Page 44 of Jhon

It was just that she longed for the version of Jhon she had seen last night - the tender, patient, selfless man who had made her body come alive in ways she hadn’t known were possible.

That version of him seemed so much more nuanced and real than the stern and stoic guard who would hardly look at her today.

And the way he had broken things off was so cold and so quick…

Of course, her mother had warned her against letting boys touch her.

A moment of fun and then what? her mom had asked, gesturing vaguely at the forest of children that filled their living room. The majority are only in it for the bit of pleasure. Wait for a man who wants it all.

They had both looked over fondly at her harried but smiling father, who was raising one of the girls over his head so she could pretend to be a spacecraft.

It was true. Compared to her father, most men were probably selfish pleasure seekers.

But Jhon hadn’t even taken a bit of pleasure for himself, as far as Ella could tell. She was no expert in these matters, but she had felt the evidence of his frustrated desire through his breeches.

Which naturally left just one question.

Is it me?

Surely, if he really wanted to be with her, he would have spoken with her more kindly about his duty.

So, what had she done wrong?

She could think about it all night, but that way lay madness, and she had a farm to learn about and a son to raise. Besides, if she wanted a partner, there was another man available already who was perfectly willing to state his intentions.

She thought back to this afternoon, and her impression of her only single neighbor.

Rikkers was kind and polite, he was already invested in lichen farming, and he was undoubtedly very handsome. Not to mention that Terrans and Arborealytes were highly compatible.

Yes, Rikkers would be an excellent match, and she was sure to be pumping out adorable little future farmers in no time if she accepted his suit. All her fears of loneliness would disappear in a heartbeat.

But when he had mentioned his intentions this afternoon, her knee-jerk reaction had been to put him off with a polite mention of wanting to get her farm off the ground before making any other important arrangements.

Of course, it was always a good idea to tread slowly in these matters, especially when there were only a few neighbors.

But that wasn’t why she had put him off.

If she was honest with herself, she had to admit that a certain gigantic purple dragon warrior had the honor of being the reason she was sleepless right now, instead of dreaming of tall, smiling Rikkers.

And it wasn’t just because of last night.

The truth was that she had felt an electric current drawing her straight to Jhon from the moment she laid eyes on him. She had never experienced anything like it before. It was as if she was attuned to him, whether he wanted her to be or not.

What’s wrong with me?

The sound of a baby’s cry roused her from her worries.

She slid out of bed and slipped a robe on before padding down the hallway to Bo’s room. It would be good to hold and comfort him, and remember why she was really here.

But when she opened his door, she saw that he was sleeping peacefully. She listened for a moment, and heard the baby’s cry again, but not from Bo.

She jogged down the hallway to the living room and slipped on her fur boots before heading out the front door.

It was bitterly cold outside. The wind whipped right through her robe, but she could hear the cries coming from below the island.

She ventured closer to the edge, and then glanced back at the house.

It would probably be best to tell Jhon where she was going. But if an infant had been abandoned under the island, every minute counted in this cold.

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