve refused to allow either of us to indulge in. Because if I did… I’d be as bad as them.

I refuse to stoop to their level and give her any reason to think that the only reason I took her home that night was because I had any other intentions than protecting her.

“I dunno,” JD mutters, reminding me that we were in the middle of something. “She certainly seems to have stolen something from you. Your fucking balls, maybe?” He laughs.

“Come on, let’s go and get a drink,” Kurt, Alana’s dad, says, as if nothing is wrong in the fucking world.

“You’re not serious?” I blurt, unable to keep the words in.

“Deadly.”

He takes off and is halfway down the stairs before I speak again.

“Last time she vanished, you had every single Hawk on the roster out looking for her.”

“Yeah, and look how that ended.” He growls, reminding me of the fallout when the truth about what I did that night was exposed.

I wasn’t stupid. I knew hiding her away and keeping her safe would come with a price.

I was willing to pay it too as long as she was safe.

And pay, I did. In ways I don’t ever want her to know about.

13

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