Page 58 of Time to Shine

“It’s fucked,” Casey said, with feeling. “Sorry. That wasn’t the most sensitive thing to say.”

“No, it is. It’s fucked,” Landon agreed. “Just totally fucked.” He sighed. “So I guess I like to imagine that she’s seeing the whole world now, or maybe the whole universe, in the afterlife or whatever. I know that’s probably not how death works but...”

“It’s a cool idea. I like it.”

“It’s selfish, maybe. Pretending she’s hanging around me. Still ready to listen to my problems whenever I need her.”

Casey didn’t know how Landon managed to move through life carrying this much pain and guilt. The fact that Landon felt guilty for even imagining that his sister was still listening to him was too much.

“I mean,” Landon continued, “if my idea of the afterlife is real, then hopefully she’s at the top of a mountain somewhere, or behind a waterfall. Somewhere amazing.”

Casey had a long history of letting whatever thoughts popped into his head fall out of his mouth, and he continued that tradition now. “I know there’s no waterfall here or anything, but I think being around you is pretty amazing.”

Landon stared at him, huge dark eyes glistening in the rainbow of colors from the Christmas lights. His lips parted, as if he were about to speak, but he stayed silent.

Casey wanted to hug Landon so bad, but he didn’t think Landon would be into that. Hug probably wasn’t the right word anyway. He wanted to pull Landon into his lap and hold him. He wanted to cradle Landon’s head against his chest, stroke his hair, and tell him he’d be okay.

Landon pulled his arm away, as if he’d been reading Casey’s mind. “Thanks. For listening. Sorry I unloaded on you like that.”

“Don’t apologize. You can talk to me anytime, about anything, okay? I like talking to you.”

Landon gave him a small smile and nodded. “We need to go to sleep.”

“Yeah. Fuck.” Casey picked up his phone and saw that it was after three AM. They were going to be wrecked tomorrow for the game if they didn’t sleep.

Except the power was still off and Casey would never be able to sleep alone tonight. He tried to think of a solution, but Landon beat him to it.

“Do you—would you maybe want to sleep...together?” Landon said.

A million thoughts rushed into Casey’s head. “You mean—”

“Just sleep. I wasn’t suggesting we—”

“Right! No. Of course.”

“I thought since we’re both having trouble sleeping, and the power is still out, maybe you’d be okay with some company?”

Now Casey really wanted to hug him. “I’d be more than okay with that. Wanna go up to my room?”

“Sure.” Landon stood. “Do you want to bring some of these Christmas lights?”

Casey considered it. “No, I’ll be okay if you’re there. It’s being alone that...scares me.” His cheeks flushed with embarrassment and maybe a bit of excitement from being able to admit that. He picked up the goalie mask Landon had left on the coffee table. “Do you need this?”

“No.”

“You don’t sleep in it?”

“No.”

“It doesn’t help you get in the zone?”

“Shut up and come to bed.”

Those words sent a jolt of inconvenient arousal through Casey. He forced himself to ignore it, focusing instead on turning his flashlight back on and psyching himself up for another scary journey through the dark.

As they walked up the stairs together, Landon put a hand on Casey’s back, as if to simply let him know he was there, and Casey’s heart swelled. It was very dark upstairs, but it was okay. He wasn’t alone.

They managed to find Casey’s bed and lay down with plenty of space between them. Casey had shared beds with tons of guys for nonsexual reasons over his many years of playing hockey. It wasn’t a big deal.

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