Page 45 of Time to Shine

Antton nodded. “Good.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, during which Landon purposefully looked everywhere except the dance floor. Ross returned with two pitchers of beer, which made most of the table cheer.

Antton pushed his half-full glass aside and began to stand up. “None for me. I’m driving, and I need to get home before I fall asleep.”

Landon spotted Casey without meaning to, still on the dance floor, and now kissing the handsome man. Landon’s heart froze. He had no right to feel jealous, and maybe it was shock as much as jealousy. Maybe it was excitement, seeing his teammate making out with a man in the middle of a crowded bar. Whatever was happening inside Landon, he needed to get the fuck out of here.

“Would you mind giving me a lift?”

Antton raised his eyebrows. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, I uh, I’m pretty tired too. You live near Casey, right?”

“Yes. Do you want to tell Casey you are leaving?”

Landon glanced again at Casey, who was grinning at the man, their noses almost touching. “I’ll text him. He won’t mind.”

Antton tilted his head toward the door, so Landon followed him.

They didn’t speak much in the car. Antton drove a black Lexus SUV with soft leather seats. It was spotless, unlike Casey’s Jeep, which frequently had clothing and food wrappers strewn around it.

“You are like me,” Antton said, breaking the silence that had lasted for several minutes.

“I am?” Besides both being goalies, Landon couldn’t think of a single way they were similar.

“You are old when you are young,” Antton explained. “Not a partier.”

“Oh. Yeah. I guess I’m not.”

“I thought maybe you were shy about fitting in here, but you probably were the same in Saskatoon, right?”

Landon flattened his palms against his thighs and curled his fingertips into the scratchy fabric of his coat. “Pretty much.”

“Like me, then. Some advice?”

“Sure,” Landon said, probably too eagerly. “Yeah.”

“Have some fun. I was so serious when I was your age, I didn’t enjoy myself nearly enough.”

“You were busy being the best,” Landon couldn’t stop himself from saying.

“Maybe I would have been even better if I’d relaxed a bit. Had fun with my teammates. Enjoyed the experience.”

Landon couldn’t imagine a better version of Antton Niskanen, but he kept his mouth shut.

“I’m old now,” Antton sighed.

“You’re only thirty-four.”

“Feels like a thousand. My life is amazing. My career, my wife, my kids. It’s all perfect, but I wish I’d had more fun in my twenties. Been a little reckless, maybe.”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Landon said honestly. “I’m not built that way.”

“Maybe not. Maybe I’m not either. But I wish I had tried, just a little.”

For the rest of the drive, Landon tried to imagine a different version of himself. One who wasn’t hollow inside. One who could stand to be touched and seen. One who could dance and flirt and smile.

He wanted it. It felt impossible, but was it something he could work at, the same way he worked to improve his game? He’d never be like Casey, but that didn’t need to be his goal. He just wanted to be someone who could be happy.

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