Page 108 of Time to Shine

“No,” Dad said sternly, “you haven’t.”

“I left,” Landon said, louder than he’d meant to. “I left you both alone after—” He swallowed. “After Erin died.”

“We weren’t alone,” Mom said. “We had each other, and your aunts and uncles. Our friends, Erin’s friends. They were all there for us, and they all loved Erin. You were the one who was alone with your grief, and we let you stay that way.”

Her words hit Landon like a truck, and suddenly his eyes were burning with tears. “Don’t say that, Mom. I chose to leave. I chose hockey over you.”

“If you hadn’t gone to Quebec,” Dad said, “if you hadn’t taken that opportunity you’d worked your whole life for, it would have killed us, Landon.”

Landon shook his head. “I abandoned you because I couldn’t deal with losing her. I didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened, but I never—” His voice broke. “I never forgot. Of course I didn’t.”

“You were sixteen,” Dad said gently. “A kid. We should have done more to make sure you were okay, but...” He exhaled. “This is hard, but we were relieved, I think, that you had something else. That you were being taken care of by another family and doing something you loved. That you had a chance to be happy.”

“And,” Mom added, “it meant one less thing for us to have to deal with. That was selfish of us, and I’m sorry.”

Landon had to cover his mouth with his hand. He felt like he was crumbling apart. All he could do is shake his head, and stare at their blurry forms with disbelief.

“Of course it was hard to watch you go,” Mom continued. “But knowing you were chasing your dream, that maybe you were happy—that was the only thing getting me out of bed some days.”

Landon lurched forward and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder. He loved his parents so much, and he couldn’t believe they’d been carrying the same guilt as him all these years.

“We are so proud of you,” Dad said, tears streaming down his face now. “The boys back home are sick of hearing about you.”

They all laughed soggily.

“So what we’re trying to say,” Mom said, patting Landon’s back as he lifted his head, “is that we’ve been watching your games this season. Not always live, because of the time difference, but we’ve been watching. Our therapist has been working with us on our fear of losing you. Of seeing you get hurt. It’s silly, really, that I worry about you stopping pucks more than I worry about you driving to the arena, since that’s how—” She stopped. She didn’t need to finish the sentence.

“It’s not silly, Mom. It makes sense. Hockey is dangerous, and I’m sorry I didn’t pick a more boring job.”

“Don’t ever be sorry about that,” Dad said. “I can’t brag to Craig and Bruno if my son is an accountant.”

Landon hugged his dad then, wishing they could have talked like this years ago. But maybe it had to wait. Maybe none of them had been ready.

As they all wiped the last of their tears away, Landon admitted, “I’m going to be so nervous tomorrow night knowing you’re there.”

“You think you’ll be nervous,” Dad joked. “I have to sit with Dougie Hicks!”

Chapter Thirty-Three

Landon went up to the bedroom hours later than he’d expected. He and his parents had stayed in the living room for a long time after their big talk, catching up and chatting about lighter topics. He hadn’t wanted it to end, but eventually his parents couldn’t ignore how often they were yawning.

Casey had come home sometime in the middle of it all. He’d given them a quick greeting, shot Landon a questioning glance that Landon had replied to with a nod, then made himself scarce upstairs. Landon appreciated it, but now he was dying to see him.

“Hey,” he said quietly as he closed the door behind him.

Casey was rummaging through a duffel bag that Landon had never seen before. He had it open on the bed, a few objects strewn on the mattress beside it. He abandoned whatever he was doing as soon as he saw Landon, crossing the room to meet him. “Hi. How’d it go?”

“Good. Really good. I feel...” Landon shook his head. “I don’t even know. Lighter, I guess. Relieved.”

“That’s great!” Casey took his hand and rubbed his thumb in soothing circles over the back of it. “You wanna talk about it?”

“No, I’ve talked enough for one night. My mind is reeling a bit, though.” He exhaled, long and slow. “I hope I’ll be able to sleep tonight.”

Casey placed his other hand on Landon’s cheek. “I could maybe help with that.”

Landon closed his eyes and checked in with himself. He was full of something close to adrenaline: jittery, but with exhaustion creeping in. He wasn’t sure what he was up for, but he wanted Casey near him.

To buy himself some time, he kissed Casey, slow and sweet. Thanking him for abandoning his own house to give Landon space to talk to his parents.

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