Page 50 of Unrealistic Expectations

“I care about you so much that I don’t want what we have to get ruined by other people interfering.” She knew her friends would have a lot to say about the two of them being together. It was one thing to know that he’d dated most of her friends, but it would be quite another to see him interact with them now. Was she afraid of feeling jealous? Maybe. But it wasn’t only that.

He sat on the bed next to her, and it was kind of a relief not to have him staring at her as she tried to explain her reticence. “I don’t want our classmates to make me start questioning things between us.”

“If your friends can do that, then maybe what we have isn’t strong enough.” He sounded so defeated, and she hated causing him pain. But he’d never stuck around in a relationship long enough to have tough discussions about deep-seated fears and feelings before.

“I want it to be.” Maybe she was being reactive. And maybe the fact that he was so overwhelmingly handsome was playing on her fears and insecurities about whether someone like him would actually ever choose to be with someone like her. “I guess I’m just afraid that you’ll see me next to all of the other women you dated in college and decide that I’m not good enough.”

She could feel his body still and the air around them seemed cooler to her. He turned, and his gaze bored a hole through her. Like the Terminator. “What are you talking about?”

“No one ever notices me. You never noticed me until I was the only one around to listen to you talk about your ex’s stupid video.” She hadn’t meant to say all that, but it must have been lingering below the surface. Maybe she needed to call her therapist in the morning and schedule an emergency session.

He didn’t touch her, but he moved closer. “I noticed you, but you were never going to be a fling for me. I think I knew that, even back then. You could see right through me, and it’s sort of terrifying.”

“Just what a girl loves to hear.”

“You were terrifying because I didn’t want anyone to see through the careful facade I was creating so that no one could ever hurt me again.” That was pretty insightful for someone who hadn’t been in therapy that long. “But I totally noticed that you were hot. The fact that you also didn’t buy my brand of bullshit was really fascinating. But I wasn’t ready for you.”

“I thought that if I chose the safest, most boring person to be in a relationship, I’d never have the sorts of problems that my mom had in her love life—or the kinds of problems that I see in my practice. But I was wrong. And being with you feels so risky. You are my first relationship where I feel like there’s anything on the line, and I’m coming to realize that I have no idea what I’m doing.”

He took her hand and squeezed it. “Neither of us knows what we’re doing, but we’re both happy. Isn’t that what matters?”

That was what mattered. But she couldn’t shake the feeling in the pit of her stomach that they shouldn’t go to their college reunion together. Her life’s work required her to guide people in looking back on their past to forge a better future, but she didn’t want to look back on her own. That made her a coward, and the one thing that she wanted to take from her mother was her bravery. She never would have spent years in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere. She would have left.

“It is what matters.” She knew she didn’t sound like she believed her own words.

“We can stay home if you want.” But he sounded disappointed. No matter what she said about her amorphous feelings about not going to their reunion, she knew for a fact that he would believe that she was embarrassed to be dating him.

Because that wasn’t the truth—she couldn’t believe that he’d chosen to be with her, and her reluctance wasn’t logical or clearly defined. She wasn’t going to hurt him. “No, we’ll go.”

“If you want to leave for any reason, just let me know and we’ll be gone.”

Jessica smiled at him. “Do I need a safe word?”

Heat spread in her stomach when he grinned at her. “No, but we can explore other activities that might require a safe word when we get home.”

—

Jessica was right. He was not a reunion guy. Even though he’d never moved out of town, he didn’t even go to alumni football games. Once he’d collected his diploma, he hadn’t looked back. But he’d never left the self he’d created behind. He’d continued using sex and the kind of woman he could convince to date him as salves for his ego.

He couldn’t go back until he felt like he’d built something in his life that he could be proud of. And he knew it was small and petty, but he hoped Luke was going to be there. He wanted to see the look on the other man’s face when Galvin walked into the Alumni Club with Jessica.

Jessica’s reluctance to attend with him was the only thing that gave him pause. And—even though they were past that—it had resurrected his worry that Jessica saw him as just the rebound guy. As they walked up to the table where they were handing out name cards, her shoulders were hunched, and her steps were tentative. He was tempted to turn them both around and leave, until two of her friends spotted them.

Two women—one willowy blonde and one athletic brunette—approached them. They both looked familiar, and he had a flash of making out with the blonde at a keg party sophomore year. He thought her name was Kelly or Kelsey, but then he remembered that Jessica was close with a Kelly.

Kelly ignored him, but the brunette looked him up and down, narrowing her gaze when it met his. She was skeptical of their relationship, and that lined up with what Jessica had told him about Barbie.

He put on his most genuine and self-effacing smile, hoping to disarm her. But her posture didn’t soften, and she pursed her lips a little more.

“You look stunning, Jessica,” Kelly said, before facing Galvin. “If you hurt her, I will disembowel you—surgically.” That’s right. Kelly went to medical school.

Jessica grabbed his hand and said, “Can we please lay off the threats?”

“Not unless and until we’re sure that he’s no longer a creeper who can’t sustain an erection.” Barbie said that loudly, parroting Kennedy’s words from the infamous video. If she’d seen it, then a good number of the people here had seen it. Before attending, he’d been worried about Jessica being embarrassed by him. He’d practiced a few smooth retorts in anticipation of digs from people who had seen the video. But none of them came out now.

This could be bad. Very bad.

“Barbara St. Vincent.” Jessica used her friend’s full name—which sounded like it had been pulled from a 1980s soap opera—in an admonishing tone. “You’re going to be nice to my boyfriend, or we’re going to leave.”

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