He didn’t want to, but he did it anyway on the off chance that she was going to tell him that breaking up with him was a bad attempt at a joke.
“I was worried about you. I know you only agreed to date me because people wouldn’t believe in my ability to give advice about relationships if I wasn’t in one. And now, it’s so risky with all this attention for us to be fake-dating.”
“It’s not fake for me anymore.” He couldn’t stop being honest with her now. It didn’t feel right.
Jessica didn’t look shocked. And her gaze didn’t fill with anything as humiliating as pity. He saw something that he was choosing to interpret as hope. “It’s not fake for me, either. That’s why it feels so dangerous.”
“It feels dangerous to be with me?” He hadn’t done anything but try to make her feel safe once he realized he had real feelings for her.
“Much more dangerous than being with Luke,” she said. He wished he could disappear that man’s name from existence—just snap his fingers and make all the Lukes vanish into the ether. “But it’s my mind lying to me. I know you don’t want to hurt me, and that makes me so afraid. I’m afraid to mess it up. I’m afraid to let myself care too much, in case this is all a dream and I’m going to wake up tomorrow and all this is gone.”
“Dinner and dancing with my parents is not the stuff of dreams, Jessica.”
She laughed. “No, but watching you up there was. You’re so good at what you do, and all the attention after you broke things off with Kennedy was a distraction. I don’t want to be another distraction.”
Losing Jessica would be a distraction. He wasn’t sure when it had happened, but she was the first person he’d called when he’d gotten the news that he was going to win this award. He’d won, like, five, but he’d never felt the urge to call one of his girlfriends about any of them.
Instead of spending any more time trying to convince her that he was actually serious about her, despite everything he’d ever said about not being capable of being serious, he stood up and held out his hand. “Come on. I have to show you something.”
“Here?” She looked around. “Where? You’re not going to have some sort of dance-off to prove your devotion.”
He laughed. She was always making him laugh, and he wondered if anyone had ever told her how funny she was. Probably, but he would be sure to tell her more. “No, but note for next time.”
“That wasn’t a suggestion,” she said. He pulled her through the tables and toward the exit of the ballroom. “We aren’t going to stay and celebrate your night?”
He squeezed her hand and pulled her faster. She probably had to run in heels, but the only other option was flipping her over his shoulder and running, and that would probably embarrass her. “Just come with me.”
“Yes, sir,” she said with her trademark sarcasm. He wondered if she would be into it if he took her over his knee when she talked to him like that—not because he didn’t like her giving him sass, but because he really did.
She didn’t say anything else when he took her to the bank of elevators in the lobby. He’d had the idea to do this as soon as he saw where the event was going to be held.
“We got a room?” she asked, a little bewildered. “Or are we going to commit some lewd acts in the elevator?”
As soon as the door closed, he said, “Again, note for next time on the lewd acts. But we’re going to go upstairs to the penthouse suite and have the romantic evening that I’d planned to surprise you with before you said you were going to break up with me.”
She looked at the ornate decorations in the elevator and whistled. “I should probably try to break up with you more often.”
“Can we stop joking about you breaking up with me? I’m trying to be romantic here, and it’s harshing my mellow.”
“Well, your parents really harsh all mellow of any room they enter, so I think we’re even.”
“What’s your clinical opinion about my parents?” He was sure she had one. Part of him wished that he hadn’t invited her to join him tonight. But he wanted to see her, and he wanted to celebrate with her.
“You don’t want to know.” So it was bad.
“I’m sorry.” He wouldn’t do this again, even if he convinced her to stay with him.
She grabbed his hand again as the elevator climbed floors. “There’s nothing to apologize for. I understand more than anyone.”
“You do, and that’s why you shouldn’t have to put up with them.”
The elevator arrived at their floor, and she didn’t let his hand go. This had seemed like a good idea when he’d booked the room. But now, after she’d admitted to thinking about ending things, that scraped-raw feeling was back. He hadn’t had the urge to cut and run after they’d had sex, but he had it now that he didn’t know where they stood. He had it under control, but it was there all the same.
“I don’t want you to break up with me,” he said. He didn’t. But he wasn’t ready to tell her that he could see himself committing to her now, either.
“Obviously, I don’t want to break up with you, either.”
“Then I still don’t understand why you were going to do it.” He opened the door to one of the four suites on the top floor, but she didn’t walk in before him.