Page 34 of Unrealistic Expectations

“I want to devour you. I feel almost animalistic. When your mother threatened you, I wanted to shove her out your door physically. I’m not that guy. I’ve never even gotten in a fistfight.”

Jessica looked down at his hands. They were big and strong, but she knew how gentle they could be. When he’d confronted her mother, she’d felt the anger coming off of him. Now that her nervous system was regulated again, and she’d washed off the layer of scum she felt every time she was around Laurie, she could reflect on how hot it was that he’d had her back.

“I know that you felt angry, but I have never felt so safe and cherished,” she said.

“Really?”

“When I’m around my mother, I feel like I’m drowning. She’s like an undertow of a person, and every time it feels like she’s sucking me in. When you told her to leave and stay away from me, it was like a lifeguard pulling me out and giving me CPR.”

“Why do you still talk to her?”

Jessica laughed and took her hand off his knee. She took a sip of wine and looked at her toes. She needed a pedicure. “I know that she’s never going to be the mother I needed her to be. But I’m the only person she has in her life. If I stop talking to her, she’ll be all alone. And I guess I feel like the occasional sensation of drowning is better than the guilt I would feel for leaving her on her own.”

“I’m not the person to talk about the consequences of one’s actions, but maybe she needs to be left alone to deal with hers.”

“Maybe you’re right.” She didn’t feel guilty right now, when she wasn’t the one who had actually established the boundary, but she doubted whether she would keep it up. “Can we talk more about how you want me?”

He chuckled and flashed a charming grin. It wasn’t fake, more flirty. And she liked that so much. It meant that they were on the road to fun stuff like sex, instead of heavy stuff, like talking about her mother. “Yes, let’s.”

He took her wineglass from her hand and took a sip. She watched his lips against the glass and the way his throat flexed as he swallowed. She was in tune with every move that he made.

“Why haven’t you made a move?” She hoped she didn’t sound as butt hurt about it as she felt.

Galvin leaned forward until their faces were just a few inches apart. “I’ve been making moves, but I don’t want to screw things up.”

“You’re not going to screw things up, Galvin.” She wasn’t sure that this was true, but she felt like he needed to hear it.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

She let those words sink in and feel good. He wanted her. He didn’t want to lose her. He was taking things slowly. He was taking care of her. “You’re doing all the right things if you don’t want to lose me.”

“But if we go all the way, and I freak out, what happens then?”

Jessica shrugged. “We talk about it, and you stop freaking out. Or I give you some space.”

“That easy?” He sounded incredulous.

“Maybe not easy, but definitely worth it,” Jessica said. She got the feeling that no one had ever tried very hard with Galvin, that he didn’t truly feel like he was worth putting work and faith into. “You’re worth it to me. Am I worth it to you?”

He dropped his head. “Of course you’re worth it to me. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t be scared, and I definitely wouldn’t be admitting to being scared.”

“Then, I think we’re good to go.”

The smile on his face then wasn’t his charming smile—it was predatory. “Do you want dinner first?”

She didn’t want to wait another second to be with him. “I think I’d like to start with dessert.”

—

Galvin hadn’t been so nervous about sexual intercourse since his first time, freshman year in college. Back then, he’d hardly been able to believe that anyone would be into him. Now, he was shocked that a woman like Jessica—someone who knew him and needed more than just a well-lit picture at a good angle—was into him.

But when she’d said that he was worth the risk, something had broken open inside him. He didn’t want to hold anything back, and he was willing to take a chance on everything going to shit for the opportunity to feel close to her.

He held up his bathrobe when she stood, and she said, “You’re already trying to get me dressed again?”

“No, but I want every part of you but one to be dry when you’re on my sheets.” He tried to make that sound sexy, but it wasn’t that sexy to be concerned about his duvet, was it. He was already screwing this up.

“I really like that you think about these things.” She surprised him.

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